Do NTs hold grudges longer than Aspies?

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TellyKNetic
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03 Apr 2012, 12:00 am

Okay, so here's what happened. My brother and some of his friends went off to see a movie earlier today. I was not busy, it was a movie he knew I wanted to see, and I'm very close to my brother but I wasn't invited.

When I asked why, I honestly expected him to say that he just wanted to hang out with only his friends, which would have been fine by me. But he told me instead that one of his friends didn't like me. I asked which, he told me, but I couldn't put a face to the friends name. My brother told me that I argued with him the last time all of us did something together. It was some stupid argument, that I don't even remember the topic of, nor do I remember being offended or saying anything particular offensive.

So, do the majority of NTs hold dumb grudges like this? Or are most of them more reasonable?



Alexender
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03 Apr 2012, 12:03 am

You also hear the opposite... that aspies hold grudges longer than NT's. If someone with aspergers is wronged by "John" then they shun him (extreme example)


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League_Girl
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03 Apr 2012, 1:14 am

I usually hear it's aspies that hold long grudges for things. Sure some NTs hold long grudges too. I think it's more of a personality thing.



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03 Apr 2012, 1:23 am

I categorize people constantly and when i judge someone as not worthy of interacting with then this can last for years, until they prove otherwise.
Goes in the opposite direction aswell, some people are hero's to me and everyone else is somewhere in between.



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03 Apr 2012, 1:41 am

TellyKNetic wrote:
Okay, so here's what happened. My brother and some of his friends went off to see a movie earlier today. I was not busy, it was a movie he knew I wanted to see, and I'm very close to my brother but I wasn't invited.

When I asked why, I honestly expected him to say that he just wanted to hang out with only his friends, which would have been fine by me. But he told me instead that one of his friends didn't like me. I asked which, he told me, but I couldn't put a face to the friends name. My brother told me that I argued with him the last time all of us did something together. It was some stupid argument, that I don't even remember the topic of, nor do I remember being offended or saying anything particular offensive.

So, do the majority of NTs hold dumb grudges like this? Or are most of them more reasonable?



The short answer: It depends on the individual and the circumstances.

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starryeyedvoyager
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03 Apr 2012, 2:13 am

I usually do not hold grudges longer than... one day. I simply don't consider things like that important enough to burden my mind with, so in the end, what happened happened, no need to be angry about such things. But I know that if you push my buttons the wrong way too intensely or one time too often, you are ancient history for me and then, until I get some kind of appology, I can hold grudges indefinitely.



Joe90
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03 Apr 2012, 7:23 am

It doesn't matter if you're NT or Aspie, it depends on your personality. I don't hold a grudge with people, unless they've done something really big to me, but even then it depends on what sort of person they are too.


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abyssquick
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03 Apr 2012, 7:59 am

The grudge I've held towards my last full-time employer is still as fresh as yesterday. It's one thing to fire someone for an isolated incident - that can be understandable. It's quite another to trample someone character, self-esteem, and confiscate $420 of their earned property (a vacation week), slander them in a newsletter, accuse them of laziness and deceit, and not give any chance to respond.

This was the most humiliating of possible ways I could have been "let go" - and the experience still resonates with me today, 3 years later. So yes, we hold grudges. Especially towards genuine a$$holes.

I think it depends on your level of confidence and functionality. I'm cursed in the way that I can function for a short while at high capacity. And this is what employers choose to see, and hold me to, despite whatever I say about my medical conditions.



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07 Apr 2012, 1:45 pm

While I can forgive, I can never forget.

Allowing yourself to be put right back in the same position that got you hurt once before means you didn't learn anything.



CockneyRebel
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07 Apr 2012, 6:10 pm

I've been known to hold some pretty strong grudges.


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RazorEddie
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08 Apr 2012, 8:55 am

I don't bother with grudges. There are more important things in life to worry about.


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Gravechylde
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08 Apr 2012, 12:17 pm

I've never really held any grudges at all. I will like that person less and will be less likely to be friends with them, but I don't stay mad at what happened.


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08 Apr 2012, 12:28 pm

I think it can go either way, aspies could hold more grudges because they're more rigid than NTs, and at the same time aspies can be very naive and might forgive bullies too much because they want to be their friend. It happened to me enough at school, and is currently happening to my brother.


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09 Apr 2012, 12:51 am

I dont hold grudges too often but once I do I hold a grudge for a very long time sometimes if I am angry enough, or hate that person enough, the grudge can hold on for years and I will think of hurtful things to say to that person each day but I hate being mad and hateful long enough, sometimes excessive hate gets exhausting. If I have intense hatred I get very exausted after a while.


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09 Apr 2012, 1:01 am

I had a friend who relocated and got engaged a few weeks later. A week after getting engaged, she got married.

She didn't tell our mutual friends or I that she was engaged or getting married. We found out online. Not cool.

A few weeks after that, she texts me some goofy text, as if nothing had happened.

The girl got married without telling her friends. I can't put that behind me and act as if nothing happened. I also don't have the desire to bring it up to her or ask why. I just assume the friendship is over and that's that.