What do you do if a friend/family is crying in front of you?

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I know all about the things you're supposed to do when someone's upset. Like hug or pat them, say something comforting...etc. Somehow I just never managed to pull it off without feeling like a phony. I can talk to people who are sad or worried, but once they start crying all my reason and experience seem to vanish, and I just want them to stop. If I have the choice I'd walk away but I know that's bad manner. Usually I wait patiently until they can talk again. Hugs seem to encourage them to cry more and slobbering all over your clothes. What do you do about such a situation?

i just look down, it's all i can do

I hug them, and I just say whatever comes to mind. The sort of spontaneous thing that I say is often a bit odd, and the surprise can have the effect of cheering them up. For example, instead of saying a cliche like "It'll be alright", I will often say something like "Look, here's the worst thing that could happen. It wouldn't be so bad. You're strong, and you've fought through worse things."

I was taught that in such a situation, hugs and hand-holding will bring on tears, and that tears are a healing process. I don't mind if my shoulder gets wet. On the other hand I also hope to god that I catch their mood in time and don't start giggling from nervousness or the inertia that my empathy often has. It has been known. I'm not laughing at them, it's just nerves.

When I was a kid, I was often mocked when I cried. I got called "crocodile tears" and my mother was really sarcastic, saying stuff like, "oh you are so abused and put upon." There was hardly any comforting, ever, so yeah, it's hard to deal with situations like that. I am never sarcastic and downright mean like my mother, though. I usually just feel really awkward. I have tried to comfort by patting and stuff like that. Patting is the closest I will get since I am not sure someone wants a hug from me and I don't want to put them in a situation where they feel like they must hug me back. I have been surrounded by really cold people who do not hug or pat so I have learned not to hug and pat myself. It makes it really confusing and difficult to console someone who is upset.

I talk and test if they are ready to talk or want to be left alone. If they seem receptive I hug and try to say comforting words. I was bad at both empathy and comforting. I seemed to have finally learnt both of them.

usually I end up just staring at them or slowly continuing whatever I'm doing with the hope that they soon feel ashamed enough to stop.

I tried the hugging thing once, but the NT felt I was making fun at their situation... because I didn't show the emotions she was expecting.

Since then I've already remained extremely passive, then somebody in the room would handle it instead of me. If I'm alone in the room then I try to use word, but never physical contact.

But one thing is for sure, I always feel very ackward when somebody starts crying. Personally I think NTs cry even when there is absolutely nothing to cry about. I once saw a girl starting to cry because she had broken a nail. I remember I was thinking what the hell will she do when somebody she loves dies.

I find comforting usually just makes it worse, unless they really want to be comforted because they feel intimate with you. Best you can do is acknowledge their suffering, listen to their story move on.

I hug them and comfort them. That's what I'd like for them to do to me if I'm crying.

I'm usually the same as you. I know what you should do but I can't get myself to do it without feeling like a phony as well. I try my best to comfort them and listen to them.

I'd do nothing and ignore it and go away if possible. It's uncomfortable, I don't know what to do, and if it was me crying I'd want to be alone and not be bothered.

Sheldon Cooper offer them a hot beverage..

I feel concerned. Sometimes I cuddle them if they're close relatives, but if they're a relative who I'm not that close to and not quite sure how to act, I just stare sympathetically.

Not all NTs cuddle someone who is crying. My uncle is a perfect example of NT and is quite loud, and when his cousin was crying he just cheerfully said, ''ah, cheer up, love'', and started throwing jokey remarks to make her smile, which didn't work. Then he made her a cup of tea, and maybe sat and talked to her.

I kind of shut down. I don't like when people cry, but i just don't know how to comfort them. I told my grandma to quit crying once. I'll try to hug them but it feels uncomfortable.

I let them cry. I am not afraid of tears. Well, I am a little afraid of my own, but that is a guy thing.

I think just being there with the person and not freaking out or trying to cheer them up is the thing to do. Tears are usually therapeutic. I think endorphins are released when a person cries. It generally improves their mood eventually.