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Dizzee
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14 Jun 2012, 10:27 am

...if you can't live as yourself?
Tell me.



Sweetleaf
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14 Jun 2012, 10:37 am

Dizzee wrote:
...if you can't live as yourself?
Tell me.


I could ask the same thing, I don't know the answer though.


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Scytheless
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14 Jun 2012, 10:39 am

...Because killing myself will devastate my whole family?
Besides, there are too many things I can learn while living. Death seems pretty boring too me.
And don't forget that man has an instinctual fear of death which prevents most broody teenagers from committing suicide.



Sweetleaf
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14 Jun 2012, 10:47 am

Scytheless wrote:
...Because killing myself will devastate my whole family?
Besides, there are too many things I can learn while living. Death seems pretty boring too me.
And don't forget that man has an instinctual fear of death which prevents most broody teenagers from committing suicide.


When I attempted suicide I was 15....since then I have certainly thought about it many times but haven't acted on it again. Maybe if I had not been dismissed as a 'broody teenager.' I might have gotten some actual help. But such is life.

Anyways, I thought the question was more what is the point if you can't be yourself though not so much the point of living in general.


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Dizzee
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14 Jun 2012, 10:48 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Scytheless wrote:
...Because killing myself will devastate my whole family?
Besides, there are too many things I can learn while living. Death seems pretty boring too me.
And don't forget that man has an instinctual fear of death which prevents most broody teenagers from committing suicide.


When I attempted suicide I was 15....since then I have certainly thought about it many times but haven't acted on it again. Maybe if I had not been dismissed as a 'broody teenager.' I might have gotten some actual help. But such is life.

Anyways, I thought the question was more what is the point if you can't be yourself though not so much the point of living in general.

Yes, we live for the stupid reasons that were put on our shoulders. NT's are surely too full of themselves in this world.



Joe90
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14 Jun 2012, 11:18 am

Because being yourself is too easy. Even NTs have to put on a front to go out, it's just how life is. Maybe it is just a little harder for those on the spectrum because of our lack of social skills. It is also important to behave depending on the environment you're in, for example you would behave differently at a job interview than you would in a bar with your mates. If you just be one person for every event you go to, you would run into difficulty. The point is, don't change yourself completely. Make sure you still keep your own unique traits, instead of turning into a robot, but it's just all common sense really. When I go to an interview I'm still Josie, but I put on a more professional approach, whereas when I go to the pub on a Friday night I put on a more jolly, cheerful approach. Certain behaviours for certain events just need to be learned, there are tips on how to be more confident or approachable or whatever for different situations. And this is not just aimed at Aspies, it goes for anyone.


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SpiritBlooms
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14 Jun 2012, 11:22 am

Dizzee wrote:
...if you can't live as yourself?
Tell me.

Why can't you live as yourself?



Sweetleaf
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14 Jun 2012, 11:25 am

Joe90 wrote:
Because being yourself is too easy. Even NTs have to put on a front to go out, it's just how life is. Maybe it is just a little harder for those on the spectrum because of our lack of social skills. It is also important to behave depending on the environment you're in, for example you would behave differently at a job interview than you would in a bar with your mates. If you just be one person for every event you go to, you would run into difficulty. The point is, don't change yourself completely. Make sure you still keep your own unique traits, instead of turning into a robot, but it's just all common sense really. When I go to an interview I'm still Josie, but I put on a more professional approach, whereas when I go to the pub on a Friday night I put on a more jolly, cheerful approach. Certain behaviours for certain events just need to be learned, there are tips on how to be more confident or approachable or whatever for different situations. And this is not just aimed at Aspies, it goes for anyone.


How is being yourself too easy? maybe if you're popular and people like you.....but if you're the outcast type that people don't really like and even go out of their way to pick on its not very easy at all. I never did learn to 'fake' it very well...except pretending to be 'ok' around my family since they don't understand a lot of the time and so talking to them about things just ends up being stressful.

Of course I behave differently in a job interview than chilling with friends, but apparently even that's not good enough because I can't hide that I'm a bit unusual compared to neurotypicals. I mean mostly lack confidence in general and I also suck at pretending I don't also most of the time I do not want to be 'approachable' because I'd prefer if people I don't know leave me alone.


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Sweetleaf
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14 Jun 2012, 11:31 am

Dizzee wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Scytheless wrote:
...Because killing myself will devastate my whole family?
Besides, there are too many things I can learn while living. Death seems pretty boring too me.
And don't forget that man has an instinctual fear of death which prevents most broody teenagers from committing suicide.


When I attempted suicide I was 15....since then I have certainly thought about it many times but haven't acted on it again. Maybe if I had not been dismissed as a 'broody teenager.' I might have gotten some actual help. But such is life.

Anyways, I thought the question was more what is the point if you can't be yourself though not so much the point of living in general.

