Has a NT ever tried to find out what was annoying you?

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Paul123
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25 Mar 2012, 6:41 pm

An NT recently asked me "Is everything okay Paul?" (I had been offended at being excluded from something). I foolishly said "yes" as I'm not good at addressing things verbally.

Has an NT ever tried to find out what was annoying you? Did they succeed (and if so how did they go about it - verbal, email, letter, smoke signal)?

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muslimmetalhead
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25 Mar 2012, 7:23 pm

Paul123 wrote:
An NT recently asked me "Is everything okay Paul?" (I had been offended at being excluded from something). I foolishly said "yes" as I'm not good at addressing things verbally.

Has an NT ever tried to find out what was annoying you? Did they succeed (and if so how did they go about it - verbal, email, letter, smoke signal)?

Thanks



If they say something like that to me, it's usually because I'm bothering them and they try to be polite about it.

And they usually do it verbally.


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25 Mar 2012, 7:42 pm

My parents often notice when I'm overloaded, as have some people who work with autistic people.



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25 Mar 2012, 8:20 pm

Could he have just been acting friendly?


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26 Mar 2012, 1:20 am

though i express myself freely
recently in my office two people were avoiding me so i said that they were avoiding me to another colleague
he just smiled and brushed it off :roll:


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Paul123
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26 Mar 2012, 12:19 pm

Quote:
Could he have just been acting friendly?


Yes sorry - should have clarified. It wasn't done in a nasty way but in a nice way; she really was wondering was I wasn't happy (which took me by suprise!)



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26 Mar 2012, 2:40 pm

I rarely know immediately whether or not someone wants to know the truth when there's a situation where the polite answer is "I'm fine" and the true answer is something else.



Last edited by AngelKnight on 28 Mar 2012, 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Paul123
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26 Mar 2012, 7:22 pm

For me personally I think my brain quickly analyses each thing said in order to try to decipher intent/alternative meanings (probably doing it backwards - e.g. if I were him what would have caused me to say that in this given situation, based on his currently priorities and previous history). But I'm not really sure.

I suspect NTs can pick up on many signals automatically using the social part of their brain - but they are still picking up on things and not mind reading, hence I assume that my logical side can stand in and pick up on these too if trained - and obviously if I can figure out what these signals are in the first place!

I've now got a 3D camera and tripod, and I'm considering filming myself at my home pc - I'm really good at analysing others from afar (i.e. when I'm not actively engaged in a conversation) and would like to see what I'm actually like to others. I'm thinking that it might be interesting to see what I'm like when conversing (should a family member walk in at some point). I do have a small speech impedient that I'd rather not have to be reminded of, but listening to myself in the past (not good) means I'm unlikely to be too disappointed in how I come across (having forced myself to hear how I sound in the past).

Ooops - getting off topic a bit!



techstepscientist
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28 Mar 2012, 4:39 am

This has happened to me, and I was amazed on how they picked it up!

I also got caught out and just reacted by saying 'yes im fine'. After careful consideration i realized that what they picked up was me being 'pissed off'. Whenever someone asks me this now i ensure that my standard response is 'no i am not ok, but i cant talk about it right now'. My main reason for this is that my initial friend who asked me, clearly was a friend, and by lieing i might of dissed/hurt him (just has i get hurt by people lieing), and thus he may of backed off from being my friend anymore. Moreover, it put into perspective other NT people who never say anything, even so they must clearly see my negative facial expression.


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28 Mar 2012, 6:00 pm

I get asked frequently if everythings ok to the point where just asking me that question annoys me. Sometimes there isnt even anything wrong. Once at NT asks that question, I get annoyed. I'd perfer it if people didnt ask the question because whenever they do they never want to know what is not ok.



aphasian
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28 Mar 2012, 7:13 pm

Sometimes its nice to be asked when you are upset but at times the same thing that happens to AI_Ling happens to me.



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29 Mar 2012, 12:25 am

Yes, but the effort was futile because in doing so they topped the list.



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29 Mar 2012, 11:59 am

I agree with Ai_Ling...I understand the sympathies but it is extremely annoying when just being by yourself arouses that question.

However, there are times I wish people did ask me that when I'm clearly tired of interacting. Guess we just have different senses of what is wrong and what isn't.


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29 Mar 2012, 12:23 pm

I seldom get asked that question, but when I do get it I try to answer honestly while at the same time down playing my need for further assistance from the other person. example "Yes, I'm a little frazzled at the moment, but give me a little alone time to pull myself together and I'll be ok."



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29 Mar 2012, 2:53 pm

SanityTheorist wrote:
I agree with Ai_Ling...I understand the sympathies but it is extremely annoying when just being by yourself arouses that question.

However, there are times I wish people did ask me that when I'm clearly tired of interacting. Guess we just have different senses of what is wrong and what isn't.


For me, it would be nice to have peoples sympathes if they were serious about it. Most of the time, people dont actually want to know what is wrong is my point. There just mostly annoyed at you for the way your acting. Asking what is wrong is just a polite way of saying, "what the hell is up with you today?" For me, unless I have a relatively trusting relationship with the person, I don't tell them what is wrong. I simply give the generic responce, "nothing is wrong". Because if the people know me and like me enough, they'll know half the time nothing is wrong. It is simply me being me.