Perhaps I'm just meant to die alone?

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outofplace
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23 Jun 2012, 1:55 am

Xenu wrote:
outofplace wrote:
Well, I will say that at 18 you shouldn't jump to conclusions. You simply have not been exposed to enough people yet to make that decision. Plus, at your age, it is much easier to find a girl who will be understanding of your lack of experience and give you the nudge you need to learn these valuable social skills. Wait too long and the expectations go up significantly, to the point that it will be much more difficult. What you probably need is another person who has a lack of self esteem in this area and thus will not judge you too harshly so long as you do not judge her. Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


But that's exactly the kind of girl I look for.


Be patient then. It may well take more time for you than most people, but if you keep having interactions with people eventually you will stumble into something. However, you need to realize that if she lacks confidence then you will have to either be slightly more confident than her or show yourself to be a decent guy that will look out for her and protect her.


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bucephalus
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23 Jun 2012, 5:22 am

outofplace wrote:
Xenu wrote:
outofplace wrote:
Well, I will say that at 18 you shouldn't jump to conclusions. You simply have not been exposed to enough people yet to make that decision. Plus, at your age, it is much easier to find a girl who will be understanding of your lack of experience and give you the nudge you need to learn these valuable social skills. Wait too long and the expectations go up significantly, to the point that it will be much more difficult. What you probably need is another person who has a lack of self esteem in this area and thus will not judge you too harshly so long as you do not judge her. Instead of focusing heavily on appearances, try focusing on finding a girl who is a kindred spirit. In the end this is far more likely to result in a connection than just finding someone you only want to have sex with.


But that's exactly the kind of girl I look for.


Be patient then. It may well take more time for you than most people, but if you keep having interactions with people eventually you will stumble into something. However, you need to realize that if she lacks confidence then you will have to either be slightly more confident than her or show yourself to be a decent guy that will look out for her and protect her.


i don't agree. i believe that, in the pursuit of an inferno, a pool of petroleum will not find another pool of petroleum to be his match. An outgoing woman that speaks alot may well need someone that gives them the room to say everything and take the time (or at least appear) to listen. Xenu, there's no need to force a change in yourself, you won't be given the option of dying alone; you are somebody's perfect solution. As outofplace says, be patient


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biostructure
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24 Jun 2012, 1:25 am

Quote:
Wait too long and the expectations go up significantly, to the point that it will be much more difficult.

Unfortunately VERY true! High school and early college are the time people are exploring and willing to give the benefit of the doubt. I was naive enough to think it would always be that way...

Bucephalus: It can go both ways. I find both certain kindred spirits and certain near-opposites enticing. But even with kindred spirits there probably has to be some contrast. Particularly since many people want someone who is at least a tad more feminine or masculine than them, which is not possible for total "carbon copies".



Adam82
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24 Jun 2012, 1:44 am

DonkeyBuster wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Once I hit 30, I plan to take up smoking and drinking heavily. I have no interest in living past 35.


Yeah, I was stunned as hell to make it past 21, figuring someone else would kill me if I didn't do it myself, & here I am at 55. Still don't have a 5 year plan. :lol:


If you don't mind me asking, how is life now for you? I just want some assurance that things will get better for me in the future. I am nearly 30 now, and not in a very good place in life. I have no interest in continuing on the way I am, for much longer.



rabbittss
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24 Jun 2012, 10:03 am

biostructure wrote:

Bucephalus: It can go both ways. I find both certain kindred spirits and certain near-opposites enticing. But even with kindred spirits there probably has to be some contrast. Particularly since many people want someone who is at least a tad more feminine or masculine than them, which is not possible for total "carbon copies".


I think this is definitely part of my problem.. since what I really want, and almost all the people I'm attracted to.. tend to be exact carbon copies of myself. There might be some differences.. but they tend to be minor things such as diet... Unfortunately these people tend to wind up coming to view me as a brother rather than anything else.. which then completely ruins it for them... and then we wind up getting to the point where miscommunications pile up and we can't even be friends. One recent especially good example was so similar to me my friends all wanted to know if I had a twin sister.. I found her extremely attractive.. but she obviously didn't feel that way and now we don't even talk.



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24 Jun 2012, 6:08 pm

darkfoxkyoko wrote:
Have you had experience to the contrary?


Yes my experience has been very much to the contrary.



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Velociraptor
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25 Jun 2012, 7:30 am

Fact: Most people die alone... in hospitals, no less. Sometimes they were widowed, some never married, sometimes the spouse is just at home.

You're 18, not 81. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have no idea if you'll suddenly stumble onto some great relationship at, say, 25.
Alone or not, there's plenty to do, explore, enjoy, learn, and accomplish. Romantic relationships make up only a small part of life. And to the person who doesn't see the good in life past 35? Horse s**t. The teens and twenties are said to be the most challenging parts of life, where you develop and get to know yourself. The thirties and forties are where you have wisdom, maturity (not "omg, age 35 and it's all over"), confidence, and the ability to take life for what it is, laugh, and enjoy yourself.

Learning to live alone and to enjoy your own company is the best advice I've read in this thread.



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Velociraptor
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25 Jun 2012, 7:32 am

DonkeyBuster wrote:
rabbittss wrote:
Once I hit 30, I plan to take up smoking and drinking heavily. I have no interest in living past 35.


Yeah, I was stunned as hell to make it past 21, figuring someone else would kill me if I didn't do it myself, & here I am at 55. Still don't have a 5 year plan. :lol:


+ 1



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26 Jun 2012, 12:54 am

Your purpose, like everyone elses, is to procreate.

How you die is of little concern to your biological imperative.



biostructure
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26 Jun 2012, 2:02 am

rabbittss wrote:
One recent especially good example was so similar to me my friends all wanted to know if I had a twin sister.. I found her extremely attractive.. but she obviously didn't feel that way and now we don't even talk.


Don't you just hate when that happens? But, I'm beginning to realize that in some of the cases I thought were like this, there likely actually were more differences than I gave credit for. Not only the literally obvious ones, like I know more than they do about certain types of science, but also emotional ones--some of which I overlooked simply because I'm used to girls in general being different from me in those ways.