Staying single: a decision made by one for two?

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HisDivineMajesty
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03 May 2012, 12:40 pm

What I think is more of a problem in the dating market is the availability of suitable partners. Here's something. Where I live, there are 102 men for every 100 women in the age category 15-64. That's a very reasonable ratio - some countries have twice that - but it has an impact nonetheless. Assuming for a moment that the percentage of homosexuals in both sexes is approximately equal, and everyone is in that 'market' that would mean there are always two men who are unable to be in a relationship, if you don't count affairs. In other words, it seems to be women's choice here and in most other countries in the world.

And then, even though people generally deny that, it comes down to a battle for women. It's like musical chairs - all fun until people start shoving each other to get to a chair.
For men, to withdraw from the dating market in a lot of countries would be to level the game a bit. For women to withdraw would be for the game to become more intense.

Then again, I'm pretty notorious for over-analysis of all kinds of stuff.



mv
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03 May 2012, 12:43 pm

I think it comes down to perception. I know WAY more single women, chronically-single women, than I do single men (chronic or otherwise). It could be that my local market is skewed differently or that there is just a general mismatch that has nothing to do with straight numbers.



techstepgenr8tion
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03 May 2012, 12:54 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
What I think is more of a problem in the dating market is the availability of suitable partners.

There's splits in that as well. 'Suitable partner' seems to be a personalized set of metrics, and then when you have people who are by most people's definition 'unsutable partners' (where - I hate to say it - I have a hard time not seeing myself), is there an equally unsuitable but fit-for-them partner who, while the world might hope they don't have kids, that they at least have someone to troop the rest of life out with?

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
And then, even though people generally deny that, it comes down to a battle for women. It's like musical chairs - all fun until people start shoving each other to get to a chair.

Wel.... it *looks* like they have high-hand on the pendulum because they're typically more often talking about having multiple bachelors or masters, great careers, and no match while the world is filled with grown boys. At the same time it all seems pretty interconnected in that they can hold moral high ground for as long as they want, stay single, and keep hearing that "tick....tick.....tick..." echoing in their head like an interlude on the show 24. Some of these guys just don't care, others just have nowhere else to go and the chase to 'adulthood' again, IMHO, seems a bit too etherial, almost bordering on vacuous with no real set definition and many attempted definitions that so called man-boys would still fill, still be 'adults', just that many women would never admit as such by appearance.

It seems like its a day and age where we have to figure out what's really going on and take the moralization and judgment out of it - or just go solo and accept it as consequence of making the decision not to split hairs and get to the bottom of the problem.

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
For men, to withdraw from the dating market in a lot of countries would be to level the game a bit. For women to withdraw would be for the game to become more intense.

That's probably the case. You also seem to have the scenario between Canada and the US (or at least Ontario vs. Eastern/Midwest US) where scripts are flipped - ie. the guys hold more control and it is a numbers game. Since I don't think Canadian guys are less libidinous than American guys I'm thinking numbers likely had a hand in cultural conditioning and perhaps Canadian women being a bit more forward. Seems like the whole 'locks and keys' analogy some people like to use though doesn't really set to one gender or the other - the lock just ends up being whoever's more in the rarity and that can even shift/rearrange through life.

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Then again, I'm pretty notorious for over-analysis of all kinds of stuff.

I sometimes get the feeling that I'm unrivaled. Not necessarily a good thing as its sure not helpful for the numbers and conformity game.


_________________
“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” - James Baldwin