Something odd my psychiatrist said

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So I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and we were talking about the stresses related to my asperger activism (I go to a group every weekend and am also active in two organisations). My psychiatrist asked if it wasn't hard to be so much together with people with the same difficaulties as myself, because I'm then constantly reminded of my difficaulties.She didn't seem to understand that I'm even more reminded of my AS when I'm socializing with NTs, because communication is so much harder then. What do you think about this?

I think your psychiatrist is weird. It is easier to be around peers although there is various types of asperger people. Although it feels that some aspergers are also from different planet than person herself, you do know that everyone there understands if there's some social misunderstandings. With NT:'s it's different, with them you always need to explain your behaviour (which is hard, I've had to explain my hearing sensitivity to NT's and I must say, it's like describing colours to a blind person) and yet your not completely understood and accepted.

I think your shrink is an idiot who labors under the delusion that all people want-- make that need-- to be "normal." That you can't possibly like yourself if you're "not."

If she listens to you, talk about it. Run with it and maybe she will end up better educated.

I guess hope springs eternal. Stupid hope.

If not, find a shrink who's not so interested in getting you to go into the box. Before you end up overmedicated into it anyway-- or bullied into it with the threat of overmedication.

Exactly! Sure, we have missunderstandings in our group, but we can talk through them. I actually like it when the older men "my uncles" tell me if I'm reacting to strongly to something. They tell it straight, instead of dropping hints like NTs, and help me become a better person

Well, they problem is she is pretty well educated. My coach has been there and talked about as and so on. She's actually really good, which makes the comment even more weird. I have to discuss this with her next time I go to her

I think you might be reading too much into this. It does not sound like she implied that being around others on the spectrum is worse then normal.

One time i went to a spectrum meetup thing and it was so awkward that i left within 10 minutes. I generally have more patience and understanding for people who are different, but sometimes it can really rub me the wrong way. This only happened once or twice when i am around a person that is full blown aspie. It made me feel really horrible and so out of place. I am not trying to be offensive but thats just how i experienced it.
I have been to another meeting and it was great.

I agree with everything you wrote.

"Normal" people tend to see themselves reflected in others and it amplifies their own traits. They spend time with people who make them feel better about themselves. This might be where her assumption is coming from. Spending time with others with difficulties like yourself and seeing yourself reflected in them might make some people feel even worse about themselves since it "amplifies" their own problems.

Perhaps your shrink was trying to lead you into talking about insights into your own condition you have gained from being around others who are the same. Spectrum folks are notoriously unconscious of themselves and how they appear to others--perhaps she thought you might want to process emotionally about how those others appeared to you, and whether it upset you to realize you were like them.

Sounds sensible, however, why is there so much fighting amongst NT's then? Or just gossip. I remember when i was about 7, i realized that family members and relatives were always talking bad about those who were not present, and the next time just the other way around. Is talking bad a trait they like in others and themselves? They should be able to recognize that next time it hits them as well.

OP, your shrink is manipulative, but that's just my own experience. She might try to push you into "normal" behavior and later on tell you that' you're quite normal. I've gone through this with a female shrink who told me each week that i was leading a wonderful life due to the fact i don't suffer from depression, unlike her other patients. Some of them have no clue about AS and don't want to know anything about the topic. If she acts like that again, you should consider a change.

''They spend time with people who make them feel better about themselves.''

I like to change that to, most people will spend time with others who validate their beliefs. If someone thinks negatively of themselves they gravitate towards people who treat them badly. Giving positive attention or a compliment to someone who believes he does not deserve them can backfire instead of them growing closer to you.

IF on the other hand someone values himself greatly he will gravitate towards people who reflect this back at him. A confident person will not put up with being talked down too.
If most people are fighting constantly it could mean that most people have problems with themselves and relating to others. Which seems very plausible from my experiences so far, this goes for everyone not just those labeled.

My understanding is that this sort of behavior has something to do with status. People put other people down in order to undermine them socially while at the same time promoting themselves. They can speak badly about A. someone they consider a threat (a pretty or smart person) or B. someone who is already of lower status to reinforce that status and because it is a "safe" target to make fun of.

Now, in terms of a disclaimer, there are plenty of behaviors that are not purely social manipulation and many other motives and intentions are mixed in. The above is a very simplified version of what some people do sometimes, I am not intending to say that all people do this all the time. Also of note, there is a balance to it as an extreme gossiper/backbiter is disliked generally by most.

Besides, liking how someone makes you feel about yourself is not the only reason to choose a companion. Just one that seemed relevent within the context of the OP.

Your psych were probably mixing some stuff up here...

Generally you would advice someone to NOT get to involved in a group/activism for widows, or social anxiety etc etc, namely because 1) you do not want them to be constantly reminded of it and most importantly 2) you do not want them to take their grief or social anxiety or what not and make it a part of their identity, because then they will not get better. - But both of these things certainly does not apply to Asperger's as social issues become less apparent with other aspies, not more. And you will always have Asperger's anyway, it is a part of your identity.