Do you fear visitors too?

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I live with my gf and she is a very social person. Although she has gotten better about not asking everyone over...due to my meltdowns that result from them...we used to have company regularly. I still fear visitors! I don't want anyone over...ever.

Fear? No. Avoid? Yes. I don't have meltdowns, but having visitors over--especially people I don't know well--can be an awkward experience for me.

It depends on the visitor. Some visitors I look forward to their visit (very rare). Usually though, it's either strongly disliking them coming over, or anxiety. The anxiety is like an explosion when it is an unannounced visitor.

Mine is fear mixed with tons of anxiety...the fear is that they will stay too long, or never go home, or want to eat here. I know it is irrational, but I can't help it. They all feel like intruders!

I think about the same things, fearing they will stay too long, want to eat here, etc. One thing I think about is "How do I get them to leave when I want to have time alone?" if they're visiting me. The opposite happens when I visit people, I go "How do I get out of here when I want to leave?"

Not so much fear as annoyance...it used to be fear though, sometimes I would just hide and wait when people arrived unannounced.

Now I decide whether or not to answer the door, whether it's obvious I'm here or not.
And most people I know personally have been advised that I don't have visitors at my home anymore, but I'll meet them somewhere quiet if it's necessary to meet up. (Some people are perfectly welcome to come by though.)

Well some people think it's rude for someone to come round, without first phoning to check ahead of time, to make plans & you can set time & how long the meeting is going to be. Then End it at that point, for another time.

It's your life, your environment. They have to respect you & if in reason respect the things that make up who you are. If you like them to phone & ask permission before just feeling like they can come round. Really how they going to know you might of made other plans, etc.

Would the hiding be because you don't know who it is & you don't have a camera intercom? Or too busy been in the anxiety & fear stage or peaking, while trying to calm down. Maybe pick up courage to look or go to the door, if you know who it is.

Usually when someone knocks on the door/rings the bell, I'll either hide or hold completely still, trying not to make the tiniest noise. It's kept me held up on the floor for 15 minutes or so before. There's too much fear to peek out the window, even crawling up to it and slowly poking just one eye over the rim to see, even using my cell phone camera to take a picture of what is outside the 2nd floor window is too much.

Once, there was a state trooper knocking on the door (didn't know this at the time), and when they knocked, they knocked over and over and over, very very loudly. Turns out they were just wanting to serve my sister a subpoena (she witnessed a robbery at her work). It was terrifying though. With each set of hard knocks, I became less and less likely to answer the door.

I have gone through all of this down to the last detail about freezing and/or crawling to the door to see if someone is still there. I know it's not rational, but I just can't help my reaction to unsolicited visitors and/or knocks at the door. I have no explanation as to why it can make me feel terrified and can cause a meltdown. It sometimes makes me feel so helpless and I can't get a handle on it.

The only thing that has consistently made a difference to my anxiety & also depression is giving up gluten & casein from my diet.

I read that 36%of people on the autism spectrum have something colloquially named 'leaky gut' which in effect means that the intestinal wall is more permeable than it should be...so that the above named protein molecules end up in the bloodstream and cause havoc with the neurotransmitter systems.
Anyway, I was desperate so I tried it out, and it's been amazing, so am especially glad to have bothered to try.
It doesn't 'cure' Asperger's, but the serotonin & dopamine levels are all good now, so life is so much easier to bear.

And this is why, in terms of visitors, I am so much more resilient than I used to be, and also defiant about my right to have my own life preferences.

I wish the answer could be this simple for everyone, but I know we are all different in so many ways...but still, I recommend testing it out in case it works for anyone here.

(So just to be clear, gluten is in wheat, rye & barley, while casein is in dairy foods.)

Generally I hate it when other people come over to my house, especially if it's someone who I am distrustful of. There are exceptions though - I really like it when my brother brings our mutual friend over, and I like spending time with my eldest sister when she visits from abroad.

If people come to visit, I usually don't leave my room until they leave.

I never answer the door or the phone, and neither do my parents. When the phone rings, we ignore it, and when the doorbell rings, we look at each other and go, "Shhhhhhh..."

Wow, I wish I lived at your place! Lol.

You guys ever had someone talk to you, who you felt they knew what they were talking about. Like the knocking at the door, could be triggering a past event, etc.

Or had any help with dealing with the nervous feeling, like how to take a deep breath & hold, then release. Or channelling stuff into a stress ball etc?

Anyone took the drug "propranolol". Or is taking it.

Last edited by TechnoDog on 19 May 2012, 3:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Cannot answer phones. Visitors? Ah, life on a commune. Every month, another new batch of visitors. Visitor program. They arrive today hoping to see some hippies (female, young & naked most likely), there's me, old guy hand flapping nervously. Mainly why I am nocturnal. Everyone is asleep now. Except me. If there was a button to make visitors vanish, I would glue it down tight. Then again, that's how most people feel about me.