Yes, we live for the stupid reasons that were put on our shoulders. NT's are surely too full of themselves in this world.


Well some of them, I don't think being neurotypical makes someone full of themself...I mean non neurotypicals can be that way as well. But I see your point, I mean society in general seems to have an issue with anything that's different. Its like they want you to conform or else. Honestly though I don't really have much of a reason there are people I really don't want to hurt...but it seems like I have to go through hell just to stick around. I mean I become more and more focused on just wanting to kill the pain or decrease it just so I can be somewhat pleasant around family and friends.

I mean for the time being I cannot even function well enough for a job....but even if I could I cannot imagine working a normal job and living a normal life, I mean if that is what I have to look forward to or am supposed to strive for I really don't see the point. I am actually kind of hoping for a zombie apocalypse to be honest :twisted:


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Dizzee
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14 Jun 2012, 12:16 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Dizzee wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Scytheless wrote:
...Because killing myself will devastate my whole family?
Besides, there are too many things I can learn while living. Death seems pretty boring too me.
And don't forget that man has an instinctual fear of death which prevents most broody teenagers from committing suicide.


When I attempted suicide I was 15....since then I have certainly thought about it many times but haven't acted on it again. Maybe if I had not been dismissed as a 'broody teenager.' I might have gotten some actual help. But such is life.

Anyways, I thought the question was more what is the point if you can't be yourself though not so much the point of living in general.

Yes, we live for the stupid reasons that were put on our shoulders. NT's are surely too full of themselves in this world.


Well some of them, I don't think being neurotypical makes someone full of themself...I mean non neurotypicals can be that way as well. But I see your point, I mean society in general seems to have an issue with anything that's different. Its like they want you to conform or else. Honestly though I don't really have much of a reason there are people I really don't want to hurt...but it seems like I have to go through hell just to stick around. I mean I become more and more focused on just wanting to kill the pain or decrease it just so I can be somewhat pleasant around family and friends.

I mean for the time being I cannot even function well enough for a job....but even if I could I cannot imagine working a normal job and living a normal life, I mean if that is what I have to look forward to or am supposed to strive for I really don't see the point. I am actually kind of hoping for a zombie apocalypse to be honest :twisted:

I've suffered for too long now, even if I could live a normal life that wouldn't excite me enough, things like school or job is like a gulag to me, it was all my life actually.



mike_br
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14 Jun 2012, 12:24 pm

The problem is: living as myself is not possible.

I'd have inherit enough to live in a secluded place with internet connection... and that's that.
Can't have that, so I have to deal with this frustrating world of expectations, jobs, other people. Very distateful... not sure how long I'll hold on myself.



outofplace
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14 Jun 2012, 12:27 pm

Life isn't necessarily easy for me but it can be interesting at times. Many times I have thought about ending it all due to a variety of reasons but I never do. My biggest reason is that It would hurt the small, non-zero number of people who care about me. My second reason though is that the world has changed so much in my lifetime that I want to see how much more it will change in the future. Will solutions to the very real problems we face be found or will the whole thing implode on itself? It's an interesting question and one that I will never know the answer to if I kill myself.


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Joe90
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14 Jun 2012, 12:29 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Because being yourself is too easy. Even NTs have to put on a front to go out, it's just how life is. Maybe it is just a little harder for those on the spectrum because of our lack of social skills. It is also important to behave depending on the environment you're in, for example you would behave differently at a job interview than you would in a bar with your mates. If you just be one person for every event you go to, you would run into difficulty. The point is, don't change yourself completely. Make sure you still keep your own unique traits, instead of turning into a robot, but it's just all common sense really. When I go to an interview I'm still Josie, but I put on a more professional approach, whereas when I go to the pub on a Friday night I put on a more jolly, cheerful approach. Certain behaviours for certain events just need to be learned, there are tips on how to be more confident or approachable or whatever for different situations. And this is not just aimed at Aspies, it goes for anyone.


How is being yourself too easy? maybe if you're popular and people like you.....but if you're the outcast type that people don't really like and even go out of their way to pick on its not very easy at all. I never did learn to 'fake' it very well...except pretending to be 'ok' around my family since they don't understand a lot of the time and so talking to them about things just ends up being stressful.

Of course I behave differently in a job interview than chilling with friends, but apparently even that's not good enough because I can't hide that I'm a bit unusual compared to neurotypicals. I mean mostly lack confidence in general and I also suck at pretending I don't also most of the time I do not want to be 'approachable' because I'd prefer if people I don't know leave me alone.


I thought when people say it's ''too easy'' it means people don't make much effort with things. Anybody could just be themselves, which would mean you're not doing anything to make yourself fit in. I don't mean you, I mean anyone. Most people are different out or at work than they are in their own home, not completely, but they are to a degree.


