Obsession vs. Addiction

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I feel like my special interests are addictions for me, because I pursue them in part for the feeling that I get from pursuing them. I love my special interests and the feeling of thinking about my special interests, and I think about them constantly and feel bad if I have to spend a lot of time away from them.

No, what im saying is that you're just as bad when you don't get your own way. If a husband is wrong to kick off because he's being told when he can and when he can't do the thing he enjoys, how do you have any right to kick off because he won't do what you tell him?

Bottom line, you don't ban other people from doing what they enjoy because you yourself don't understand it. Yes, discuss things and compromise, but , don't you see how wrong that is? I'd be kicking off and getting annoyed myself if anyone did that to me. I simply wouldn't accept it, in all honesty you'd be going before my interests went.

Those women that talk about doing things like that to people, have they no shame? They should be embarrassed at their own behaviour, not coming online to complain when it's them being the intolerant ones. What right does anyone have to say how another person spends their free time?


I've maybe got a little sympathy for the op of this thread, but banning simply doesn't work and it isn't even right.

I certainly wasn't looking for sympathy, just advice. Being a parent in this day and age is VERY difficult. Most parents live in fear that what we do would be construed as child abuse--spanking, for instance--and that our children will be taken from us. We have to worry about the sexual exploitation of our children, not only by adults but now by other children. We have to battle bullying not only at school, but also online in our own home. We don't just worry about marijuana and booze anymore, but a whole myriad of hallucinogens and depressants--coke, heroin, prescription pills, salvia--and a generation of kids who think drugs are "no big deal." We give them texting privileges and then balk when we see a bill with nearly 10,000 texts per month. We have to provide a balance between keeping them safe and allowing them to be children. And now, for me, handling all of this with an adolescent who has a previously-undiagnosed neurological condition, emotional issues, and half a family who doesn't believe in the diagnosis (my ex-husband's). It was much easier to think of him as a defiant, stubborn, lazy teenager addicted to video games.

I've been thinking about how to modify our lifestyle to include my son's specific interests so that he can enjoy them in a more productive way. He's currently in residential therapy and likely won't come home for another year, which in and of itself is stressful--he has no access to any of his special interests. I'm trying to alleviate that stress by providing him with magazines and such...

Well something i would like to say. You mentioned before that if you didn't let him play games he'd get past whatever you were using to stop him , he'd play at friends and he'd go to the mall and play games there. Then you say he's using up to 10,000 texts per month.

To me, he doesn't sound like he's doing too badly! He's extremely clever from the sound of it, he's making friends, he's experiencing life. You're trying to work things out for him, you have him in therapy, is there much more you can do?

Probably my best advice would be to limit his game use but not be too strict, give him times he can look forward to. Think damage limitation. You can't change some things about him but you can help him to try and work at the negative parts. At least with his computer game interest you have something you can reward him with. Use the negative parts against him to make him better. He's obsessed with computer games? Make him earn the time he gets to spend.

Ah, he doesn't sound so bad though. If he's intelligent and independant, what more can you hope to give him? Are you sure you're not worrying too much? ( although right there that's not such a bad thing, don't change . Just recognise it . )

Thanks Timeconsumer...

My son is a very complicated, misunderstood young man. When we took the video games away, he moved on to the texting. When we took the texting away, he moved on to the iPad. When we took the iPad away, that's when he lost it. Again, in my ignorance, I had no idea the damage we were causing by completely removing his obsessions. The hardest part is that he is very intelligent--he could find a way to break into our electronics to fuel his obsession. We did try to provide limits, but he broke them every chance he got. I like to think that we (Stepdad and I) are pretty consistent parents with reasonable expectations, but being a parent to our oldest son is especially difficult. Add into the situation a bio-Dad whose lifelong ambition is to punish me by manipulating his son and we've got a perfect storm of issues.

I think that his strongest ASD traits are his lack of empathy, coping skills, and communication. It's interesting to think whether the electronics obsession is a result of his PDD-NOS or his bio-Dad's addictive personality or, most likely, both.

On a positive note, we're looking into a charter school that focuses on technology and a business-model approach to education...

]They said how they don't ever help out with the kids and the house and why should the woman do all the work? Their husbands were too addicted to their games and the game was more important than their family so the woman thinks trying to flip the circuit switch or hiding the computer cord or the keyboard is going to make them be better husbands and dads.



Shucks I mess up with the quotes again. Can't be bothered to try and fix it.

I think what special interests have in common with addiction is when there is a lack of self control issue. In other words if I know there is something else I need/want to do, but can't because I am doing this other thing I am obsessed with it is a type of compulsion, as is drinking or gambling.. It does not make it the same as an addiction but it can be a compulsion, nonetheless. With spectrum people, it often also includes needing a satisfactory stopping point, which may not correspond to what would be a satisfactory point for an NT. Some book chapters end on a cliff hanger that does not resolve until the next chapter. Of course that plot point/sub plot point may resolve in the middle of the next chapter. That is unsatisfactory to me as well. So I need to find an end of chapter with only a few loose ends that don't really bother me, too much. This is not so easy.

People don't understand that, but even so, seem more OK with it than video games. I think because book reading is considered educational, and video games are seen as horrid time sucks. I like video games, too and can get very immersed in them, as well. Some I play because it taps into my imagination in a desirable way, others are just brain calmers. Either way, to me they have purpose. I do have to be careful they do not take up time I need for other things, but they do serve a purpose.

Aspie kids have it worse sometimes because often parents would prefer they do something social (even if their family and school obligations have been met) and blame the video games for their kids lack of social activities. Aspie kids often don't need or want any extra social obligations anyway, or don't have people they want to hang with who want to hang with them. They also often need the downtime on the computer to calm their brains.

