Do you hate not having friends?

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I had a weird dream about an old friend and woke up at 5AM this morning. It lead me to reflect on the fact that I have no "friends" outside of some WP people I'm talking someone to call and ask to hang out go to the movies etc. Instead of always asking my family!! !! I was on a college campus for a year and met NO ONE! and related more to professors!! !! Students are IDIOTS! "LOL!" over the homework and tests and someone even asked a professor "Is there class today?" He responded yes. I questioned Why ask that is there a big test today? (Since I understand perhaps stress from an upcoming test.) but NO! "Oh I just didn't want to go to class today. IDIOTS!! !! I hope the Bachelor and onward is different! Focusing on students whom are actually interested in the Criminal Justice field!! !!

I understand some Aspies feel like they don't mind being alone and need there alone time as do I. When reading/doing homework I need my quiet and sometimes I meltdown and cry so at that time I need quite to focus on what is upsetting me but I'd also like to be able to ask someone besides my family to go out to eat or to the movies!! !

I hate it. It's a crushing feeling in my chest and heart and spine and lungs. It's depressing. It's not so much depressing not having friends - but nobody will look at me or give me the time of day to explain something to them. People are constantly trying to disprove me or they convey themselves to look like complete idiots like you stated before. I wonder why I don't hang out with people - and it's because they're stupid. Even the hipsters aren't informed like they should be. I find myself explaining the euro crisis to a banker or a 40 year old and they still don't get it. We're just smarter - and I think I'm tired of being the smartest person. Ambiguity is annoying too - NT's pretend like everything is OK with a big grin on their face - and I think it's OK because I don't know any different - when really they're probably dying inside but they just won't say anything. A bunch of sheeple is this planet. "Yeah lets go out for beer and donairs after" Yeah ok, because that's SMART.

When in Rome do as the Romans do.

Some days I hate it more than others. (Today is one of those days!)

I woke up today realizing that I've accrued a lifetime of failed attempts at friendship, and that there's little hope my future will be any different from my past. I try to be friendly and nice and caring, but despite my best attempts, I just don't connect with people. They'll be friendly to me for a while, but eventually they'll realize I'm too different, and will stop trying to talk to me, and then I'm alone again.

It's definitely depressing. On days like this I wonder what the point is of trying to make friends. And that maybe I'd be happier if I just accepted I'm not meant to have friends, and focus on being a happy introvert.

I don't get upset that i dont have friends. Maybe if there were people around that i wanted to be friends with and i was being rejected it'd be different, just honestly it's me rejecting them for the majority of the time, I make no effort apart from just being pleasant when im around people and then if they ask me to do something i only find an excuse not to. Im nice to them because im nice to everyone but beyond that they have nothing i want. I do feel like there's something missing from my life, just there's no one i've met that would fit that hole so I wouldn't allow myself to get bothered about it because as i see it there's no solution.

I share some of your feelings.

Last edited by pastafarian on 26 Jun 2012, 9:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

I share some of your feelings but I'm not as aspie.

To me, in your posts here you sound a wee bit superior. Do you think you might sound like that when you are explaining things? It would push people away. Or do you sound kind and patient, simply wanting to chat, and share, (rather than explain things to the childlike people?) I know nothing about your ways/tones but theres a difference in gently leading someone, whilst knowing you can learn from them, and explaining things to people.

Maybe if you expect less from people, but love the world anyway, then a more relaxed you might find great friends.

I dont expect to have much in common with most people, and I have had to seek my friends in sub cultures where I am more likely to find like minded people.

As much as I dislike the stupidity of prevailing cultures, it doesn't mean I find people stupid. If I feel that way I find myself ugly in my superiority first.

They never have anything to share though - they just like to disagree with mainstream facts or pre conceived ideologies as a point of truth. I always get "oh.. is that right?" and I'm never seated beside anybody I'm attracted to. It's like the universe doesn't want me to have friends or something.

Well sort of. I don't OMG! Freak out over some things as my NT family does. Such as OMG! $5 gas prices (which we haven't seen around us in Florida our local town anyway) and OMG! Tropical Storm. I'm focused on my family and if they are safe and if school is canceled. I worry about myself and my family. Not OMG! a storm OMG! damage. If it doesn't affect me/family IMO why get all upset over it. I know that's the typical NT thing to do but that's just not me. I mention the $5 gas thing to my Sociology professor and he suggested reading the book CULTURE OF FEAR it was an eye opener. A lot of people in our society fear things OMG! crime/drugs/terror etc. when really they shouldn't. It's sad what society has come to. I also try to explain things which irritates my family they don't care to know about what I've researched for a paper and I've even went so far as to discuss crime rates with my older sister Erica who already HAS a Bachelor in Criminal Justice and she said "Not everything you read is true."

