Going from "acquaintance" to "friend"

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Hi. I wanted to get some advice from everyone on something I've had trouble with for some time. The gist of what I want to know is how to go from being a "friendly acquaintance" to becoming a true friend with someone.

Basically, I feel like mostly everyone in my life, aside from my family, are just friendly acquaintances. I enjoy seeing and spending time with them, and I get the impression that they really like me and enjoy having me around as well. However, that's it: I hardly see them outside of work/school/group meetings/etc. So how do you break that barrier between being a "friendly acquaintance" at work, school, etc. to actually becoming a friend with people, who you can actually go out with and socialize with regularly? I'm not exactly looking to make thousands of friends, but it would be really nice to have 2-3 close friends that I could go out with on occasion and talk to.

I have joined some clubs and organizations in my area but I run into the same issues with those: I do become really friendly with everyone but I never really see them outside of the organization meetings/events. Occasionally we may go out to lunch or something but it's always more of a one-off thing and never develops into something regular. I do realize that I may be partly to blame for that, because I don't really invite people out myself very often and wait to get invited. Part of my problem with that is I have a really hard time judging what kinds of things to invite people to, as well as whether inviting someone somewhere would be appropriate.

I have been trying to look at things from a non-biased perspective to see what might be holding me back. One thing I noticed is that I never seem to have many, if any, highly engaging conversations with people. Just to explain what I mean by this: Imagine, hypothetically, that two people meet, and person A asks person B what he does for a living. Person B says he's a pilot, and then person A mentions that his father flew in the air force....and from there they propel into an hour-long conversation about the intricacies of the airline industry and the state of aviation today. I've noticed that situations like this seem to be almost required for developing friendships, and I see them happening all the time with people around me, but I just never find myself having these kinds of in-depth conversations. For example, I may be talking in a group of people, and then two members of the group will break off to have a really long personal conversation about something that was said. I guess part of it may be because most of the things I could have really detailed conversations about aren't very popular lol. Any tips on this would be welcome, I'm not exactly the most verbose conversationalist lol, although I would love to be able to learn to be.

Anyways, I apologize that my post is a tad long, but this problem has been weighing on my mind lately...it feels like everything in my life is going so well but socially I still have a lot of trouble. I really appreciate any advice that can be provided!

"Imagine, hypothetically, that two people meet, and person A asks person B what he does for a living. Person B says he's a pilot, and then person A mentions that his father flew in the air force....and from there they propel into an hour-long conversation about the intricacies of the airline industry and the state of aviation today. I've noticed that situations like this seem to be almost required for developing friendships, and I see them happening all the time with people around me, but I just never find myself having these kinds of in-depth conversations."

I don't do this. I look at person and see who they are, and then I talk to them. Rather than talking about stuff with them. You'll be crap at that because you won't know how to layer in the personal subtext that NTs do. So don't bother, just talk directly to people. Say what you feel, and if you feel nothing then accept that you won't be friends. Don't fake it. Most people have issues that make them scared to be anything but acquaintances. That's their business, leave them to it.

Friends are people you play with. If you want to play with someone and they don't want to, you won't be friends. If you don't want to play with someone, you won't be friends. You have to both want it.

I think you've doing the right by joining clubs and organisations. Having a mutual interest or hobby is an excellent foundation to build friendships on.
I understand your problems bridging the gap between acquaintances and friends. I've been quite successful in making "friends" with some people at the place where I volunteer. I think the trick is to socialise outside of the environment you associate with them. I started attending work-related celebrations such as a party, birthdays, etc. Then, I asked someone that I got on with quite well if they wanted to go see a film. From there we went on to do other things every now and then. We're not very close friends, but we're friends, I think.

I think my experience is similar to yours. You've joined a club/organisation. You meet occassionaly and now want to spend more time with them outside of the club/organisation setting. I'd suggest you try and find some common ground - a shared interest/actvity or discover a film that you both want to see and go and see it together. The more time you spend with the person outside of your regular business with them, the stronger bond you'll build with them. If you could find something to do together once or twice a month, you'll be more comfortable around each other and do others together too. At least in theory.

