Mum needs advice on Asperger & Angry Birds obsession

Post Reply New Topic

Hello,

I have a five-year old son who probably has (mild) Asperger syndrome. We are on a waiting list to get him tested by a professional team (in Belgium, waiting lists are +1 year). He's very intelligent, funny and curious, but also has poor social skills and very intense emotions which he has trouble dealing with. I won't elaborate on his persona, because I have a very specific question.

Lately, he developed an obsession with Angry Birds. He did have previous special interests, but none of them became so important and intense. He talks mostly about Angry Birds, he only draws Angry Birds, he continuously hums the song and makes the birdsounds. If I try to change the subject, he turns any conversation topic into something related to Angry Birds. It's come to the point were the other children in his class are starting to ignore him when he goes on and on about it. At home, he can become furiously angry when I tell him it's time to stop playing the game.

I allow him 15 minutes a day to play the game on my iPad, I let him play with the construction game (where you have to build the structure and use actual Angry Birds figurines), and I told him he could draw what he want, but I would like to see some other drawings as well. I also explained to him that some people don't want to talk or hear about Angry Birds all the time.

I understand the world of Angry Birds might comfort him and it could be that there's something about the 'angry' part that attracts him, since he gets angry very fast and very intensely. I decided, therefore, that I might try 'the anger managment for kids using angry birds-technique' because it uses his obsession to teach him about how to deal with anger. I'm not allowed to post the link here, but it's basically using the birds features to explain appropiate / non-appropiated behaviour, like 'don't throw stuff like the white bird throws eggs, but take deep breaths like the inflatable bird'.

But, I don't know how to handle the conversation-thing. Should I tell him to stop talking about it when he's going on and on about it? That seems harsh. But how do I explain 'moderation' to a five-year old? I want to respect him and his interest, but sometimes, it scares me how he gets carried away.

How do you tell him? Is it "you have 5 minutes left"? Or is it more you let him play for however long, and then tell him to come off it, with no warning?

I remember being like this when I was very young too, only interested in certain games.
Having only discovered my Asperger's recently, I can't tell you exactly what you should do that would help him progress, but

might be a nice thing to try, at least to see how he reacts.

If his experience is like mine, though, it's not really an anger issue. He probably just doesn't understand why nobody else wants to talk about Angry Birds. Of course, this won't help him make friends (unless there is somebody else that he can talk to about it), but I can say that it won't last forever. It's just a phase like any other.

Well, I can't say that I understand his case having only just read about him, but that was the pattern for me, when I was growing up.

Speaking for myself, the best way to get someone off a game, though this is mainly for games less casual than Angry Birds, is to tell them they can only do so much more before they get off, ie get to the next save point, finish the level, ect. instead of giving them a stricter time limit, but as the levels in Angry Birds are so much shorter I'm not sure if that would make any difference.

I think if you do the time limit thing you should do as another poster said and give him warnings like a 5 minute warning and a 2 minute warning and 1 minute warning and such.

Also, he will one day move on from Angry Birds - and on to other obsessions - maybe he'll have some really good or really productive ones - I am much better off with my music obsession than if I were obsessed with spoons or something. But he'll eventually learn not to go on and on and on and on about them.

Hey! At 22 I still struggle to find that fine line between explaining my interest and 'going-on' about it. I get a lot of people tell me I keep talking about the same stuff!
I do understand as I would and sometimes still do get quite frustrated when I have to do something else than read about my interests.
I think your doing the right thing with setting time limits and counting down is a good idea because for me when I get wrapped up in something I lose track of time! Lots of positives and encouragement when he does step back from angry birds is helpful

Same thing here - I have rather intense special interests. For example almost all of my posts here at WP mention my special interests in some way. I very often refer to them to give examples for just about anything. I have a lot of difficulty not talking about them in real life, but as I pretty much only am around people who are interested in music, they are perfectly fine with me going on and on about it. (I hope...)

Thanks for your replies. I do use the 5 minutes and then 1-minute heads up, and always let him finish the level he's playing.

The game itself however, is not the biggest issue; for me it's the talking about it.
Let's say he's been talking about angry birds for a long time, and I try to move his focus to something else, and he will find some kind of 'conversational bridge' to get back to talk about Angry Birds. Is it OK for me to tell him 'we're not talking about AB now'?

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to Parents' Discussion]

I would try to explain to him that he can talk about other things for say 5 minutes and then can talk about angry birds for 1 minute.
Then as he gets used to that extend the time.
Lots of praise and reinforcement for talking about other things.
I think its important that he is allowed time for his special interest - as a reward after doing other things.
I also think you do need to tell him why its important not to only talk about angry birds. eg; there are other important things to talk about sometimes, also everyone has favourite things they like to talk about and its important to take turns talking about the things you like so that your friends will be happy. Like sharing a toy good friends share the conversation too.

