I can't have a conversation I can only make small talk

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amboxer21
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01 Jul 2012, 12:40 pm

I am the same way too!! It makes going for a ride with someone so uncomfortable!! ! Like I live wih my grand father and he's an older guy and he brings me shopping to do all the heavy lifting. The 30 minute ride there is mostly silent and very uncomfortable. I try to pull something, anything to talk about but it doesn't work. Like he will bring something up and ill respond with an answer and try to keep it going but it doesnt work. So I remain silent and listen to my iPod or hop on my phones Internet.

I am with the person above me! I know when to talk or when i should its just that i am unable to. Its the reciprocation in the conversation that is my problem. They get quite and then so do i. Ill think of something to say 5 minutes later and still a fail! Ill sit and think in my head and not know which thoughts are worthy o conversation. What i find cool and amusing might not amuse others!

It's not just him but everyone! Strangers, family, etc. So, everywhere i go. I just rock my ipod and remain silent.

I wish I could talk to people!



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01 Jul 2012, 5:42 pm

I can make small talk and I am also much better at the talking for the sake of talking. I will bring up the most random things or just about anything I see that reminds me of something and we'll talk.

If you play a game talk about the game talk about the characters then relate what's in the game to real life. Usually when I start talking about 1 thing i start relating it to other things and eventually we just have a very very long conversation with several random topics that all come back to one thing at the beginning.



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01 Jul 2012, 5:51 pm

My greatest problem is eye contact. Looking other people in the eyes terrifies me 8O

Also, talking to a stranger on the phone. I usually don't know what to say, which results in an awkward silence.

Also, I usually speak very quietly to strangers. I try to speak up but I am way too confused - and the urge to evade eye contact only makes things worse.



amboxer21
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01 Jul 2012, 6:57 pm

Unseen wrote:
My greatest problem is eye contact. Looking other people in the eyes terrifies me 8O

Also, talking to a stranger on the phone. I usually don't know what to say, which results in an awkward silence.

Also, I usually speak very quietly to strangers. I try to speak up but I am way too confused - and the urge to evade eye contact only makes things worse.


I have the same problem! Except reverse. Eye contact doesn't terrify me my I am engaged in a conversation. Like with some random stranger has the need to talk to me in line at a store or when i am at radio shack buying a NPN BJT transistor and the employees start talking to me. Only because i know i should be looking at them though. I will often look away or at the ground though. I won't know what to do with my hands either so I'll grab my septum ring while they're talking and play with it or I'll move and fidget. I won't know weather to smile or what else to do. I'll cut them off a lot! Maybe break my phone out and jump on wrongplanet and browse. I don't mean to be rude but I just do it without thinking. Ill look behind me. IDK.... It's so confusing and uncomfortable lol

I have an app that fakes a call lol It gets me out of a lot of terrible situations!

Now where the eye contact bothers me is when I am passing Someone in the mall, while jogging and passing others or at a store coming in or leaving. I feel like i should say hi or wave or wave and say hi at the same time. Just do something but I don't know what, so I look away or down. It makes it so awkward and uncomfortable! Then when people get to know me, they avoid me.

I have learned to just keep my ipod in and walk fast from point a to point b and acknowledge no one. When I am forced into a social situation. Like at a counter at the store, I say as little as possible and just smile and nod my head. Try to play it cool.

I am at the point now where i am nervous to buy a sub because going to the store involves so much interaction its rediculous! I have my choice of 3 stores. It took me 10 minutes to chose. My decision was made by which one will i be less uncomfortable in.

Its weird cuz all the stores you need to pass the counter to get what you want and when you come in all the people stare at you. This one store i go in, is this guy and everytime i go in, i look away as soon as i see him cuz i dont know what i should do. Wave or say whats up and smile. Even if i did know what to do, something is not allowing me to do it. Like i am really nervous and cower. He now avoids me. Same goes for the other store, they don't even talk to me anymore lol One chick tried talking to me and said i am hungry. i told her she works at a sub shop and to just get something to eat. I think she was offended cuz right after she went silent. IDK....



jimbobobby
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04 Jul 2012, 11:08 am

amboxer21 wrote:
Unseen wrote:
My greatest problem is eye contact. Looking other people in the eyes terrifies me 8O

Also, talking to a stranger on the phone. I usually don't know what to say, which results in an awkward silence.

Also, I usually speak very quietly to strangers. I try to speak up but I am way too confused - and the urge to evade eye contact only makes things worse.


I have the same problem! Except reverse. Eye contact doesn't terrify me my I am engaged in a conversation. Like with some random stranger has the need to talk to me in line at a store or when i am at radio shack buying a NPN BJT transistor and the employees start talking to me. Only because i know i should be looking at them though. I will often look away or at the ground though. I won't know what to do with my hands either so I'll grab my septum ring while they're talking and play with it or I'll move and fidget. I won't know weather to smile or what else to do. I'll cut them off a lot! Maybe break my phone out and jump on wrongplanet and browse. I don't mean to be rude but I just do it without thinking. Ill look behind me. IDK.... It's so confusing and uncomfortable lol

I have an app that fakes a call lol It gets me out of a lot of terrible situations!

