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MXH
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21 Jun 2012, 12:40 pm

PastFixations wrote:
HisDivineMajesty wrote:
I think it's about confidence, as well as physical dominance. The "tall" in "tall and handsome" isn't called "tall" because that word sounds nice.

No... It's about confidence and preference rather than physical dominance.


dominance shows confidence though



rabbittss
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21 Jun 2012, 12:43 pm

PastFixations wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
PastFixations wrote:
Confidence is about being certain in your abilities or qualities...


a wise, cyborg fruit bat once said 'Only fools are positive'... and I tend to equate certainty with being positive..

Well then, that is a good thing as being positive generates optimism in yourself.


It generates delusions, which is the same thing as optimism.

Pessimism is seeing the world how it is, Optimism is seeing the world as you want it to be. Therefore, optimists are being willfully ignorant in order to be happy.



McAnulty
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21 Jun 2012, 12:57 pm

Pessimism isn't seeing the world as it is, it is seeing everything with a negative tint. Pessimists tend to see the world as negative whether it is or not. Seeing the world as it is is Realism.



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21 Jun 2012, 12:59 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
Boxman108 wrote:
It's not so much about confidence as it is about being a giant egotistical douchebag.


If it was, I'd be surrounded by voluptuous blondes by now. :lol:
I think it's about confidence, as well as physical dominance. The "tall" in "tall and handsome" isn't called "tall" because that word sounds nice.


Wear stilts.



Zinia
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21 Jun 2012, 1:12 pm

It's hard to say what shows confidence, but body language can.

Here are some of the things I've been thinking about:

When I first saw my supervisor, I noticed something slightly different about his body language. He has a background in sales, so it makes sense that he's worked on the proper posture and body language, because being able to project confidence is important for a salesperson.

So I looked up his body language and was surprised to learn that he was using textbook confident body language. Confidence and dominance are a bit confusing to me, in terms of body language--and they often overlap when I read about it.

Here are some of the things he does to exude confidence without even saying anything:

He tilts his head back and raises his eyebrows often, while maintaining eye contact. This is a sign of dominance and is often seen in people giving orders, in fact, I do this to my son, unconsciously, when he's disobeying. Note that my supervisor doesn't give orders or have hostile facial expressions--so this just exudes confidence without seeming hostile or arrogant (the same body language can seem arrogant and probably shouldn't be, IMO, coupled with folded arms or any kind of scowl or grimace.)

He makes eye contact often, and he positions his body to face the person he is addressing.

Then, he sits upright, and the tilting of the head back naturally puffs out his chest and shoulders a bit--another confident look (without being too peacockish.)

He holds his body in a relaxed open manner.

Often, men will also sit with their legs more open, this projects some kind of alpha male quality. Women, if you notice, will often close or cross their legs. It's actually funny to watch for on a bus--you'll have a guy with his legs all spread apart, and a woman sitting next to him closed up like a clam.

Taking more space (both with the puffed out chest and with the open legs) exudes a type of dominance or confidence.

So---I think it's important to work on your own self confidence and self esteem, but I also think that in a dating situation, when you are nervous, you can try one or two body language cues to sort of fake it. It's not really the appearance that matters in the long run, but it can help during initial contact, IMO.

Being confident when you're talking, well that's different. Overall, I don't know how to be confident inside, in many situations. I can talk to strangers fine, but if I think I'm ever going to have to talk to a person again then I get totally anxious and it's really hard to be confident.



BlueMax
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21 Jun 2012, 1:20 pm

McAnulty wrote:
Pessimism isn't seeing the world as it is, it is seeing everything with a negative tint.

And it's not just women who find this outlook very unappealing! Negativity is a very unattractive trait! People want to have a good time with you - to laugh, enjoy life and just feel happy. If you can't provide that, you won't garner much interest.



PastFixations
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21 Jun 2012, 1:21 pm

MXH wrote:
PastFixations wrote:
No... It's about confidence and preference rather than physical dominance.


dominance shows confidence though

Dominance shows that you can give orders and make all the decisions and belittle others.


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rabbittss
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21 Jun 2012, 1:26 pm

BlueMax wrote:
McAnulty wrote:
Pessimism isn't seeing the world as it is, it is seeing everything with a negative tint.

And it's not just women who find this outlook very unappealing! Negativity is a very unattractive trait! People want to have a good time with you - to laugh, enjoy life and just feel happy. If you can't provide that, you won't garner much interest.


Then they should give me a reason to be happy and enjoy life. I'm not going to just wander around like a blithering idiot pretending to be having a good time when I'm not.



PastFixations
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21 Jun 2012, 1:29 pm

Optimists don't become willingfully ignorant. They just live happily with what they have rather than being a pessimist and feeling like life isn't worth living because all is hell.


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BlueMax
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21 Jun 2012, 1:32 pm

Zinia wrote:
It's hard to say what shows confidence, but body language can.

When I first saw my supervisor, I noticed something slightly different about his body language. He has a background in sales, so it makes sense that he's worked on the proper posture and body language, because being able to project confidence is important for a salesperson.

So I looked up his body language and was surprised to learn that he was using textbook confident body language. Confidence and dominance are a bit confusing to me, in terms of body language--and they often overlap when I read about it.


You're bang on! There's apparently a step above that taught to people who really need to command authority - like police, firefighters, etc.

Still... this can only go so far if you don't have the self-confidence behind it. If you know in your heart you're "worth it" - others will too.


Easier said than done, of course.... but I'm getting there!



rabbittss
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21 Jun 2012, 1:33 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Optimists don't become willingfully ignorant. They just live happily with what they have rather than being a pessimist and feeling like life isn't worth living because all is hell.


Life IS hell, and Life ISN'T worth living 90% of the time. Deluding yourself into believing otherwise is the same as being willfully ignorant.

Deep down you know I'm right, and one day all your optimism will come crashing down on top of you in the form of crippling depression which you will then be forced to take medication to 'treat'. If everyone simply had realistic expectations of life, the world would be a much better place.

If everyone just convinces themselves to be happy with what exists around them, nothing ever changes for the better.

In Optimism land, the people say, Nah, we don't need to fix that bridge.. just be happy we have a bridge.. Meanwhile another chunk of concrete just fell off the bridge.

In the Realistic world, enough people get pissed off about those chunks of concrete falling off the bridge to make some one fix it.



PastFixations
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21 Jun 2012, 1:51 pm

Actually I'm neither optimistic or pessimistic.
I go with what I believe to be true. Such as you are self-defeating.


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Last edited by PastFixations on 21 Jun 2012, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

deltafunction
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21 Jun 2012, 1:52 pm

BlueMax wrote:
McAnulty wrote:
Pessimism isn't seeing the world as it is, it is seeing everything with a negative tint.

And it's not just women who find this outlook very unappealing! Negativity is a very unattractive trait! People want to have a good time with you - to laugh, enjoy life and just feel happy. If you can't provide that, you won't garner much interest.


I think you're bang on, BlueMax


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Last edited by deltafunction on 21 Jun 2012, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rabbittss
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21 Jun 2012, 1:53 pm

What you believe to be true isn't the same as what is actually true.

Beliefs /= facts.



PastFixations
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21 Jun 2012, 2:10 pm

rabbittss wrote:
What you believe to be true isn't the same as what is actually true.

Beliefs /= facts.

Pfft... Still, I'm happier with beliefs than what you are with facts.


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