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MikaNeko
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01 May 2012, 2:51 am

I'm not really sure where this goes but I'm just kind of upset right now. Someone in my family recently told me that she thought I was faking certain symptoms of Aspergers. I've been thinking about what she said and the only thing I can think of is when I was a bit younger I used to try really hard to be "normal" I would copy things people said and did nearly all the time and it was successful to a point but very draining to the point where I would shutdown for hours at a time in my room after a day. Now I try to be more relaxed because I couldn't go on trying so hard to be normal everyday.

To get to my point it seems when I actually was faking being "normal" no one accused me of faking anything, now when I actually try to just be me I get called a faker :(
Does anybody else get this issue with people saying your faking it?


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Bloodheart
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01 May 2012, 3:12 am

I think it's a common 's**t people say to autistic's' thing to imply or outright say we're faking it, it's the problem of having an invisible disability. I've not had this yet, but I am constantly paranoid about people believing I'm faking it - such as my boyfriend thinking I'm faking my problems with a phone to avoid working, or my best friend (who hasn't acknowledged my coming out as AS, probably won't) who will not accept it and probably claim I'm just putting it on or it's something I need to 'get over' as he's only ever known me to be social.


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zbludfiend
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02 May 2012, 1:09 am

I get something similar, I get you're not an Aspie I work with kids with Asperger's (she works in a group home with troubled boys). You just need to grow up and learn how to interact with people. The same person says things like I deal with people like you at work all the time. Or it's a shame how smart you are but you just can't be sociable. So, she's not necessarily telling me I'm faking, she's more or less telling me I'm full of S*** for thinking that something could be wrong, even though I've always known something was wrong. I used to think I was a sociopath, but I do feel things just don't understand them. I can't afford to go to a therapist and get an official diagnosis, but even if I did I doubt that this particular person would be willing to accept I'm me and that's all I can be.



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02 May 2012, 11:37 am

I hear it sometimes, but unsurprisingly it's from people that aren't qualified to make any diagnoses.. :?
Maybe just ask them if they're faking :lol: or something. I don't know.


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02 May 2012, 11:47 am

I have had it from another aspie simply for not being as impaired by my AS as they are, and they accused me of being some deceptive NT looking to take advantage of AS people. Frankly, insulting is an understatement.

The thing is to remember you have it, know you have it, find ways to overcome parts of it, and ignore what anyone else "thinks" about your supposed lack of it. What NT's (and surprisingly some AS's have to be schooled on this one, too) have to remember is the Autism spectrum is very broad, you will have very high functioning and low functioning AS people. Some will also be very good at hiding it, while others won't be. There isn't just "one way" of being AS. It's not like a physical condition which can be assessed as easily e.g. whether your arms / legs work / don't work, it's a lot more complicated than that.



Heidi80
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02 May 2012, 11:53 am

I've heard this countless times, especially regarding my sensory issues



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02 May 2012, 11:55 am

JanuaryMan wrote:
I have had it from another aspie simply for not being as impaired by my AS as they are, and they accused me of being some deceptive NT looking to take advantage of AS people. Frankly, insulting is an understatement.


I would hope that people with AS would understand it's a spectrum disorder, therefore, it's possible to be not (that) impaired by AS.

I've been accused of faking it. Someone said I can't possibly have ASD of some sort. Predictably, they have no experience of it (they think their daughter is the only disabled person and we're all faking it :roll: ) at all.

I've had this with other disabilities. My disabilities vary. I have some days where I can do whatever I want within reason, and other days I struggle to read. I've been called a liar and have been told that because someone else with the same diagnosis doesn't have this issue, I can't possibly have it. I have a load of other stuff alongside.



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02 May 2012, 12:45 pm

One reason, disclosure on my part, will be on a Need-to-Know basis only. At the moment, only my closest friends know this part of me. Still debating on employer, but waiting for a more "official" dx can be given.

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02 May 2012, 1:00 pm

My parents have spent my entire life denying ever AS struggle I had, mostly as bad behavior. Now that I've put it all together, they still feel the same way. My step father's work buddy with a diagnosis is convincing him that I might have aspergers...

Also, I'm quite certain that my inability to come off as NT genuine in stressful or new social situations is directly related to my current unemployment. I have been to several interviews where I felt like I did very well, only to never hear back, then come in a two weeks later to find a new employee who still can't run the register, but who looks and speaks like the interviewer. This ton's painful levels of cronyism don't help.



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02 May 2012, 1:00 pm

I have only gotten the accusation online. Real life I am not so sure. No one has ever told me to my face I was faking it or even implied it. I am sure they thought it so that would explain the ignorance I got in school. But people think in black and white when it comes to conditions, they think if you can do it, you can do it every time and it can't and go or else they think you are being lazy or making excuses or using it as an excuse. I don't know if that would count as me being accused of faking it.