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Dizzee
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14 Jun 2012, 12:37 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Because being yourself is too easy. Even NTs have to put on a front to go out, it's just how life is. Maybe it is just a little harder for those on the spectrum because of our lack of social skills. It is also important to behave depending on the environment you're in, for example you would behave differently at a job interview than you would in a bar with your mates. If you just be one person for every event you go to, you would run into difficulty. The point is, don't change yourself completely. Make sure you still keep your own unique traits, instead of turning into a robot, but it's just all common sense really. When I go to an interview I'm still Josie, but I put on a more professional approach, whereas when I go to the pub on a Friday night I put on a more jolly, cheerful approach. Certain behaviours for certain events just need to be learned, there are tips on how to be more confident or approachable or whatever for different situations. And this is not just aimed at Aspies, it goes for anyone.


How is being yourself too easy? maybe if you're popular and people like you.....but if you're the outcast type that people don't really like and even go out of their way to pick on its not very easy at all. I never did learn to 'fake' it very well...except pretending to be 'ok' around my family since they don't understand a lot of the time and so talking to them about things just ends up being stressful.

Of course I behave differently in a job interview than chilling with friends, but apparently even that's not good enough because I can't hide that I'm a bit unusual compared to neurotypicals. I mean mostly lack confidence in general and I also suck at pretending I don't also most of the time I do not want to be 'approachable' because I'd prefer if people I don't know leave me alone.


I thought when people say it's ''too easy'' it means people don't make much effort with things. Anybody could just be themselves, which would mean you're not doing anything to make yourself fit in.

You're looking at this from a wrong point of view my friend. Difficulties come when you are yourself, in order to keep it and improve it, when you're not yourself then it's basically being in a certain type of Brand, but it's not unique and millions of people are like this, even if you're improving it there's still going to be someone else with a higher level, that's just pointless.



Sweetleaf
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14 Jun 2012, 12:43 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Because being yourself is too easy. Even NTs have to put on a front to go out, it's just how life is. Maybe it is just a little harder for those on the spectrum because of our lack of social skills. It is also important to behave depending on the environment you're in, for example you would behave differently at a job interview than you would in a bar with your mates. If you just be one person for every event you go to, you would run into difficulty. The point is, don't change yourself completely. Make sure you still keep your own unique traits, instead of turning into a robot, but it's just all common sense really. When I go to an interview I'm still Josie, but I put on a more professional approach, whereas when I go to the pub on a Friday night I put on a more jolly, cheerful approach. Certain behaviours for certain events just need to be learned, there are tips on how to be more confident or approachable or whatever for different situations. And this is not just aimed at Aspies, it goes for anyone.


How is being yourself too easy? maybe if you're popular and people like you.....but if you're the outcast type that people don't really like and even go out of their way to pick on its not very easy at all. I never did learn to 'fake' it very well...except pretending to be 'ok' around my family since they don't understand a lot of the time and so talking to them about things just ends up being stressful.

Of course I behave differently in a job interview than chilling with friends, but apparently even that's not good enough because I can't hide that I'm a bit unusual compared to neurotypicals. I mean mostly lack confidence in general and I also suck at pretending I don't also most of the time I do not want to be 'approachable' because I'd prefer if people I don't know leave me alone.


I thought when people say it's ''too easy'' it means people don't make much effort with things. Anybody could just be themselves, which would mean you're not doing anything to make yourself fit in. I don't mean you, I mean anyone. Most people are different out or at work than they are in their own home, not completely, but they are to a degree.


Well my question is why should my effort go into acting more neurotypical...maybe there are more productive things to put my effort into. Why should my goal be to fit in? I mean I know you don't mean me specifically but in general why should ones goal be fitting in? and thus why should they put their effort into fitting in? I remember trying to fit in as a kid, but turns out I was still weird to them...and so they alienated me by picking on me so naturally I am not so interested in fitting in with that.


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shomnec
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14 Jun 2012, 12:43 pm

Hi all,

As "lame" as it might sound, I just want to offer what words of comfort and support I could to Dizzee and everyone here. For my part, I don't even know who I really am most of the time, so much do I have to put on masks and roles for work and my relationships. I just changed residence and jobs (temped for three months before actually finally securing the job), and the whole experience gave me this existential dread of the universe, that it's ready to torture me and devour me at any moment... Cheerful thoughts...! x-(

I'm glad I've rediscovered this website, because, to be honest, we need to be each other's advocates, sounding boards, and family. Not that we won't have other family or friends sometimes (although not everyone is so blessed with real family and friends), but let's face it, only we really know the subjective reality of living with our nervous systems.

We have to be able to lean on this community and each other when we need to lean - sometimes it's either that or fall on our faces, and, uh, that hurts.

I don't know you guys personally, but I see you as compatriots - like family, even - in this experience we all have in this lifetime. And I don't like family getting hurt and being alone.