Sometimes parents have to understand that just because they think socializing is healthier/better or another school activity would be better, this is not what necessarily suits the kid. I never had this problem, because luckily my family was not at all social and couldn't have cared less about me adding extra social obligations. I hear about this a lot though.

Why we worry as parents, is not becasue he has an interest that makes him happy. I could care less. If he did all his responsibilities and sat with the video game for the res of the day I would be the happiest mom in the world! I worry casue it interferes with his daily functioning of things that MUST get done, and it casues HUGE meltdowns if it doesnt go his way, or he cant play for a reason, becasue he ahs no other interests.

I believe my son is obsessed/addicted to video games. I KNOW he would not accomplish one thing if I allwed him to sit all day aand play. I dont ban them becasue I KNOW he loves them so much.

What I would LOVE is for him to have a balance. I would love for him to not meltdown when he loses, he kicks and screams when he loses, and will go into full meltdown mode if at someones house and even see's the Wii, but cannot play it for wahtever reason. And sometimes we go for a specific reason and no video gaming will be happening, and he knows, and we tell him before hand...but he melts when he sees it.

What I would love is for him to not beg, whine and moan when he cannot play. FOr instance, school work time, meal time, company over, etc...

What I would love is for him to TURN IT OFF when asked. I know, you dont want to lose where you are at. So, complete the goal, save and turn it off. he ONLY plays mario and sonic, those games he can do that to. But it is NEVER enough for him. He NEVER just shuts it when I ask him to, I give warnings so he knows it will have to go off in 10 mins, 5 mins, etc...

What I would love is for him to not melt when the battery dies. and we are out, not around an outlet or dont have the charger, and he was plyaing for an hour anyhow.

What I would love is for him to nor reenact his video games all day long, have a balance. Have another interest, play a different game!

I would love for him to not push, pinch or kck his sister when she comes over and talks to him while he is playing. Or when she jsut walks by him when he is playing.

BUT, I dont ban it, becasue I know he loves it. If he had some self control it would help. He is only 6, there are limits, there are free times he can play more, but I feel he is addicted becaseu of his behavior when he cannot play. It interferes with his daily functioning and controls his mood and how our day will be. ANd there is NEVER enough...

If my son was obsessed with it, BUT got his school work done, ate, played with his siter for a few minutes, and then played his video game for a few HOURS with no behaviors associated with it...there woudl be no issues!

Obsessions have always been my strongest autistic trait. They probably are no diffrent than "addictions" but I don't think there are any rehab programs for meerkats, Lion King and Sonic the Hedgehog, or veterniary medicine ....and even if there were I wouldn't go to them. I love my obsessions, they are part of who I am. Trying to "take away" my obsessions, limiting the time I had doing things related to them or using them to reward "desired" behavior only made me more obsessive and even sucidal. I never was into the playing aspect of video games, but more of the "making" aspect of them. I used to make my own with Microsoft Powerpoint all the time. I may be a Sonic the Hedgehog fan but I got into it via the cartoons and fanart. Uploading Sonic fanart onto DeviantArt also helped me get more popularity and make some friends there. I find I don't like to talk about my obsessions with people face-to-face but this probably orriginates from childhood when I was CONSTANTALY being told to stop talking about meerkats or whatever and that I needed to "widen my horizons". I'm an adult now and as an adult one is entitled to much more freedom than they were as a child; but the aspect of that freedom I love the most is the freedom to finnaly be myself. Adults are allowed to be "addicted" to harmful substances if they want, so why shouldn't I be allowed to be "addicted" to meerkats? I will never understand why so many people think childhood is such a wonderful time in ones life.

Um, trust me, I definitely like me some video games.

Call it whatever you want, but doing something so much it interferes with your daily functioning ain't good.

Last edited by Wreck-Gar on 13 May 2012, 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is exactly what I was talking about.

Yeah I wonder how people calling in work sick just so they stay home to play their video games or not eating or going to sleep or even showering or neglecting their own children isn't an addiction?


I have read about these things and I have heard about some people dying from lack of sleep because they could not get off the computer to go to sleep. Kids have been taken away by social services because their parents found the game more important than their children.

I am sorry that the adults didnt allow or want you to have your special interests.

For us, I love to get into my sons special interests with him. We research them at the library, read books about them, make up stories, pictures, etc...when it was classical music we listened to nothing but classical, I asked him tons of Qs bout it, we read books on composers, he played it on his piano, took him to concerts, etc...when it was wiggles when he was younger I got him all wiggles toys, videos, books, games, etc...we listened to wiggles non stop, went to wiggles concerts (some of which we got front row seats that cost os 5x the price casue he loved it so much). When it was broadway shows, we watched them, went to shows, got the soundtracks, got him toys like a theatre, puppets, sent him to theatre programs for kids, etc...

Now that its video games, I cant find books but have gotten him piano music for mario games, tons of mario and sonic toys, I let him tell me all about his games, I ask him questions about it. before bed he likes me to make up mario and sonic stories, and I do. We get him mario and sonic clothing, new video games, you name it he has it!

I want to know and be involved and if its something he loves, then I love it too!

Again, what I DONT love is the behaviors surrounding the games, if and when he cannot play. It is unrealistic to think that you can do ANYTHING all day long exclusively, and it cannnot be good when it casues huge fits and meltdowns. As you can see from my explination, we indulge my sons interests to the best of our abilities. I want to be a part of his world and I want him to share his excitement and love with us. I just would love a balance and some cooperation, that isnt asking for too much!

When I was younger I used to make strategy guides for my favorite games and pass them out to my friends at school.

Yeah, that'll end well. As a functional aspie, with several obsessions/addictions/interests, I don't believe you even begin to understand the position of people with AS/autism. Our special interests are the things we absorb ourselves in when the rest of te world sucks too much.