I think its great you use his special interest to teach him about anger managment.

I would probably try to use that obsession to work for you. 15 mins on the game a day doesn't seem like much, could he try to control his outbursts to earn more time on the game? Using visuals cues to support you... letting him know how long he can play and then if he can handle getting off the game after that timeframe, without getting upset he could earn another amount of time later that day. There is a "time timer" app that has timers that can be set for any amout of time, it's a visual thing so you can see the time passing on the clock face. We use it to tell our son "when the red's all gone, you're gone" (ie. once the clock is white, the time is up) it's useful for anything he has to wait for, use the same language each time. Of course it will probably get worse before it gets better As for the talking on and on about it, maybe you could use the timer for that and let him know it's time for him to tell you everything he wants to about angry birds for 10mins, then when the clock runs out times up until tomorrow, or later... whatever limit you would decide. Remind him when the time is getting low so it doesn't suddenly finish and he is unprepared (although if he is watching the time slowly disappear visually, this should not be a problem).
I don't know his level of understanding but I would talk to him about this when he is calm and happy, maybe write up a simple plan together of how it will work. Let him know you understand how important it is to him and that you want to help him to earn more time on the game, if he can show you how he can control himself better or do other un angry birds related things when you ask him to. Hopefully then in the long run, even if he is spending more time on the actual game, he is spending the rest of his time constructively and he will have learnt how to stop either playing or talking about it when he needs to.
The angry birds anger management sounds cool and I think teaching him to gain some control over this is a good thing for him.

I think it is ok to tell him he can no longer talk about AB, or rather, WHEN he can talk about it. And when he talks about it be very interested! I cant imagine being so in love with something, and no one being interested or caring. So, I make sure a few times a day I gie my son my full attention about his obesessions, even ask him Qs about them, smiel, laugh and talk with him.

My son is 6 and AB obsessed as well, he can make all teh birds sounds, has al the stuffed animals, reenacts the scenes, etc..while he odesnt talk about it as much as your son, my son is also heavily addicted to Mario, Luigi and Sonic...those are his heavily talked about obeseeions.

What is that link teaching kids emotions thru AB? could you PM me that link Id be interested!

I think it is ok to teach him that there needs to be a balance of what he talks about, this way kids at school wont get angry or ignore him. If he can understand that others might only want to hear about AB for 15 minutes, etc...then change topic or ask THEM what they want to talk about. There was a great book I was reading with my DS using pics to teach kids on the spectrum social interactions. One such explination was how to determine of others are bored with our topics, it was very useful.

good luck!

Maybe introduce a star chart system? If he stops playing when you tell him to, he gets a star. If he doesn't change the topic of conversation, he gets a star. If he draws something that isn't related to Angry Birds, he gets a star.

If he gets five stars, maybe he gets an extra five minutes playing Angry Birds one day, or he can get a small treat like a chocolate bar or a comic.

I love the idea of 'earning' more time on the game when not getting upset at the end of the 'playtime', and I'm definitely going to download that timer-app. Also, teaching him to ask other kids what they want to talk about, is definitely worth trying.

Thanks for all the practical tips- so much more useful then all the 'general information' I found until now on the web.

This post made me smile, because I got a mental picture of my sons at 5 following me around the house as I tried to do housework talking and talking and talking about superheroes, which was their common obsession right after trains and before Bionicles. And things haven't changed too much, I had to interrupt a long spiel about Skyrim so we could get ready for school this morning. Of course I am just as verbose if anyone will give me half a chance to get going on one of my interests...

It sounds like you are doing a great job of helping him to branch his interest off into a few different areas and using it as a positive teaching tool. I would give him as much time as possible to talk about his interests at home with you. I can't even express how much of a pleasure it is to be able to talk about one of your obsessive interests and not have to worry about boring or exasperating the other person while doing so. It is a relief, and it is a powerful way to bond with an Aspie. So let your son talk lots about his interest with you, and learn at least a little about his interest so you can ask him questions and participate with him; he will love you for it.

What we did with our sons to encourage some balance and teach appropriate social skills, along with letting them "geek out" freely about their special interests, were things like instituting times when we do non-interest related small talk (like at the dinner table), taking turns to talk and ask about other peoples' interests too, having a "parents can interrupt" clause (without this we could get stuck talking video games for an hour when we need to be eating or getting ready or something else), and giving them info about how most other people will not want to talk about X so much, but it's OK with Mom and Dad (social stories are good for this at your sons age).

That dinner-talk idea is also a good one: very simple and clear boundaries!

I do notice that he enjoys talking freely about it, especially if I ask him questions so he can explain his interest, but until now I've been a bit afraid to do that, scared that encouraging him would make it worse, and feeling the peer pressure (= friends raising eyebrows).
I think I'm going to try to mould all these good ideas into something that works for us, with clear guidelines that will also make it easier for me to stop me feeling constantly anxious about it.