Need a job for a girlfriend?

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1000Knives
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20 Apr 2012, 11:58 pm

I've been wondering about this. Is it good to even try at relationships without a job and/or going to school? I do have a license, but only my mother's car, I do get to use it 95% of the time I need to, but don't have nearly as much spending money for gas as I used to, so there's that. First there's the whole like if you're unemployed and not in school, then you're obviously failing at life stigma going on, so that's a large part of it. But there's also the practicality of it, too, not having money for dates, gifts, that sorta thing.

Thoughts?



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21 Apr 2012, 12:06 am

1000Knives wrote:
I've been wondering about this. Is it good to even try at relationships without a job and/or going to school? I do have a license, but only my mother's car, I do get to use it 95% of the time I need to, but don't have nearly as much spending money for gas as I used to, so there's that. First there's the whole like if you're unemployed and not in school, then you're obviously failing at life stigma going on, so that's a large part of it. But there's also the practicality of it, too, not having money for dates, gifts, that sorta thing.

Thoughts?


I have this problem to my advice would be try to find a girl. That just want's to be with you their are girl's that just like being with their guy. Money does matter to people but not everyone values money the same. Just as long as you make her happy and she like's being with you. Then you will not have to worry about everything else and do your best to save money if you can. That away your are always prepared to take a girl out on a nice date.



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21 Apr 2012, 1:25 am

I'm thinking you need to look at your own values.

So, is having money & possessions something that you respect in people? Because if it is, then you need to do something about it, as a relationship needs to have partners with same or similar life values.
If you're not a materialist though, you wouldn't want a materialistic girlfriend.
Which means you can be with someone whether you have money or not.

You're right though, it is nice to be able to give gifts from time to time, and to be able to go on dates...but alot of dates don't have to cost much, or anything at all, and, yes, you could save up for the occasional more costly experience...


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21 Apr 2012, 1:30 am

It's more important to find what makes you happy.

This could easily be taken differently but here is my interpretation: My friends and I used to have a joking rule about only dating guys who had a job, a car, and a full set of teeth. Mainly that was just about dating someone who took care of themselves and wouldn't need us to do it for him. So basically, if you've got yourself covered, you're golden.
(Of the 3 of us, 2 are married to charming men who are chronically unemployed and one is single - so decide for yourself how important those rules are in the face of love writ large)



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21 Apr 2012, 8:04 am

honestly man i stay away from girlfreinds and stuff like that. to much trouble and most the time dont end to well. but thats my thought. But anyway if you really need a girl just be yourself and one day you will meet a girl who isnt a real u know what. If the girl you like is more into money then you she wants the money and not you... These girls tend to be a lil trashy. Not saying money aint important in life or anything. I would focus on bettering myself before i go on a tail chase.



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21 Apr 2012, 8:43 pm

Almost every girl on the planet will strongly prefer a guy with a job. Not just for gifts and fancy dinners, but it also shows them that as a man, you are competent enough to take care of yourself and keep up with life. Just like men are attracted to women who are physically beautiful, women are attracted to men who are good at taking care of things and successful, or at least make a decent living.

This situation kind of exists in my family. My cousin married a guy who is in the National Guard, but he's some kind of reserve or something so he doesn't get paid. At the time they met, their only source of income was her job at Pizza Hut, and she still lived at home. When they got serious, they moved into my uncle's basement and got married after only a couple months of knowing each other. About 2 years and 2 kids later, neither of them have a job and they're completely dependent on my uncle and still living in his house. Their life is an absolute mess and really, I feel bad for my uncle, who is burdened with not only the finances of it but also has this going on in his home. I haven't seen them in years but to my knowledge, the "spark" is completely gone and now they're just stuck in an unhappy, unfulfilling, stressful, pitiful life. Basically, my point is is that even if you do find a girl willing to go for you even though you don't support yourself, it's going to be a mess that you desperately wish you would've never gotten into. That story is what happens when you put a girlfriend before taking care of yourself first.

If you're not in school, a job needs to come before a girlfriend. Even non-materialistic people have jobs.


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Adam82
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21 Apr 2012, 9:33 pm

My brother doesn't have a job and he has a girlfriend. But then, he isn't Aspie and has great people skills. Plus, he's young. Girls don't care so much about what a guy does for a living when they're young. It's when you get older that they start to look for a responsible guy who can look after her.



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21 Apr 2012, 10:39 pm

XJ220RACER wrote:
Almost every girl on the planet will strongly prefer a guy with a job. Not just for gifts and fancy dinners, but it also shows them that as a man, you are competent enough to take care of yourself and keep up with life. Just like men are attracted to women who are physically beautiful, women are attracted to men who are good at taking care of things and successful, or at least make a decent living.

This situation kind of exists in my family. My cousin married a guy who is in the National Guard, but he's some kind of reserve or something so he doesn't get paid. At the time they met, their only source of income was her job at Pizza Hut, and she still lived at home. When they got serious, they moved into my uncle's basement and got married after only a couple months of knowing each other. About 2 years and 2 kids later, neither of them have a job and they're completely dependent on my uncle and still living in his house. Their life is an absolute mess and really, I feel bad for my uncle, who is burdened with not only the finances of it but also has this going on in his home. I haven't seen them in years but to my knowledge, the "spark" is completely gone and now they're just stuck in an unhappy, unfulfilling, stressful, pitiful life. Basically, my point is is that even if you do find a girl willing to go for you even though you don't support yourself, it's going to be a mess that you desperately wish you would've never gotten into. That story is what happens when you put a girlfriend before taking care of yourself first.

