Be a jerk, she'll fall in love with you

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So what you are saying to overcome the loneliness of being an aspie, be more like an aspie and go back to old hobbies.

Loneliness as evolved more in aspies simply because we don’t care about the social seen and we would otherwise be happy to stay at home doing hobbies.

And fall out of love with you and be off like a lit rocket.

Nope, not old hobbies if they're boring.

My obsession isn't important to me to kill time, it used to be that way, after I discovered in music I can find infinite possibilities, and its also a method of expressing that I can't do any other way. I found LOVE in my obsession.

Its not just a hobby, a hobby for me would be reading fantasy novels.

Creating something is a different matter all together, especially with intent to share.

But I guess if finding a partner is more important than that to most, so be it..

I'm personally sick of hearing everywhere I go about marriage, and couples, and desperation...

There are so many possibilities, why ruin them to wait for something? A woman is going to be much more interested if you're passionate about something you do anyway.

I guess that because you don't feel very lonely to start with. It hearts like hell and there is no commonsense approach to being content by oneself. I am trying meditation, it is my only answer. I know so much more interesting thing in this world to do., but this loneliness blocks me from enjoying them it is like a tax on happiness, it is like taxing me to death

My assuptions are that you have easier time dating ,by the way you are talking. If you do have an easier time with woman it is much easier to convince yourself that you don't need anyone.

I think the best I've found I can do is keep myself busy and keep myself around friends. As for me being by myself, my own company can either be fine when things are going well or the absolute worst thing for me if some things have happened to me recently and I'm stuck in a funk (that's usually when all those wonderful existential realities of AS also start smacking me around). You just have to know what suits you when and what to do when you get into that kind of self-flogging or self-loathing states if you find yourself in em at all. Particularly I have to make sure I end up in as few of those as possible because I worry about the anger problems and emotional strain souring me because a lot of the damage those emotions can do is permanent or at least the dating scene has a great way of sealing your file if you were already not seen as the greatest choice and then all those issues start surfacing in addition to the rest.

If I was in a relationship or not lonely, I would love my own companyI wouldn't like the thought of having drag someone with me when I go out and spending more money and time on someone that I don't have to. I can tell you of all of the little inconvienances of having a ralationship. I keep on feeling I wish that I never needed anyone; they put a man on the moon but cannot invent a medicine that can get rid if this void.

The downside is even if they can it'll be an overall brain chemical being raised or lowered - unless you have an abnormal amount of that chemical causing more than its usual problems you'll be worse off from all the side effects. I think the only thing you can do is cognitively probe for a way out. For me my own OCD and depression have had me from the time I wake up even being extremely self-critical, self-aware, self-conscious, and constantly thinking about my place and situation in relationship to where my life seems to be going and what I do or don't deserve based on my genetics. That in and of itself isn't healthy and fortunately its just on and off, isn't all the time and almost happens more in cycles, but when it does I realize just how destructive it is and that its not helping me at all. The couple times I popped ecstacy I learned a valuable lesson: its possible to feel like you don't need anything, feel secure with what you have, and feel at peace in a way that's not fully contingent upon your own reality or what exactly you've done to get there. However, to do it without the aid of a foreign substance you have to be extremely crafty, really challenge your past and present persepectives, and do all it takes to try to shatter the mold of your own emotions by constantly challenging the way you've perceived various things in the passed.

Sometimes its so hard that it really feels like your hitting a genetic glass ceiling which won't let you progress further. In my case, even though that seems like the most plausible answer, I really have to wonder if NT's don't have to struggle equally as hard to get where they're at sometimes but just somehow know those parts of themselves that much better and consequently are able to work out an action plan that much quicker or at that much of an earlier age than we can. I just know that its a game where the more your at peace with yourself, feel like you have everything you want, and feel confident, you already have something most people don't and all of a sudden you'll start attracting the things you've wanted without much effort at all. However when you in need the world just takes more and more away. I think I'm realizing that I need to go back to trying on that perspective of going toward inner peace and throwing away the struggle - I'd almost guarantee also that my OCD over intrusive thoughts just comes from the fact that I probably overuse my serotonin (technically a control and articulation chemical) for just trying to kick and thrash out against all the things I can't stand about myself that I wish I could change. Crazy how so many people say that when you go the opposit way all of a sudden it works, the human nervous system is such a weird and ass-backward thing.

According to Carl Jung http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_jung

women have an 'archetypal' collective thought of what they consider all men to be like...

If this is currently still caveman with club....then nice guys prolly aren't being appreciated as much as they would hope to be....

i think tho aspie girls (generalising here i know..just a theory) tend to have a more male brain becos they may have actually incorporated some of the 'animus' into the conscious mind... so they might have a better disposition towards nice guys...

def'n animus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anima_%28J ... 2animus.22

in the same way i think a lot of aspie guys have done a similar thing with their 'anima'

Yeah, I think again that's just the genome itself inflicting its will and trying to brass-knuckle the human race into submission - ie. the only type of guy there is = the only type of guy who's ok in their books, which amounts to the guy who was the absolute best choice when we were in caves, hunting for food, and they need a guy who could kill tigers, lions, or opposing clan members that might try to abduct their wives or their children.

I'm lonely, but at the same time I love being alone.

I'm enjoying this paradox at the moment.

For me the paradox of needing, love, can wait a while.

I know this is tad inaccurate and simplistic

But aspies ware programmed to be independent and loners, with time by themselves to develop there hobbies that will one day be the next big thing in technology.

Problem is that if they only cared about that, they would never find a wife and have children and the aspie race would die out ,so most aspies are programmed to do both.

There are women out there who appreciate the nice guys...I'm one of them. I've been trampled over so much that most guys flat out scare me, an that's no exaggeration. I struggled with Androphobia (Fear of men) throughout most of my teen years.

I've been raped, stalked, abused and used. I had a guy that manipulated me into believing he was my first real love...earned my trust...and then I found out he was just using me (And several others) from the start.

The guy I'm with now is a total sweetheart, and even accepts my big issues with trust...(And if he turns out to be an ass, Asexuality doesn't seem like all that undesirable of an option ) Oh yeah, he's an aspie too

Excuse me, it sounds like these later girls left you too.

When you try to hide behind niceness, the girl leave, you feel like , well bad.
When you try to hide behind rudeness, the relationship eventually end too, but you feel like you are in control. A misplaced confidence.

When yound and can afford it, we gals sometimes can be "curious" about guys. It is like when you are finally old enough to see freak shows, you explore a bit.

Plus, we know we can break up with a gerk at any time.
But with a nice guy, sometimes we don't want to be "the girl that lead guys on".


--- Hope it helps.

I know that feeling and it works both ways, when you respect someone you bug out that much more about potentially hurting their feelings if things weren't working out.