What is the best way to cope with regret?

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tjr1243
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10 Jun 2012, 12:16 am

Suppose that you get the one thing you need in life. Then you do something incredibly stupid or impulsive to lose it all. .......something that a little foresight could have prevented....... :oops: :evil:

You are angry at yourself for it happening.

Have any words of wisdom concerning mistakes or regret ever comforted you during this time - if so, would you mind sharing? :cry:



Declension
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10 Jun 2012, 1:18 am

The only things that keep me from getting mired in a chasm of regret are the following three thoughts:

(1.) "An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it." In other words, think of errors as unavoidable things which will always come up, and which are not worth regretting. The goal is not to avoid making errors (that's impossible). The goal is to efficiently recover from your errors and decrease the likelihood that they will happen again.

(2.) Externalise the part of your personality which causes you to sabotage yourself. Think of it as an obstacle to your true self, rather than part of who you are. In other words, the model you should have is that you are a runner who tripped over a stone, not that you are a runner who decided to stop running.

(3.) If you sabotaged yourself and therefore prevented yourself from accomplishing X, this may simply be a subconscious sign that you knew that you were not ready for X. Think about how you could improve yourself so that you will be more ready for X if the chance comes up again. Many people are "slow learners", or "late bloomers". This doesn't mean that they will never get where they want to be, it just means that they might have to spend longer on self-improvement before they are ready for certain things.



Nim
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10 Jun 2012, 1:42 am

Lets ponder the thought. A failure causing regret which produces anxiety and sadness/self doubt. Or a person unable to do what was expected or acting like themselves rejected by those who don't quite understand them or who they are. My thoughts on the matter are, move on - because you can obtain everything you've lost throughout life over and over, the thought of failure is destructive - but the regret that follows is detrimental to the resolve you should be trying to hang onto. Free will, to change your reality for better or for worse... You could give up the bad to always have the good - but then you may not be realistic.

Loved ones, great treasures - you will lose it all prior to dying. Remember the story of it all and share it with those who will listen to preserve your emotions and leave a namesake for yourself. Its a wonderful adventure in the end.



redrobin62
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10 Jun 2012, 1:51 am

What was the one thing that you needed and the stupid thing you did to lose it?



OliveOilMom
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10 Jun 2012, 7:29 am

I'd say that you should remember that whatever it was you did or said to mess it up, actually did seem like a good idea at the time, or seemed unavoidable to you at the time.

That sounds dismissive, but it's not. Most people don't set out to make bad choices and decisions. They usually feel that it's a good decision or the only option they have at the moment.

Remember that you did the best you could at the time with what you had, and resolve not to let it happen again if you are ever in that situation again. Also remember that those kinds of things are how we all (NT and AS both) learn. From our mistakes.


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HisDivineMajesty
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10 Jun 2012, 7:39 am

The best way for me to deal with regret is telling myself I'll have more to regret if I keep focusing on it. If I keep living in the past, remembering it too actively, I'll soon regret the present and the future.