If you're not in school, a job needs to come before a girlfriend. Even non-materialistic people have jobs.


Still, it's near impossible to get a job nowadays.


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Adam82
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21 Apr 2012, 11:07 pm

It is definitely a lot harder to get a decent job in today's economy. Especially for an Aspie who may lack social networking skills. I do tend to agree that if you want to get married, you have to have your affairs in order. It's no good living in your parents basement with your fiancee, with no job. A relationship can make you feel better, but it won't make ALL your life problems go away. You'll still need to find a job.

I haven't worked full time in eight months. But I do have seasonal casual work sometimes. I know if I want a serious relationship with a woman, I'll need to get my act together first.



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22 Apr 2012, 2:45 am

I'm in my 3rd(hopefully final) relationship rite now & I'm unemployed & cant drive so being an unemployed Aspie who doesn't have his own car doesn't necessarily mean it's impossible for you to find a girlfriend. I have worked before but I had no luck but bad trying to find a girl when I was employed. The 3 girlfriends I had I met on forums thou & I didn't have time to post in forums much when I was working. The one I have now is also unemployed & doesn't drive; we're both on disability so it's like we're on the same level. My suggestion is to try to look for a woman who could relate to your situation


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22 Apr 2012, 4:01 pm

Adam82 wrote:
It is definitely a lot harder to get a decent job in today's economy. Especially for an Aspie who may lack social networking skills. I do tend to agree that if you want to get married, you have to have your affairs in order. It's no good living in your parents basement with your fiancee, with no job. A relationship can make you feel better, but it won't make ALL your life problems go away. You'll still need to find a job.

I haven't worked full time in eight months. But I do have seasonal casual work sometimes. I know if I want a serious relationship with a woman, I'll need to get my act together first.


This pretty much sums it up, IMO.

And from my POV, I'd say it's reciprocal: I', far more attracted to girls (women, actually) who work and thus know that in order to get anything you must work hard, than to those who haven't worked a single day in their lives and are expecting that their men get anything for them immediately after they ask for it...



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22 Apr 2012, 4:27 pm

I think it depends on who you date. Assessing the needs of both people in the relationship, you'd soon find out how important work is or isn't. Personally, I find it helps big time, it also breaks up the time between you and your partner, which is good because then they no longer at any point become your "full time job" and vice versa, which can kill a lot of relationships :)



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22 Apr 2012, 4:29 pm

First you get the jobs. Then you get the khakis. Then you get the chicks.


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22 Apr 2012, 4:53 pm

XJ220RACER wrote:
Almost every girl on the planet will strongly prefer a guy with a job. Not just for gifts and fancy dinners, but it also shows them that as a man, you are competent enough to take care of yourself and keep up with life. Just like men are attracted to women who are physically beautiful, women are attracted to men who are good at taking care of things and successful, or at least make a decent living.

This situation kind of exists in my family. My cousin married a guy who is in the National Guard, but he's some kind of reserve or something so he doesn't get paid. At the time they met, their only source of income was her job at Pizza Hut, and she still lived at home. When they got serious, they moved into my uncle's basement and got married after only a couple months of knowing each other. About 2 years and 2 kids later, neither of them have a job and they're completely dependent on my uncle and still living in his house. Their life is an absolute mess and really, I feel bad for my uncle, who is burdened with not only the finances of it but also has this going on in his home. I haven't seen them in years but to my knowledge, the "spark" is completely gone and now they're just stuck in an unhappy, unfulfilling, stressful, pitiful life. Basically, my point is is that even if you do find a girl willing to go for you even though you don't support yourself, it's going to be a mess that you desperately wish you would've never gotten into. That story is what happens when you put a girlfriend before taking care of yourself first.

If you're not in school, a job needs to come before a girlfriend. Even non-materialistic people have jobs.


I don't think you should try to generalize every girl on the planet.....I'm not sure I am the best example of a girl, but even so I don't want a bunch of gifts and fancy dinners. I'd want someone to spend time with doing things we both enjoy....not to mention I don't see success in this society as very attractive as I have a lot of issues with this society, so chances are the sort of guys I'd be intrested in probably aren't in a sucessful career unless it's playing rock/metal music for instance otherwise but yeah money is nothing to me other then that nasty thing you need to have in your possession to buy the things you need/want. I would be with someone because I like being with them not because I want someone who will provide for me...Id prefer working together to survive instead of being taken care of.


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23 Apr 2012, 2:08 am

It's important to be self-sufficient, everyone should strive to do that and wanting your partner to be the same isn't asking for a lot in that sense. However unemployment shouldn't be a dealbreaker if they don't have a job, if someone has that rule then I think it says more about them than the person who is actually unemployed.

It's too easy to assume someone of who doesn't work is lazy and can't look after themselves, there could be many different reasons for someone not having a job (higher education, redundancy, health issues etc)


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23 Apr 2012, 2:24 am

It doesn't really matter how much you earn, it matters how much passion and ambition you have in what you do. Don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve something simply because of money.