So I had my first meetup with the woman I met on OKC

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Alexender
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04 Apr 2012, 9:43 pm

Subotai wrote:

Honestly to me it sounds like you neglected to build enough attraction before moving to comfort building.
This is MM sequencing mistake #2; To start in the middle.
Ideally a courtship should follow this pattern; Attraction--->Comfort--->Seduction.
So instead of an initial nice conversation getting to know each other you should try to subtly demonstrate value you can bring to her life

And this is obviously easier said than done but during the course of your time together if you can get her to invest value in you somehow it increases likelihood of another meeting. Time spent is actually a small investment which you have already accomplished with the date alone.

Hooray Pick up artists!!

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Brianruns10
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04 Apr 2012, 9:47 pm

Here's some of my stuff. It's pretty much all s**t.

Faner Hall Part 1

Here's my profile if you want to see the rest of my "films"

My Film Page

hyperlexian
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04 Apr 2012, 10:06 pm

Aharon wrote:

First off, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was there too. So remember everything I say applies to me too!

You feel so alone now, and you are, but there are worse kinds of alone then what you're feeling. Being with someone doesn't guarantee companionship and joy. You can be with someone and be 10 times more alone and miserable then you were by yourself. You can be in bed next to the love of your life, and she shrugs away from you even in her sleep, because she's that hurt.

I used to hate myself all the time. I got fixated on this idea that if I could just find someone to love me, then my whole life would change. And it did change! It got WORSE! Trust me when I say this; if you don't love yourself, there's no woman who ever lived that can change that. You have got to accept yourself and love yourself, or you'll just be a bottomless well some poor woman pours her life into, and gets nothing back for it.

Many men have walked the same path in life before I walked it. Many men have walked it since. You are walking it now. This is not like in the movies, where they find love in the end and run off into the rainbows together. This is LIFE. And it's more real, more work. and more disappointing then anyone can imagine. And you can't fool life.

Getting into a relationship doesn't solve problems. It creates problems. All the way from where do I put toothbrush now to there's some things about this person i just can't stand. And it creates people too. Little kids who grow up in their parent's shattered delusions.There's so much more at stake then one man's lonliness.

Do yourself a favor. Don't do ANYTHING you are not totally at ease with doing the rest of your life. Because the trend is the courtship ends after marriage, even in an NT/NT relationship. Don't make it where "normal" ends after marriage begins.

Just be you. And if you want to work on yourself, by all means do so. Just remember to be honest. If she doesn't pick you because of that, it's better that way, I assure you.

I wish you success!

can i copy your post over to the "Essential Advice" thread? your advice is quite awesome

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt174424.html

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TechnoDog
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04 Apr 2012, 10:14 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

Here's some of my stuff. It's pretty much all sh**.

You should stick the link in your profile of this site. That way you will get more hits, & in your signature.

Pretty nice guy this “Delyte W. Morris” opening a open admission policy to people who did not get the grades & for the handicapped. Well narrated & tells the story well & that is just the first clip.

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Brianruns10
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04 Apr 2012, 10:15 pm

What if, assuming I can manage a second date or even a third one, I get her a nice gift to convey what she means to me? I restore antiques, like vintage radios in lovely wooden casings, or a chrome drink mixer for a soda fountain...something I do with my hands that is just for her...that would say volumes I think. Would it convince her of my affections?

hyperlexian
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04 Apr 2012, 10:16 pm

no. it is overkill and screams desperation.

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Brianruns10
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04 Apr 2012, 10:23 pm

But how am I to stand apart from the crowd, and show her what a good person I can be? I mean, my dad gave my mom flowers after their first date, and they were engaged 3 months later. And they're approaching 40 years together.

I'm trying to think of anything that will say, "I'm not like the rest, I'm different. I'm a good person who will respect and never take you for granted"

hyperlexian
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04 Apr 2012, 10:25 pm

you don't need to stand out, you need to have chemistry with her. maybe she feels it and maybe she doesn't.

