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collegeuser
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04 Jul 2012, 12:24 am

I've had a number of issues for years. Most of them center around poor social skills. There is one group of friends that I've known for a while that I've recently become more close to. I couldn't be more elated. We will soon become even more close because I'm transferring to their college.

However there is one situation that puts this state of utopia in danger...being around other people. When my friends and I are by ourself, everything is great. But when we are around more people, whether its people coming to their house, or a party or hanging out at the bars, it usually causes more harm then good. Don't get me wrong, I like doing things with other people, I just am not able to function as well.

The friends will focus on other people (to be expected) so I am forced to as well. But I'm not as good at it as they are so I end up being isolated even in a crowd. This problem is magnified if the people are of the opposite sex (I'm a guy). What can I do?



collegeuser
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04 Jul 2012, 12:39 pm

Anyone want to chime in?



Blixten
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05 Jul 2012, 2:17 pm

I want to chime in, although I don't know what that means. I thought chimes were the sound bells make :) Anyway! I read your post yesterday and couldn't think of a good answer, but since no else has either I'll give it a try.

It's awesome about your friends, it's a great feeling to be part of a group isn't it? Okay, I too used to have a problem with large groups, I ended up saying the wrong thing and stuff like that... I tried to hard. It's difficult. Is the problem you have related to shyness? I would recommend alcohol, but that is not a good solution of course :D . You don't have to talk to everyone, and if there is someone else in the group who isn't completely participating in the conversation, you can talk to them. That's what I do. Speaking to many people at once can be tough, sometimes you can be left out of the conversation. When that happens, just look happy and laugh when they are, follow what is being said. Look alive, you know. If you "give up" and start looking around or whatever, people won't try to include you because you won't look as if you want to be included. If you know what I mean, sometimes it's hard to get my point across while using the english language. Oh, and remember that you don't have to be super social with everyone in large groups, I found that no one thinks less of you for not being in the center of what's happening. It's pretty socially accepted to be in the background, so you don't have to feel bad.

I'm sorry I can't give better advice, I wanted to but now it seems like I suck at it :)