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layladylay
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20 Apr 2012, 9:08 am

Hello everyone.
I'm a 30something mum of 2 little ones, and my husband of more than a decade has recently been diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD. As shocking as this was, it was also a huge revelation. I jumped online and started reading and am astounded that my husband (who has always been just a little bit odd, in a really interesting kind of way :D ) fits almost perfectly within the pages of these websites and books.
Looking back, I can see that our entire life together has been structured to accomodate his Asperger's. The first few years were hard for us, as i realise now we were establishing boundaries and rules for managing the added stresses that were brought into our relationship from his undiagnosed AS. We have adapted, survived and indeed thrived but the additional stress of small children and one income has increased the anxiety level for everyone significantly. As life continued to get more difficult to navigate, my husband conceded that he needed help and this lead us down a bumpy path towards diagnosis. We have a limited support network and I've come to this community in search of NT partners who have some understanding of the challenges faced when trying to emotionally support, feed, share a home with, listen to (and keep listening to), communicate with, parent with and unconditionally love an AS partner.
If anyone reading this could point me in the right direction it would be greatly appreciated.
xx LLL



BTDT
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20 Apr 2012, 11:00 am

As an Aspie in a successful relationship for over a decade--I'd suggest that there be some effort toward balance in the relationship--it shouldn't be all about his disability.

It would be great if time could be set aside each week for non-Aspie activities--perhaps one day on the weekends when you do something as a couple or family that has nothing to do with any of his special interests or work.



Kyra71
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20 Apr 2012, 11:15 am

layladylay wrote:
the challenges faced when trying to emotionally support, feed, share a home with, listen to (and keep listening to), communicate with, parent with and unconditionally love an AS partner.


That sounds like a really heavy burden, that no one should have to endure. Best of luck to you <3



Tim_Tex
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20 Apr 2012, 11:41 am

Welcome to WP!


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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20 Apr 2012, 2:05 pm

As a person on the spectrum, a big issue for me is that I need a fair amount of alone time in order to emotionally process.

I take long walks and I kind of need them.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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20 Apr 2012, 2:11 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :cheers: :bigsmurf: :jester:

The following, which you may find interesting, is one person's creative, spoof definition and re-write of DSM IV.

http://www.journeyswithautism.com/2009/ ... or-autism/

I think it's better than the original!



CockneyRebel
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20 Apr 2012, 2:51 pm

Welkome to WP

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questor
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20 Apr 2012, 3:35 pm

Hi Layladylay! Welcome to Wrong Planet. Check out the interesting and helpful articles and forums here. You are among friends here at WP!

If money is tight, how about a garden, to reduce food expenses. If you preserver some of your produce, you can eat for less year round. Besides canning, you can also dry some foods, and store them that way for a while. You can also sell surplus produce at a yard stand.

How about money making hobbies, too.

Hope you enjoy the site. I do! :D


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layladylay
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20 Apr 2012, 5:46 pm

Thanks everyone :)
questor- Aren't food expenses are ridiculous atm?! We have put in vegie gardens and various fruit trees and vines, we also have chickens to complete the cycle. My husband realised we had little success at things like carrots and potatoes, so last year he planted 19 tomato plants of various varieties and documented which performed better, along with keeping a log of how many tomatoes we grew :) i ended up making litres and litres of tomato sauce, some of which is still in our freezer :D

aardvarkgoodswimmer- my husband has also needs a lot of time alone, just to clear his head and de-stress throughout the day. I'm sure nearly everyone here feels the same way. I've indulged him with this throughout the years and enjoyed having my own quiet time too, as a consequence. The pressures that we have experienced recently simply boil down to the fact that there are times when he needs "alone time" and i need him to be present for my sanity and to help with our kids (it was less of a stress with one child as we could "take turns" where now we tend to need to "divide and conquer". Like all things, this period of our lives is changing as our children become more independant, and we'll be facing new challenges together, but i am hopeful that others may have some strategies that we could explore for finding a healthier balance between kids, work, special interests and 'us time'. I also hope we could share some of our strategies and this may be of benefit for others in this community.

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone.
xx LLL



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20 Apr 2012, 7:42 pm

Welcome to Wrong planet!


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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21 Apr 2012, 12:25 pm

With me and alone time . . . if I defer, it kind of builds and then I need a big block. If instead I kind of keep up, sometimes something as short as 15 minutes immediately after work can indeed work wonders.

As an example, when I was seeing a once a week speech therapist and then trying to practice daily on my own, reading from my lists of words and then reading passages from whatever book I happened to be reading anyway would sometimes also work I think as a type of a zen centering exercise. :flower: