Not desiring friends...only a life partner

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bumble
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14 May 2012, 8:37 am

Anyone else out there only desire a life partner but not friendships? Is that weird?



bobbythebluesman
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14 May 2012, 9:09 am

I was married for 15 years and had three children that are without a doubt my greatest accomplishment. Now I have been single for 15 years by choice in order to find myself and figure out who the heck I am.

I did some research into narcisism and determined that I was raised by a narcisistic father and married to a narcisistic woman. They truly do not recognize anything that does not relate to them. And they can take advantage of people like us who can be very serving by nature.

So I was 35 before I ever started thinking for myself and determining what I wanted. With narcisists, their needs are always more important than yours, and in fact yours do not exist to them.

Having been single for some time now and completely thrilled with the freedom and peace that it brings, I still recognize the need for an ear to listen and an opinion that I trust.

I have reconnected with a high school girlfriend online and she has become my female influence that I appreciate very much. She is married and we don't have an amourous relationship but she is still very important to me.

At 54 I am reliving my teen years. I begain studying guitar a few years ago and focus most of my spare time on music. We can be tenacious when we want to be and can clamp onto an idea and not let go. I am determined to show that you can teach an old dog new tricks and become a phenomonal Blues guitarist but it does cause some teenage angst from time to time and right now am dealing with getting myself out to open jam nights in order to continue the adventure into the performance stage. lol Its not easy finding someone who wants to jam with an adult beginner so most all of my play is in my living room jamming with my Pamdora mix.


Anyway, to stop rambling and get to the point. lol

I have very little interest in making friends but would very much like to find someone who can give me my space and share it with me at the same time. Who I can care about and do for but that won't take advantagte of me.

I don't think you are wierd at all. At least not in a bad way. (Being wierd can be cool sometimes.) My grandaughter has associated "silly" with "papa Bobby"....Fine with me.

Good luck, be strong, believe in your feelings and trust that they are deserving.

I try to anyway.



SilkySifaka
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14 May 2012, 9:27 am

I don't think it's weird at all, Bumble. I feel as if I only have the energy for one real emotional relationship (excluding my Mum and sister). My partner is my best friend and I don't really feel I need anyone else although I would like a pet too. I do have friends in my home town but I do not feel as close to them as other people seem to be with their friends. Since I moved to a new city a year ago I don't really have any friends, and that feels OK to me, I am quite happy just having one person.



NeueZiel
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14 May 2012, 10:01 am

This is how I completely feel except in my heart I've kind of accepted I'll probably never meet a life companion and I'm gradually trying to think and do what I truly want to do with my life. I received a great feeling of liberation from this but when the sexual impulses come I feel really bad and wish the meds I took did something about them. Some days its all I think about, like life is mocking me when I want to think productively for myself or be positive. I finally did take to heart the advice plenty of "oldies" gave me about "You'll never be happy until you're truly happy yourself.". For so long I obsessed and stressed over being perfect for someone else, only upsetting myself more as my own condition worsened and I could only think of ways to force myself to get right, doing more damage in the process. Now I just want to be kind of person -I- could love, but I'm not there yet and its a hard road.

I use to value friendship until, like I've mentioned many, many times in many posts I broke off my longest lasting friendship for a number of reasons. Now its nothing to me and my close family members are all I have left.



Joe90
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14 May 2012, 10:06 am

No it's not weird. I've even heard an NT suggest this before, that she rather live an easy, free life just with her life partner (who depend on eachother, financially and emotionally) and just have a few acquatences at work and that's it. She probably said that because she's lost her trust in friends over the years.


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bumble
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14 May 2012, 11:03 am

Joe90 wrote:
No it's not weird. I've even heard an NT suggest this before, that she rather live an easy, free life just with her life partner (who depend on eachother, financially and emotionally) and just have a few acquatences at work and that's it. She probably said that because she's lost her trust in friends over the years.


I never really wanted friends as far as I can remember, I only ever said I did and chased that kind of thing because it was expected of me socially. I have always been a little odd and have had social problems of one kind or another and I don't like to tell these things to therapists etc because I always worry about losing my independence.I It would kill me to end up in some hospital ward surrounded by people all the time because they think it is strange that I do not want friends, or because I talk to myself, or because I don't get chores done because I am too busy with my hobbies as I am only really interested in pursuing my fascinations, or because I have screaming fits when I am upset or uber stressed out, or because I get upset when my favourite routines are disrupted, or because I cannot hold down a job because I cannot cope with the social stuff. So I have tried to live up to societies expectations instead and I am exhausted.

I get nothing from friendships. I crave only a deep emotional connection, companionship and sexual passion with a lover.



bumble
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14 May 2012, 11:12 am

Just to add, the only exception is when I find someone to talk to about my fascinations. That is the only time I seem to require friendships.



marshall
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14 May 2012, 11:28 am

Someone to have a strong emotional connection with would be nice. The idea of just having superficial acquaintances all my life leaves me feeling so empty. Unfortunately I'm asexual and not interested in the traditional marriage or kids thing.

The problem with most friends I've had is they all moved somewhere far away from me and went their separate ways. The modern world just doesn't accommodate close or lifelong friendships.



Last edited by marshall on 14 May 2012, 12:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl
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14 May 2012, 11:49 am

I only wanted a husband and no friends. I have no desire for any and I prefer my own husband and our kids and our family over friends.



Blindspot149
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14 May 2012, 12:07 pm

NeueZiel wrote:
This is how I completely feel except in my heart I've kind of accepted I'll probably never meet a life companion and I'm gradually trying to think and do what I truly want to do with my life. I received a great feeling of liberation from this but when the sexual impulses come I feel really bad and wish the meds I took did something about them. Some days its all I think about, like life is mocking me when I want to think productively for myself or be positive. I finally did take to heart the advice plenty of "oldies" gave me about "You'll never be happy until you're truly happy yourself.". For so long I obsessed and stressed over being perfect for someone else, only upsetting myself more as my own condition worsened and I could only think of ways to force myself to get right, doing more damage in the process. Now I just want to be kind of person -I- could love, but I'm not there yet and its a hard road.

I use to value friendship until, like I've mentioned many, many times in many posts I broke off my longest lasting friendship for a number of reasons. Now its nothing to me and my close family members are all I have left.


I originally intended to just answer the thread question but as I was scrolling down page 1 I noticed your reply.

Until I met my wife, in my mid 20s, I didn't think I would ever get married either and for several reasons.
- I had been devastated by the end of a relationship with my University gf
- A few years of brief relationships/encounters with women after University, at home and during extensive travel convinced me that relationships (and women) were train wrecks waiting to happen
- My parents marriage was a combat zone - never any physical violence just constant screaming and shouting and a complete inability to communicate, compromise or to see the other person's perspective
- My complete failure to maintain friendships and difficulty in making friends in the first place seemed to suggest that relationships were not for me

I have been married for over 20 years now and we have children.

All I know about you is what I have read in your posts, which to me read like the work of a thoughtful, intelligent lady.

I would also add, by way of observation, that if your profile picture is actually a photo of you, you should prepare yourself to be fighting off the boys, if you aren't doing so already. :wink:

To answer the thread question, I am of the same mind as the thread Author.

I have my wife (and her rather large extended family) and my children and that is all I need.

If I continued to live out the rest of my life friendless, my family would be all the quality and quantity of Human contact that I would need.

That said, I am open to the possibility that I may actually make some friends.

In fact the other day I happened to meet someone I hadn't seen for maybe 5 years.
- We exchanged phone numbers and we'll be meeting up in then next few weeks
- Who knows....


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