I don't "feel" I'm superior or better in anyway my grades don't exactly show it C's,B's and A's in college so far. But I agree with the mindset above of "Lets drink our problems away." SHEESH! I'm hoping starting my Bachelor I can meet like minded people who are also getting there degrees in Criminal Justice. Just looking at my past experience with friends is heartbreaking.

I have a few friends, but I don't have a big crowd like most people of my age do. When I went to the pub last Friday (with my brother and his friends), my younger cousin came with 4 of his mates, my other cousin came with one of her mates, and my other cousin came with 2 of his mates. But I was the only who who didn't bring a mate along with me to add to the big crowd, I just felt like I was just tagging along because of being quite lonely otherwise.

I know having a few friends is better than no friends at all, and I know I've got more friends now than I ever did at school, but I still feel people criticise about the amount of friends I have. I seem to be expected to have a big crowd and always be out and about, and people tell me that they criticise because they feel sorry for me. But the more people feel sorry for me, the more it will feel like it's a bad thing to not have many friends and will just make me feel even more miserable. Instead, people should encourage me and say ''you've got a few friends, plan a day out, do something you enjoy with them!'' or ''having a small circle of friends is better than having no friends! Life's too short to worry about what you haven't got!''

Also I worry that something might happen that would come between me and my social life. Two of my friends have already moved far away and I will keep in touch over Facebook but I will probably never see them again. Then my other friend is going to move, and I just hope we can still keep in touch and see eachother by catching the train. Then my other friend wants to move and she's not sure if she's able to move in the same area or not, and she can't drive. So I keep worrying that I will end up with no friends again. I speak to a few people in the voluntary job that I go to, but not sure if it will become a full-blown friendship or not.

And whether I have friends or not has always somehow disturbed me. All my 14 cousins I have got are all NTs, and so all have more friends than me (even my shy cousins have), and since I was about 10 years old I've been trying to compete with them socially, by trying to have more friends and trying to get a boyfriend before them, just so that I won't come across as the socially awkward freak of the family what they make out me to be. I really don't know how to stop behaving so jealous all the time, but the fact of me being an Aspie surrounded by NTs, really eats at me and I just can't help throwing a tantrum each time I have found out that one of my cousins has got another friend or has found a boy/girlfriend.

Making friends is something I'm absolutely intent on not giving up on, yeah it's unbelievably difficult to understand how to be sociable we all experience this day after day. But I just can't give up on it, it's the human condition we are social animals. There's a rock/alternate music pub in town that I visit whenever I can afford it and I am making headway, I'm still experiencing behavior from people that I don't understand. And yes I've embarrassed myself a few times now, including one time I blasted some poor 18 year old girl with a rant about how useless I think philosophy is (her studying philosophy at college) next time I see her I'll have to apologize and buy her a drink.
Up until last year I'd completely given up on the human race but it's starting to come back, my confidence and self worth is improving with each week that passes. It's really REALLY hard but I'll get there if it kills me

Like.

Some of the friends you find through your determination will turn out to be superstars, you will have earned superstars.

Joe90, you really dont need lots of friends, you need the one that can help you mend that self-esteem of yours. Make every cell of your body know how smart, and kind and wonderful a precious human life you are.
And that will be enough.

Yes, I do hate it. Of course, being an introvert, there are times when I like being alone, but I do hate going to the movies or eating out by myself. Why? Because those are activities I enjoy, and I would like to share them with someone, but I can never find anyone to ask

I spent four years in college and never made any friends that I saw outside of class.

I have a birthday coming up, and I highly doubt I will be spending it with anyone but my parents and co-workers

Three weeks ago I went to the movies by myself. I recently started on Risperdal. It seems to be helping. I think I'll start going out by myself again. Maybe I'll go to a concert (rock, classical) or another movie or maybe even the museum. Maybe I'll even go to the aspie meetup group here. Gotta still enjoy life even without friends, right?

Last night in the throes of a caffeine-induced panic attack I literally just started reading aloud a passage of some Regency-era novel for twenty minutes over the phone to a friend I know from here,
and he listened, and talked me til I fell asleep.

Look around you. WP can be an amazing resource.
Depends on the definition of "friends", I guess-
he's been there for me on the phone or online through computer crises, stressed out rants and late night crying spells.
That's a friend, to me, and then some.

Yeah, I know exactly what that feels like. I've been feeling it a lot lately. I know I should find some social clubs around my interests, but the social anxiety...

I just play video games or distract myself instead.