I can't deal with my autistic brother

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My little brother, who is 7, has autism. Recently (the past few months) he's changed. We would argue occasionally, but not often and other times, he'd be so loving and kind. Lately, he's just been so disrespectful- to my mum, my older brother and to me. He says awful things like "I hate you" and calling me a "stupid cow". I try to explain clearly by getting down to his level and telling him "You should not ____. That is naughty and I do not like it. It makes me feel _____" But he either hits me, calls me something or mocks me. I try telling my mum, in hope that she will do something, but she often ignores it. If she doesn't ignore it, all she does tell him, the way I do and he often doesn't listen at all. She doesn't do anything more, possible because parenting courses say "reward the good, ignore the bad." It feels like she's accepted that that's just the way he is because of his autism, but I think that's unfair, because I have Aspergers and I've only recently been diagnosed, so I've never had allowances made for me and I've learnt respect. We don't deserve to be treated this way and it really upsets me. Sometimes I get so frustrated and upset- I don't know what to do- I'm ashamed to say I've hit him a couple of times.

I can't do it anymore. I've considered moving to my Dad's as I can't cope with him, but that wouldn't work because of my very rigid routine; I can't even sleep if my mum doesn't say goodnight to me in an exact way.

It wouldn't bother me as much if he'd always been like this, but he hasn't. I want my kind, loving brother back. I just love him so much and it really hurts me when he's awful to me. I'm to the point where I wish I could stop caring about him, just so it wouldn't hurt me thus much. I dont know what to do anymore.

Oh, I'm 15 by the way, if that adds anything at all.

I kind of understand what your saying with how it can be annoying. I have a brother 2 years younger than me and a sister that is 7. Everything little thing they do can irritate me. With my brother he is just a complete opposite of me. The way we got along is by not speaking with each other except for topics that we know are fine. Otherwise we will end up arguing. I can't be in the same room as my 7 year old sister a lot of the time because of annoying things she does like tapping or other things.

Pretty much give each other some space. And if you want to be able to go to sleep on your own or have an easier time of it I think self hypnotism is a good option. Would also be something you could do if you get anxious over something

Holy cow! You seem to be in about the worst situation possible.

The only thing you can do is try and survive. Hang in there.

I've tried staying away from him, but that upsets me as much as the things he does; it feels like I've lost my little brother. It's like a massive personality change. And I already have my own room.

I don't know why he's doing that. There are probably a billion possible explanations. Maybe you should try asking him or figuring out why he's doing that. Maybe it's because there's something wrong in his life. I remember suddenly getting depressed (and I'm not using that casually - I mean seriously depressed) when I was young. I started lashing out and becoming explosive at home, to the point where I was like "something's wrong I need help". And the more stressed and depressed I got, the worse I became at home. I'd do stuff like your brother is - call names, hit, say "I hate you!", and have long screaming matches what seemed like every day. If you look it up, irritability and anger is associated with depression.

It can also reflect the situation around him. Bullying made things a lot worse for me, made me angrier. And since he's autistic, if he goes to school he's likely being bullied there for being "different". That and sensory issues, new environments and such can make things more stressful - you probably know that too. Some can deal with it better than others. Don't think it has to do with you. People can get angry about something totally different then take it out on whoever is around.

But if it's depression or something of that sort, things can get better. Don't think your brother is lost. After years of hard work I more or less have my anger under control though I'll still have the occasional outburst. And however I treated my family, I felt sorry for what I did, and I love them.

Sensory things can help. After really bad bouts of anger I'd go to a cool, damp, pitch black room, away from everyone. I'd go into a very small space and curl up. I don't mean just for your brother, though it could help him if he has sensory issues. Sensory things could help you with your emotions and calm you too.

It might be nothing like this. The person above who suggested it's a nasty phase could be right. And I'm not suggesting that you're responsible for parenting him. If you think it would help, I suggest you bring it up with your mom. If this happened suddenly, I don't see why him being autistic should be blamed. Something changed. So maybe (assuming she is resigned) she stopped being resigned, then she could do something. Bring him to a psychologist maybe? Not saying that sarcastically - when I was depressed a good psychologist helped a lot, though not all psychologists are good. But they can help sniff out what the problem is.

Anyway, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You don't deserve to be treated like that, and I hope things get better.