Girlfriend

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ValentineWiggin
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19 Apr 2012, 7:34 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

No, don't do that. There's nothing worse than thinking a guy is your friend only to find out he's just acting friendly to get in your pants.
Relationships involve a lot of awkward conversations (especially sexual relationships) so if you want to be in a relationship you're going to have to get used to that.
Use your words, ask her "would you like to be my girlfriend?"
boom easy

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

A lot of relationships don't have any pretense of platonic interaction in the beginning- there's immediate, reciprocated attraction, and the getting-to-know-you phase proceeds accordingly.

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Boxman108
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19 Apr 2012, 9:13 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

A lot of relationships don't have any pretense of platonic interaction in the beginning- there's immediate, reciprocated attraction, and the getting-to-know-you phase proceeds accordingly.

Anything rushed will only ever end in failure. Why bother with people you don't already know?

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ValentineWiggin
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19 Apr 2012, 9:47 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

A lot of relationships don't have any pretense of platonic interaction in the beginning- there's immediate, reciprocated attraction, and the getting-to-know-you phase proceeds accordingly.

Anything rushed will only ever end in failure. Why bother with people you don't already know?

I didn't say to "rush" things, merely that it's not a requirement that people pretend to only be platonically attracted to each other, for the sake of "getting to know each other". Those can be done in a flirtatious, early-relationship way, too.

blunnet
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19 Apr 2012, 9:57 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

I find it's best at knifepoint.

Why didn't I think of that.

edgewaters
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19 Apr 2012, 10:57 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

You might be assuming that a platonic friendship that goes somewhere else always starts with intent, though ("pretending"). If you are, I disagree. It does happen, of course, but also relationships just sometimes change. To me this is obvious because they can change in other ways besides that. Casual acquaintance to close/best friend or vice-versa, for instance.

DogsWithoutHorses
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19 Apr 2012, 11:05 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:

shyguy2012 wrote:

The best way is to be her friend.. Then let it build from there and it will happen.

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Romance growing out of a true, honest friendship is great. But you shouldn't try to become someone's "friend" just because you want to date/have sex with them. That is disingenuous.

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Wolfheart
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20 Apr 2012, 1:18 am

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Some relationships or most are formed straight away without any kind of friendship forming. Sometimes the chemistry or feelings are too strong that two people just start dating, that's more likely the case.

cinbad
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20 Apr 2012, 1:20 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

What he said.

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Homer_Bob
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20 Apr 2012, 7:36 pm

Be friend them and hope they aren't seeing someone. Take an interest in her life and go out of your way to get to know her. However, don't wait around forever because if you do, eventually someone else will get her. That's been my experience and it's disappointing. I've befriended girls but I didn't get to ask them out in time and low and behold, they were dating someone else while I was just their pal.

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Boxman108
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20 Apr 2012, 11:22 pm

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Otherwise known as reckless behavior.

Inyanook
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20 Apr 2012, 11:31 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Otherwise known as reckless behavior.

Just different, really. It's not something I would consider, I think, because I tend to not be comfortable enough with people until I am close to them — but I do know people who have done just that, and it's fine. If you're mutually attracted, why not get together?

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Boxman108
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20 Apr 2012, 11:50 pm

Inyanook wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

It's not pretending. You can't just dive right into a relationship without building upon friendship first.

Otherwise known as reckless behavior.

Mutual attraction doesn't have any solid ground to build a serious relationship on. There's no such thing as love at first sight, and those that believe that are doomed from the start.

AspieOtaku
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21 Apr 2012, 12:33 am

:oops: Im not the best at asking them out I kind of freeze and walk away. They usually tend to ask me out and make the first moves on me. :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

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hyperlexian
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21 Apr 2012, 1:30 am

sometimes relationships start with friendship, and sometimes they kick off quickly as relationships. but usually there is a bit of "get to know you" period before it is official, so the two parties are at least acquainted.

so walking up to a stranger and asking her to be your girlfriend is doomed to fail, but asking someone after you've been hanging out for a while might be acceptable. you don't have to be besties, but presumably you've been drawn to each other for some period of time.

i think that an expression of feelings should precede asking them to be your girlfriend. telling her you really enjoy spending time with her is one idea. then if she responds well, then a few days after that tell her that you have stronger feelings, that you really care for her deeply. if she again responds well, hold her hand or something, then later on ask her to make it official.

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AScomposer13413
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21 Apr 2012, 9:37 am

hyperlexian wrote:

sometimes relationships start with friendship, and sometimes they kick off quickly as relationships. but usually there is a bit of "get to know you" period before it is official, so the two parties are at least acquainted.

so walking up to a stranger and asking her to be your girlfriend is doomed to fail, but asking someone after you've been hanging out for a while might be acceptable. you don't have to be besties, but presumably you've been drawn to each other for some period of time.

i think that an expression of feelings should precede asking them to be your girlfriend. telling her you really enjoy spending time with her is one idea. then if she responds well, then a few days after that tell her that you have stronger feelings, that you really care for her deeply. if she again responds well, hold her hand or something, then later on ask her to make it official.

Hm...I've used this kind of system in the past, but it always failed due to my skipping the step in italics. At first, I was going to completely ditch that approach and wing it, but now you've given me a reason to go back to it!! Thanks, Hyperlexian

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