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victorytea
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28 Jun 2012, 8:50 pm

Today I took Caleb to a playground, he turned 7 yesterday. He approached a group of boys ,his approximate age, and told them he would like them to meet his dad. I sat, observing the interaction, and one boy said "you're a weirdo" and another added " I've seen him before and he is weird". My son came to me with his chin hanging and related what happened. I told him to ignore the mean boys comments. It absolutely broke my heart to see him rejected this way. I hope there is something I can do besides directing him to ignore. I think he took it better than I did and believe that he wanted the boys to meet me so that I could "soften" the interaction and, maybe. prevent rejection. It didn't work. He is the sweetest boy alive and I love him dearly- how can I help?



momsparky
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28 Jun 2012, 9:10 pm

Ugh, I wish I had advice for you: I am so, so sorry.



cathylynn
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28 Jun 2012, 9:10 pm

with some luck and continued good parenting, caleb will learn that what other people think of him is not all that important, especially not the kind of person those boys are.

are there any aspergers support groups in your area? might be a source of friends for caleb.



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28 Jun 2012, 9:21 pm

Wow, I'm so sorry, kids can be cruel. I have no good advice, I'm just really sorry you and your son had to experience that.



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28 Jun 2012, 9:52 pm

We had a little of this last year when DS was just 4, and most of the other kids at kinder were 5. Some of them would run away from him and pick on him - absolutely heartbreaking. I can't really offer any advise but it is so hard to know that this is likely only going to get worse. This year there are a couple of other 'quirky' kids around him and he had a few friends but who knows how long it will last.


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MomofThree1975
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28 Jun 2012, 9:58 pm

I am so sorry he had to deal with those boys. It takes a lot of guts to go up to someone and try to make friends. My hat off to him for trying. The good news is, as he gets older, thinks will even out for him. All these experiences are toughing him up for the real. I would be proud if my son made attemps to make friends.



MomofThree1975
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28 Jun 2012, 10:09 pm

meant to be a new post. Sorry



Last edited by MomofThree1975 on 28 Jun 2012, 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

OliveOilMom
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28 Jun 2012, 10:21 pm

There was a lady in our neighborhood years ago, when my kids were all young, who had an autistic son about their age. She came to the parents first, alone, and explained that her son was autistic, explained his differences, and then asked if our children would be interested in getting together to play with him. This way if the parents know that their kids are too rowdy or something then they could say they dont think it's a good idea without the kids feelings getting hurt. My kids played with him.

You could do something like that at the playground. Bring some stuff for him to do alone there, like get him interested in playing cars, then go strike up a conversation with the other parents. Explain to them, then ask if they think their kids would be interested in playing, and tell them that they may need to explain to their kids some of the differences. Let them decide, and also let them explain to their kids.

Some say no, some say yes. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

All kids get rejected many times. Mine are NT and have gone through rejection quite a few times when they were younger. It's never fun for either but I do think it's worse on the parent because no parent can see why anyone would reject our kids. Also, sometimes kids reject others on just arbitrary things. When I was little I refused to play with red headed kids or kids with freckles. I have no idea why, but at that age, those were the worst traits a kid could have. I've of course outgrown it, and don't really understand it, except that one kid in my class was redheaded and freckled and was mean to everybody. So, several of us may have come away from that year of school with a dislike of red hair and freckles.


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ASDMommyASDKid
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29 Jun 2012, 7:04 am

Our son has had kids ignore him at the park and not want to play with him at recess. It makes me feel terrible. He doesn't know to feel bad about it. he just feels confused, right now. I know it is coming, and I dread it.

I am so sorry.



MMJMOM
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29 Jun 2012, 7:12 am

see, I am that parent who would go to that group of kids and ask in a loud voice, "WHO are you calling a weiro??? I KNOW you werent talking about MY son! And where are your parents??"

I have no patience for kids like this, and if there are no parents interveing, I will get right in their face. I dont care if they are 4 or7 or waht, there is NO excuse for being rude to another person. I wouldnt allow my son to talk that way and I wont stand for it from other kids.


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29 Jun 2012, 8:20 am

My son was known as the "crazy kid." It almost killed me when I heard one call him that when we were shopping one day. But before I could blow my top, my son said, "I'm not crazy, I just have autism." And the other kid said, "oh, is that all it is." And then it was over. I was so proud I cried!



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30 Jun 2012, 12:31 am

With that age group I wouldn't have had any problems going over to the group and saying, "it really isn't nice to say that someone is weird." And then maybe I'd engage them in a discussion about how everyone is different, and that keeps the world interesting. Or about how different people face different challenges, and it isn't fair to make them feel bad about them ...

The kids at my son's elementary school were absolutely NOT allowed to talk like that about my son, or about the much more severely autistic kids at school. The whole school culture was about accepting differences, and the kids really took it all to heart. We were so very lucky.

I think kids just do what they see other kids do. They accept teachable moments.


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AspergianMutantt
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30 Jun 2012, 10:21 am

Teach him to cut right to the chase.

Hello, want to play?
Or
Just play and see if they want to join in.

And to otherwise Ignore rude comments.

Much of our world is based on appearances. so if he appears to be someone that would be fun to get to know and play with they will tend to gravitate more to him so it will become more of him accepting or rejecting the social offers. next time you go out to the parks or the like try dressing him in something fun and extrovert looking. (doesn't hurt to try).



Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 01 Jul 2012, 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

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01 Jul 2012, 5:46 am

victorytea wrote:
Today I took Caleb to a playground, he turned 7 yesterday. He approached a group of boys ,his approximate age, and told them he would like them to meet his dad. I sat, observing the interaction, and one boy said "you're a weirdo" and another added " I've seen him before and he is weird". My son came to me with his chin hanging and related what happened. I told him to ignore the mean boys comments. It absolutely broke my heart to see him rejected this way. I hope there is something I can do besides directing him to ignore. I think he took it better than I did and believe that he wanted the boys to meet me so that I could "soften" the interaction and, maybe. prevent rejection. It didn't work. He is the sweetest boy alive and I love him dearly- how can I help?


Unfortunately, sweet doesn't get you friends. Nor does nice. It certainly helps to be a nice person in the pursuit of friends, but friend acquisition is not based on the merit of sweetness or niceness.

This is how children initiate a friendship. They approach the other children and say "What are you playing?" "Can I play" or make a fairly random comment that invokes the interest of other children. For example, a four year old might tell another four year old "I can count to 100."

Your son needs to explicitly be taught how to socialize. So I suggest you observe other children his age, take notes, and relay them to him.



victorytea
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01 Jul 2012, 1:06 pm

After much consideration to the worthy relies I've received, I've decided that we will encourage Caleb to begin playing by himself (while at the playground) and to invite any child who may be showing interest in play by asking if they want to teeter totter etc. My wife and I are going to do some role playing as well to assist him in interacting most effectively. I thank all who contributed to , and helped me through a difficult time. Caleb seems to be doing quite well with the occurrence and shows no signs of diminished self esteem. Thanks again.



momsparky
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01 Jul 2012, 1:15 pm

One thing I would add: does Caleb have any special interests yet? These can be a great way to find social connections for kids: often, there is some kind of fan club for whatever it is, and you can try to get them involved. Often kids with the same interest are more tolerant of a "quirky" kid.