I hope that makes sense.

Good luck.

I had joined meditation clubs etc earlier but unable to make any long lasting friendship from there.
also at workplace i was able to make friends but after i changed the workplace the friendship didnt sustain long enough and we drifted apart
nowadays i am unable to make friends at my current workplace and it gets really lonely....
people there find me mute, withdrawn etc...
I did attend a spiritual group this week but there was so much silence and serious discussion going on there that i dont think any friendship could be developed from there.
if we cant drag a conversation and make it interesting people dont like to include us in they find us boring etc.
and even i dont have social life besides going with my husband or son...
i wait for the other person to make the first move about inviting me for movie, park anything but nobody does that and i stopped inviting people because earlier when i used to they would make excuses or straight away say no

Perhaps you need to find an activity or club which better lends itself to being social. In the past few years I joined a running club and met a lot of nice people with whom I socialise. If running isn't your bag, then maybe a walking or cycling club? People that do these type of activities are usually welcoming and open to meeting new people; I guess being sociable is the primary motivator alongside the activity.

Evening walk was helpful earlier also to meet new people.
i will get back with it....

Exciting. Good luck, namaste.

I've been struggling with this one. I've been getting better at maintaining conversations, but there's not many people I could connect with on a deeper level. When I do meet some, I don't know how to advance the relationship appropriately and wonder if I even have the ability to. Socializing is never effortless, and sometimes is panic causing for me.

I really wish I knew the answer to this question. At school I usually had a person I would chat to and share thoughts and feelings with so I guess they would be called friends. But since then I dont know what relationship I have with anybody. I speak to people but wouldnt say I have any friends and my acquaintances seem to drift further away because I dont feel I have a good reason to bother them.
Maybe the explanation to my situation lies in the fact that I like to be alone sometimes and especially if Im upset or unwell and I only feel I have done a task well such as changing a car tyre or doing some diy around the house if I have done it alone.
In my opinion people who have a large number of friends tend to prefer not to cope alone would people to help with diy or comfort them when they are unhappy.

I cant bring myself to do what other people do which is ring someone and have a chat and ask them to come and help with something. I see this as selfish behaviour, speaking to other people because they are useful to you. But I think this is sort of the definition of a friend - someone who will do something for you and you are prepared to do something in return. I just find it really difficult to believe using people for your own benefit can be a good thing even if you do help them in return.

Friendship is nothing to do with conversation, it's about play. You converse with acquaintances, you play with friends.

I don't think there is any such thing as true friendship. People call acquaintances "friends" if they like to hang out with them on a regular basis, that's all. That can quickly change though. There is nobody who is willing to always be there for you, go with you through thick and thin, and stand by your side no matter what. That kind of loyality only exists among relatives, if it exists at all. Even the love of a family member is conditional, and may be a mixture of resentment and liability rather than affection.

How do you meet new people by going on a walk? Do you invite people you know to go walking with you? Do you meet people on the street and say hi?

No there is a walking track in our society compound
People take evening walks there

I used to take a walk daily
and when some person was walking alone i used to ask them whether i can join them

I made one friend like that from walking expedition
now she would be shifting from this colony (

ya i have just one friend....this friend takes a evening walk with me sometimes no obligation friendship just a casual walk.

Relatives have mostly cut off with me since they had other agendas or find me boring overall.

i agree love of family is more of resentment and liability since my mom and brother are bipolar/narcissistic and they act weird
most of the time

When NTs make friends, they dont follow a list of rules, or formula. It just happens because the people enjoy being around eachother. I wouldnt think about it. Just keep being busy and being nice, and likely it will happen with at least somebody.

I wish that I knew the answer also. I came here tonight looking for exactly this answer. There is someone in my life at the moment who I would very much like to be friends with. My biggest problem is that I can not judge if they would like to be my friend, and what is appropriate. I think about that I could ask her to have a coffee, that it surely could not be inappropriate, but actually I don't know if she would straight away say no to me. I don't want to have to feel that rejection. I also do not know how to judge if I am under or over disclosing. None of it comes naturally to me, I had forgotten after so many years of not trying to make any connections.