So I had my first meetup with the woman I met on OKC

Post Reply New Topic

Glassjailer is my new favorite. Insightful, incisive advice.

She hasn't replied to my invite to check out the art galeries this evening. I guess I never had a chance.

Part of me still wants to go out and see what happens.

The other wants to stay in and work. I don't know what.

Work gives me little joy because there is no one to share with.

Did you message her the day of or did you give her a few days notice?

This morning. I was trying to be spontaneous, since I am to understand women like that. She normally repliesalmost right away. Now, nothing.

I love checkingthe galleries on first Friday but lately it sickens me, because I see all these happy couples, or groups of friends I am not a part of. Beautiful women I dare not speak to because I'll be rejected. Young people who make me realize that at 27 I'm already an old man past my prime, except I never had a prime. Was mediocre always will be.

Well I know you can do what glassjailer just mentioned as you put yourself out to try and get this one girl to like you to accept yourself so other potential females can see you being happy about yourself.

I think you need more irons in the fire than this particular woman .Unfortunately your interest level seems much higher than hers.

I'm back home. Spent First Friday alone, walking around taking pictures. I couldn't talk to anyone. I don't know what's wrong with me, or how I could fix it.

I'm home now, and I feel I could cry.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be quite helpful to you I think, as someone else mentioned. Your thought 2 above does not necessarily follow from thought 1. You didn't give yourself a chance.

I've been in this girl's situation (I'm NT) where I had a series of first dates. You said she's attractive. She honestly told you she's going on 1st dates - you should expect she's busy. How did you think she'd be fitting all these first dates in between Wed and Sat and going out with you again? 3 days is not giving her time. Send 1-2 emails or texts a week while she's busy dating.

I'll tell you what guys have done that worked with me - they waited, they didn't pressure me, they stayed in touch but kept it light. I was honestly busy meeting people - girls get lots of responses - it's time consuming. I went on 4 dates with one guy - he was a ridiculously interesting and successful NT and I thought I should be attracted to him but after 4 dates I wasn't. He'd be the guy you think you wouldn't have a chance against. And the clueless, quirky guy I went on 1 date with (before the NT guy) kept in touch, kept it light, perservered - he was sweet but sent up all sorts of red flags. I wouldn't have contacted him again if he hadn't perservered. He just emailed once or twice a week over about 2-3 weeks before I finally had time and inclination to 'try' him again (and I'm really glad I did). I wasn't stringing him along; I honestly was busy and he hadn't made a good first impression. I initially thought he was schizoid but can now see he's very Aspie.

Dating can be a real chore sometimes. The guys who seem impressive initially sometimes aren't after a few more dates. You could think of it as giving her time to reject the other guys!

Now the guys who persevere, it works about 50% of the time with me. Sometimes I really am not interested in them. Sometimes am a bit interested, enough to go out again. I've also been quite impressed by guys who can persevere like this without being desperate or annoying - it shows emotional maturity, confidence, patience. Also if she's NT and you're Aspie and she doesn't know that, well it can be confusing for her to figure you out. I know it took a while for my Aspie friend to grow on me.

Email or text her again after 1 week, repeat for 3 weeks. You have nothing to lose. If you don't hear from her again after 3 weeks, THEN admit defeat.

Brianruns10,

I feel you, so well.

So sad... why is it so hard to just find a girl who will want to spend time with you and who will actually like you?

I don't know it depresses the f**k out of me to think I may have to keep at dating EVERY weekend for the next 5 years and sitll not even be close.

I already have so much regret for not living a fullfilling teenage and early 20's life. My late 20's life may end up out the door just same. I'll hit 30, with 30 years of never feeling fullfilled in life and I do feel like nothingness would be a great release to that existence. Just the thought of my mom is the only thing that makes that notion impossible to do for me.

I think about how this forum is called 'wrong planet', and if really what are we doing on the wrong planet?

I wish I could give you some inspirational messages. But really the only thing that keeps me going is caffeine, my vitamin supplements and the fact I atleast really love my work/hobby.

I would like to think its impossible for nature to create us without an ideal female counterpart to match us. But I don't know anymore. Alot of the time I feel like I should be crying as well.

Wait, wait wait.

So a guy was messaging you and then you stopped messaging him. But then he kept messaging twice a week for a month? And then you actually responded?

I tend to think if I messaged a girl twice a week for a month without her ever responding, I think it would freak her out.

What did he say in those messages?

No, I did respond to his emails, not instantly but after a few days. After our first meeting, he waited a few days and sent a short, simple factual email - a comment on something we'd discussed. Yes he kept the emailing up for 3 weeks before we went out again. He wasn't pushing to go out so he wasn't annoying me and I was happy to just answer his emails. And in that time, his intelligence and weird sense of humor just shone through and I wanted to go out with him again.

Though another time, another guy asked me out (online) but I did not respond. He did email ~ once a week for nearly a month and his pleasant and patient persistence impressed me enough to go out with him then.

Other guys have done the same but sounded too desperate or whiny and I've avoided them. Just keep it casual, show interest but don't pressure.

i had a girl say see you again? and nvr returned my txs asking for a second date.

Just reading your post reminded me of a girl I asked out in highschool since I felt confident at the moment and then she had told me that she doesen't know since two other guys where in the process of asking her, she was really pretty also. Some people have many options to work with. Like others have said, you gotta show her the best of you.

So if perseverance paid off into getting a date, how come the dates didn't turn into long term relationships? I ask because you say another guy this and that. It's always another guy.

Why not stick around?