Can Aspies have a laid-back personality?

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I was wondering if you are an Aspie with a laid-back personality, or if you have met any Aspies who are laid-back. If so, then it would be interesting to know, because I know I'm the complete opposite to being laid-back. I am grouchy, pessimistic, impatient, angry, jumpy, and loads more like that. I am never laid-back and relaxed and happy in myself. I find it hard to shrug my shoulders and say ''so what?'' or ''that's too bad'' or ''never mind'' or ''ah well, s**t happens'' or anything like that. Small things agitate me. Big things worry me. I am constantly anxious, waiting for something to come along and upset me, and I am constantly worrying about how I appear to other people and why I'm like how I am and so on. I always find something to complain about, and people agitate me, and certain noises like sneezing make me feel all upset and angry, and so on.

My cousin (who is NT) is the complete opposite to me. He hardly ever complains, only when other people are complaining and he joins in by saying something relavent, but otherwise he doesn't complain about everything. He is easy to take on holiday with, and just goes along with the flow. I often wish I were more like him, but I can't be. Situations in this life are too vast for me, and I can't help but worry and complain and do all the other things that people consider a nuisence. I know not everybody is laid-back, but I am the extreme that it's an issue that stands out and looks like it's a mental disorder, type of thing. I would like to know if there are any laid-back Aspies that exist around here. I don't think it's possible to come across across one, since we have sensory issues and other things that make us anxious like routine change, unless I'm wrong?

I'm pretty laid back, when I'm in my home space with loved ones, and off line. I'm also pretty tolerant of others' life styles and choices. I'm an INFP and that tends toward being laid back and letting others be themselves. I do have social anxiety though, so I'm not so laid back around strangers in social situations. If I have a specific purpose, such as work, for being with others I'm not as tense as when it's strictly social or focused on me.

Even in social situations I often seem more laid back to others than I really am.

I like peace, so I tend to go along and let others have their way unless they get too demanding of my time and attention. I don't tend to complain much unless something becomes unbearable or overwhelming.

I would say that I'm a study in extremes. My wife and I will occassionally get into fights and I'll just give in because the issue isn't really that important to me. She accuses me of internalizing things, but it's more a case of "I've exerted more effort on this than it's worth and I'm now done with it". She doesn't get how that switch in my head works, but she's come to accept it.

Similarly, a lot of crap that pisses other people off just washes over me. I tend to attribute a lot of others' actions to stupidity or ignorance rather than malice and that makes a lot of stuff easy to manage.

On the other extreme, if I feel that someone is deliberately screwing with me or another person, or it's willful malice (or REALLY extreme ignorance that must be corrected), I will get really jacked up, lose sleep and feel an obsessive (and often disproportionate) need to do something about it. Injustice REALLY upsets me and I'll often get self-destructive in response. I've quit jobs because of managers messing with customers or coworkers. I've walked away from lucrative contracts because of a**holes on the team. I've inserted myself into public squabbles where someone is getting abusive. None of these are particularly good survival traits

I'm an INTJ/INTP (depending on the day), but I'm with you completely on this. I'm very confident and open when I'm teaching or working with a client, but parties or social gatherings are a living nightmare for me. I can't make small talk or initiate conversation. But, if you ask me a question or give me a purpose for talking, I'm perfectly "normal". That's one of the reasons why I'm able to hide in plain sight at work. Unless you've tried to socialize with me, you'd never suspect that I'm an aspie.

I'm able to get around it and let my wife have parties at home by just busying myself in the kitchen. I do all of the cooking and it gives me a focus and purpose while she does all of the schmoozing. There's no expectation that I'm going to initiate conversation when I'm "working" in the kitchen. If someone approaches me, they have to initiate and it's not so odd when I have trouble keeping the conversation going ("Oh, you'll have to excuse me, I just have to get this pot on the stove"). If it gets overwhelming, I just wander off for a few minutes to a quiet room to decompress.

Same here. My fight or flight reaction is often weak in situations of actual danger (which is bizarre, considering how powerful it can be in social situations).

As far as the OP goes, with a few important exceptions, I'm generally regarded as very laid-back. Exceptions being I can get quite nervous/awkward in some situations, and, I can become very opinionated and become a rather merciless critic at a moment's notice. But that doesn't happen often.

I think I am laid back because I don't let things get to me too much and i ignore it and brush it off and be happy. I also like doing my own thing while others do their thing.

I also go along with where someone wants to go because I can't make up my mind or just because I have the "I don't care" attitude and I am flexible that way than rigid.

In short, yes

At times. That is, when I'm not overly stimulated.

As far as personality types, I'm an ISTP/J. Many people would describe me as laidback, like my friends would. I do get bothered by some things others don't, and not bothered by things others would be, that's sorta my thing. I'm laidback when others aren't, and then anxious/tense/whatever when others aren't. Part of it is alexithymia, which I apparently have a good deal of. So I'm normally just not overly emotional about anything ever, some people interpret it as laidback, I guess.

Yep, I've had similar situations like that happen.

I usually come across as laidback, but it's probably because I'm either not interested in whatever's going on or I've been off in my own little world for a while and have no clue what's happening. Like other posters have said, I get nervous and upset when everyone else is calm but I keep my head when the rest of the group is having a panic attack. It's annoying sometimes, but it does have its uses.

Ya, me too. as long as I am someplace familiar doing what I like then I am cool. It's when I am put into new situations that I start to panic.

Yes and no. I wouldn't generally describe myself as "laid back", because I think little things do matter yet I've come to realise, over time, that they often don't matter enough to do anything about them. Call it a "meta-optimisation", if you will: I like everything to be optimal, but some things are not worth the effort to optimise.

I used to be like this.



Now I'm more like this. I'd say that irrational behaviour also get me riled up, even if the impact is relatively small. The classic male-female argument over keeping the toilet seat up or down comes to mind. (Thankfully that's purely hypothetical for me!)

I'm pretty laid back, sometimes I seem down right zen. I get stressed out and sometimes incredibly angry but I don't think the stress is visible, I've been told by a lot of people I don't get stressed.

It could be my upbringing but in person (I'm awful on the phone) I know I can handle the worse because I have. I've done the Dragons den thing in front of 15 crank, angry buisness people and someone appoligiesed afterwords for the unfair attack that was directed at me. I didn't notice, I took worse everyday before I went to college.

One thing I find interesting is that people I've met who seem the most laid-back, also tend to be the most detail-oriented. They are the ones who make lists and plan everything they do in advance. There might be some aspies who fit that description...

I think this demeanor is usually just a result of having anticipated every potential outcome in a situation beforehand. It's easier to just shrug your shoulders when you're not surprised by anything.

Last edited by scubasteve on 06 May 2012, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

I am the same way. We had a gentleman drive his car into the side of our building once when I worked in fast food, and my boss didn't believe me when I very calmly told him what had just happened over the headset. The car tore through half the wall and ended up on top of a table, about 10 feet directly in front of me.

I am a type B personality and am very laid back and relaxed unless I'm in a situation where I'm feeling anxious. Though I do have problems if my routine is disturbed, like many on here will attest to.

Last edited by raylit20 on 06 May 2012, 12:11 am, edited 1 time in total.