Now where the eye contact bothers me is when I am passing Someone in the mall, while jogging and passing others or at a store coming in or leaving. I feel like i should say hi or wave or wave and say hi at the same time. Just do something but I don't know what, so I look away or down. It makes it so awkward and uncomfortable! Then when people get to know me, they avoid me.

I have learned to just keep my ipod in and walk fast from point a to point b and acknowledge no one. When I am forced into a social situation. Like at a counter at the store, I say as little as possible and just smile and nod my head. Try to play it cool.

I am at the point now where i am nervous to buy a sub because going to the store involves so much interaction its rediculous! I have my choice of 3 stores. It took me 10 minutes to chose. My decision was made by which one will i be less uncomfortable in.

Its weird cuz all the stores you need to pass the counter to get what you want and when you come in all the people stare at you. This one store i go in, is this guy and everytime i go in, i look away as soon as i see him cuz i dont know what i should do. Wave or say whats up and smile. Even if i did know what to do, something is not allowing me to do it. Like i am really nervous and cower. He now avoids me. Same goes for the other store, they don't even talk to me anymore lol One chick tried talking to me and said i am hungry. i told her she works at a sub shop and to just get something to eat. I think she was offended cuz right after she went silent. IDK....


i am exactly like you. i feel like my brain is missing something. i find it very hard to have a conversation with anyone about anything really. when im around people my brain switches to this mode where i cant think quickly enough to respond, and to add to that i have trouble even coming up with a response. im also kind of a serious person, so i come off as cold. i try to joke around and i recognize humor but its hard for me to use humor in a conversation. after someone says something i try to think of a response but its so hard for me that i usually just end up saying "yeah..." or something similar and the convo dies. but then a few minutes later ill think of something and its to late. the problem is that im like this alot, even alone. i have trouble thinking, like i literally almost have no thoughts.... i have to focus on thinking to do it, it doesn't just come naturally. if i dont force myself to think my brain slips into this numb mode where i cant think. of anything its hard to explain, but ill be on here later to try to explain it more.



PastFixations
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04 Jul 2012, 11:23 am

Yeah I struggle trying to even keep a conversation going at times...
Sometimes even just saying hey to someone can be a struggle for me. Unless I actually know them.
That and I usually stay in the corner.


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amboxer21
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04 Jul 2012, 2:57 pm

jimbobobby wrote:
i am exactly like you. i feel like my brain is missing something. i find it very hard to have a conversation with anyone about anything really. when im around people my brain switches to this mode where i cant think quickly enough to respond, and to add to that i have trouble even coming up with a response. im also kind of a serious person, so i come off as cold. i try to joke around and i recognize humor but its hard for me to use humor in a conversation. after someone says something i try to think of a response but its so hard for me that i usually just end up saying "yeah..." or something similar and the convo dies. but then a few minutes later ill think of something and its to late. the problem is that im like this alot, even alone. i have trouble thinking, like i literally almost have no thoughts.... i have to focus on thinking to do it, it doesn't just come naturally. if i dont force myself to think my brain slips into this numb mode where i cant think. of anything its hard to explain, but ill be on here later to try to explain it more.


Well not exactly. Sure i have the problems I stated above but I "CAN" respond quickly. The problem lies somewhere else. I just cannot maintain the convo. IDK exactly what it is but I think the way normal conversation are, is that your reply has to be left open for them to be able to respond but must be relevant to the last comment as well as interesting. Then if it gets boring you have to change the topic or they will do it. I can sometimes see that the conversation is taking a turn into boring town but cannot control it and am not sure how to tun it around. So i start to fidget and look around and idk...... Im not sure how to control the convo. Its so damn hard! Like what am i supposed to talk about? Their interest of course...Right?? IDk... no matter what i do, the convo doesnt last long and dies out.


I sometimes stutter and stumble over my wods for some reason. I have no idea why. Its like i am nervous or i m trying to speak faster than i can think. IDK maybe someone else has this problem as well?!

I do not have a hard time recognizing sarcasm or jokes. My problem is that i am really sensitive and over think the sarcasm and often take offense or my feelings get hurt. I make jokes but they are either really dumb and corny or very offensive lol Like i will make sexual jokes to my mother and think its cool but she says other wise.

As for trouble thinking... thats crazy man! I am the complete opposite! I think way to much. I have a need to constantly learn! It is mostly aimed towards computers. I program in 3 or 4 different languages On my Linux box and am an electronic engineering hobbyist. I think i have something where my mind wont turn off cuz it afects my sleep too! I have very bad insomnia as well.

Maybe you can explain your thought thingy cuz i am intrigued and would like to know what you actually mean!



CyclopsSummers
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04 Jul 2012, 3:20 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Yeah I struggle trying to even keep a conversation going at times...
Sometimes even just saying hey to someone can be a struggle for me. Unless I actually know them.
That and I usually stay in the corner.


Yes, I tend to do that too!

It creeps people the hell out! Sometimes, that even amuses me a little bit.


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