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Brianruns10
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04 Apr 2012, 10:33 pm

I just wish I could read that. I wish I knew what the heck chemistry was. All I know was that I immensely enjoyed our correspondence, and how we wrote each other nearly every day. She is so intelligent and driven, and she's in basically the same field as I. We could collaborate on a project, be a real team! She's focused on her health, as much as I am in mine, and I just feel about her, 'You're really cool...I want to hang out with you."

I sort of wish there wasn't the whole dating subtext. A guy and girl meet and it becomes "something." What's wrong with hanging out and watching a movie? I'd love that dearly.

Wolfheart
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05 Apr 2012, 1:34 am

Brianruns10 wrote:

That's good Brian, you've laid the trap, now you need to prove to her that you are better than the other guys. You need to tell her affectionate and cute things so she realizes you are the right man. Personally I think buying her a gift is a great idea, buy her a gift and go around her house and say "You were meant to be mine and I'm going to prove it to you" and be assertive when you say it.

You don't have to act like an alpha douche to impress a girl, she will most likely see through that façade and see you as transparent, you just need to be yourself and learn to be comfortable in yourself.

Aharon
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05 Apr 2012, 4:10 am

hyperlexian wrote:

can i copy your post over to the "Essential Advice" thread? your advice is quite awesome

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt174424.html

Sure, if you think it might help, yes forever.

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05 Apr 2012, 8:42 am

Thinking about the OP's dilemma, this song came to mind, written by the Everly Brothers, a big hit for Linda Ronstadt, I actually thought Warren Zevon wrote it but he did not. It pretty much summarizes the OP's situation.

Linda's version

www.youtube.com

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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05 Apr 2012, 9:57 am

heathergracie wrote:

You're not hopeless or worthless. Please see the positive in this great day!

I disagree with ZX...telling yourself the most you can do is mess something up is overwhelmingly negative and untrue.

Patience is one of the hardest things in the world. But it's so worth it.

You have had a great day. Don't lose that.

No, I meant that if he pressures her and pesters her, he will be the one to mess it up. He has no control over how his date feels about him, all he could do was represent himself as best he could during the actual date and hope for the best.
It's entirely down to her, now.

Brianruns10
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05 Apr 2012, 10:29 am

That's what it always comes down to, doesn't it? How the other person feels? I don't feel choosy at all...I've been willing to give anyone a chance, but it hasn't been reciprocal.

What if it never happens? I've been trying in earnest to find someone for seven years now, and not even managed a third date. Many of those I tried to date have already found their loves and gotten married.

The thought of being alone my whole life just makes me want to end it. I can't bear the thought of living when I don't matter to others.

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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05 Apr 2012, 10:47 am

Brianruns10 wrote:

Yes, yes it is. It's out of your hands. If she's not into you, there's very little you can do about it, you just have to chalk it up to experience and move on without taking it personally. We all have different likes and dislikes, different things that make us interested in spending time with someone. There has to be a chemistry, you either feel it or you don't. Have you never been on a date and really wanted to get the hell out of there?
Please don't take this the wrong way, but the world does not revolve around you. She and any subsequent women will make their own decisions and you'll only hamper your chances by pursuing them or pestering. If she's not into you, you lose both ways. Not only don't you get the girl, you also come off looking like a desperado. Not a quality anyone wants to see, frankly.
And as for the last sentence of your post, that may be how you feel right now, but think of the bigger picture. The future isn't already defined, you don't know what's around the corner. You need to learn to look after you, and be your own best friend. How many marriages and relationships end? People come and go, some stay longer than others, some will f**k you over, you will try your best not to I'm sure, but in some way you will too. You need to take care of you and learn to love and enrich your own life, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others you encounter. Once you get that down, you'll know.
It's all about confidence.

Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 05 Apr 2012, 11:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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05 Apr 2012, 10:50 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Oh good gawd.

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