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02 May 2012, 1:07 pm

Heidi80 wrote:
I've heard this countless times, especially regarding my sensory issues


Yeah I can relate to that one...the responses to this when I was a kid included. 'stop whining, stop complaining, you're just making a big deal out of nothing.' ect when it was really 'uhh no it really is too loud, too bright ect, just not to you.' And even though my mom knows about my suspected AS(now that i am an adult, sorry mom it does not undo the probably not so great raising techniques you probably used even if you were not intending to do any damage) and tries to be kind of understanding she still sometimes gets that look on her face if I bring up a specific impairment I might have due to the AS or even my other disorders that implies she must think I should be able to just get over it that she thinks I am exageratting somehow, or isn't quite taking me seriously then again I am not sure I never have asked exactly what that look indicates.



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02 May 2012, 1:17 pm

My parents aren't very tolerant of my sensory sensitivities for some reason, even though they've read loads of books about Asperger's and
seem to be accepting of most of my other quirks.
Today, my Dad was obviously embarrassed that I was wearing sunglasses (not sure why, because "normal" people wear sunglasses too ...) and kept asking me to take them off. "It's a nice day. They're making you see everything dark." Well, yes. That is the point. :P



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02 May 2012, 1:29 pm

Nowadays I keep my diagnosis secret. However, in the past I've had many people accuse me of faking it, or saying that I just "need to grow up" or whatever. Like others have said, a large number of the people saying I was faking it had to do with sensory issues.



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02 May 2012, 2:33 pm

I remember my ex expected me to get used to sweaty sticky skin and it's part of life and everyone gets used to it. Mom told me lot of people don't like that feeling either so I thought I was just being a wuss and I had to suck it up. Now I realize it may be a sensory issue thing I have.

I can remember getting hit in the eye by my brother and it hurt and mom told me "Oh stop, it does not hurt, it's not red." She got mad at me again when I was still crying about it and had my hand on my eye. Back then I just thought she was being a mean mother and didn't care about me. I was eight.

I remember getting hit with a nurf ball in PE on my bare skin and it hurt and my PE teacher didn't believe me. I just thought I was being a baby then.

I have memories of my mother getting mad at me like when she brush my hair or give me showers and I would wriggle and squirm and she get mad at me and then slap me and say I was being a baby.

I don't think my parents or many people were aware of my sensory issues because I hid them and thought I just had to suck it up because everyone told me it didn't hurt or that you feel nothing. My mother had to find out from a therapist that my issue I had was tight clothing and I didn't like anything tight. Mom was shocked because I never told her all those years and to me I didn't know either. I just thought it was all normal. But yet my school recognized I had them somehow and diagnosed me with sensory processing disorder.


When I look bad at some of the times I remember when mom get mad at me, I think it was all due to sensory issues and mom didn't understand then. But she figured it out eventually and I was maybe ten by then or eleven. But back then I had no awareness of it and thought it was all normal.



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02 May 2012, 3:15 pm

I've had my sister accuse me of faking as well. Ironically it was for relaxing around her and deciding to laugh; she immediately snapped that it was fake laughter. Since then, she and I butted heads several times before she finally realised that I was settling into a mindset I felt more comfortable with. If I was happy within myself, who would she be to deny me of that?

As for telling people you have autism, you wouldn't tell someone "I'm a smart guy, with a great sense of humour, an interest in romance and a passion for cooking." Why, because you are immediately shaping your relationship around those expectations. "Smart guy" - you must be good with computers. "Great sense of humour" - you will keep others entertained for hours. "Cooking" - you're happy to make a lovely meal for others. Do you see how sharing traits of yourself allows others to form expectations around what you can do for them?

Your autistic traits are as much a part of you as any other trait, whether it be positive or negative. The people who love you will get to know you, discover those traits for themselves, and learn to embrace them. For everyone else... hey, it's their loss. :)



MiatheMutant
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02 May 2012, 3:37 pm

I've gotten accused of faking it a lot, too. I've only known about AS for a little over a month and settled with a self-diagnosis about three weeks ago because I can't afford to be professionally tested. Like most of the stories go, I just found this place and suddenly everything made sense. Of course I'd done some research beforehand, too, but WP just confirmed my suspicions. I've only told about seven people, and out of those, five originally told me I was just over-reacting. Since then, three more have accepted it but the remaining two are still pointing fingers and calling me a liar. They both rely on the "but you make eye contact sometimes!" argument even though I spend more than 75% of a conversation either watching whatever I'm fiddling with or looking around the room.

Maybe it's just me being a total Aspie about the whole thing, but I would think that if someone you've known for a while or who is part of family declares that they believe they have a disability, you should probably go do a little bit of research on it so you can understand and support them better. At least then you would have some legitimate arguments you can make when you decide to call them a liar. :?


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