Getting older sucks

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I've been feeling a cloud of doom hanging over me for a few months. So I'm turning 40 next month, that it self isn't a big problem. The trouble is this age means so much responsibilities. I don't know how everyone else get through it.

My parents are as annoying as ever, except they're getting old and sick and (in my dad's case) dying so I have to be very nice to them, not to mention worried. My grandma who lives with us is getting very very old (93) and needs a lot of care now. It's very difficult to communicate with her and I happen to have very little patience. It's not like patience and communication is my forte, being an aspie. And I dread about at least one of them dying. My brother is still suffering from depression and unemployed. I feel obligated to check on him regularly. My autistic kids alone keep me busy enough. On top of all those my own health hasn't been great either, and we haven't figured out how to fix my problems yet.

15 years ago I was a happy perky person. Rather oblivious about the world and people and very content. I would still like to be happy, but it's getting harder and harder. I don't know how others manage more and more responsibilities as they age. Sometimes I have the crazy urge to go get a job and get away from my family. I don't want to take care of people, I want a job I like, but that's not possible. At least not for a couple years. I'm both very busy and very bored.

Of course I'm sure by the time I'm 93 I'd feel getting old sucks even more. I should really relax and try to enjoy everyday. It's just so hard to stay positive when all sorts of things wear you down slowly.

I hear you! It's true the sheer number of responsibilities pile up until they crowd out all the enjoyment in your life. A therapist told me a long time ago, I need to do more enjoyable things when I'm under the cloud of doom. Schedule activities that are purely for your enjoyment on a regular schedule. But when you have all this caring for others and responsibilities, it's easier said than done. And the multitasking stretched my cognitive resources so much that I struggled to even think of enjoyable activities to do. You have to be careful that caring for others doesn't become so much of a routine that you forget to care about yourself.

Dont feel bad i am trying to avoid thinking about turning 60 in October. My depressions are worse, other issues continue but i want to stuff being stuck with still unresolved Aspie issues down public throats to realize that as testing gets better they are going to find that we may be 18% of population or more in either sexes that are in the spectrum in some or multiple ways. Being me sadly i am alone and have been for years now.