Having a weird crush

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Hi.
I dont actually even know why am I writing this.. Just a random need to vent i think .
I just dont know what to do.

Well. First. I dont usually easily fall for anyone. Like really. Am 18 and i have only had few little crushes before my boyfriend.

Second. I have a boyfriend and I really want to be with him.

Third. I dont even know this person.

But the problem is.
I met a girl today, she's same age as me, NT, loud and more like a "rough b***h" when im just a shy and quiet, avoidant..
Ive spent a day with that girl and her friends.
She havent talked to me much, just few words.
But only just a moment ago i realized; i cant keep my eyes off of that girl. Like really. I find myself staring her all the time, listening to her every word, her voice.. Everything she does. And whats weird: even laughing at things she says. I dont really laugh much. Almost at all.

I feel so confused. Now i hid into my room, i feel like crying, panicing, raging... I want to scream, throw things and just hide forever.
I feel so guilty and like a bad, bad person... My boyfriend is possessive, jealous, i know he'd be so angry if he knew.
I just dont know.
And the thing is.
I need to spend this whole WEEK with that girl and her friends....
Like really what am i supposed to do..
I dont wanna be a bad person.
I really do... Love, my boyfriend.
I dont want to hurt him.
Am confused of my feelings like really..
I feel so. Weird.
Oh gosh..
What can i do to just forget her already??
This is the first day of SEVEN days i need to spend in her company,,,

Having a crush is a weird state of mind and I don't think it's always about falling in love with someone. It's really just an obsession with another person. The question is, why are you so focused on this person?

There have been times when I have become utterly fascinated by a person and I think this often comes when that person poses a mystery that I need to solve. In your case, is it possible that this girl behaves in a way that you wish you could? There may be something about her that, at some unconscious level, you recognize as either something you want to be or something you want to avoid, and you are fascinated by her, not out of love, but out of a need to comprehend her behavior.

From what you describe, it doesn't sound like this is anything odd. You just need to see your reaction from a different point of view. I suspect you are just trying to understand this person and you are mistaking your fascination as being some kind of infidelity. It doesn't sound like anything to worry about.

Get to know her. Allow yourself to be interested in her. But don't assume that because you are strongly fascinated, that your reaction is the same as what you feel for your boyfriend.

It's OK to have crushes, if that's what it is. Sometimes I think that for people who are a little socially awkward, when we encounter people who are the opposite of that, a sort of fascination can occur. Perhaps it's more about wanting to be her than be with her, just to see things the way she does. I don't really have crushes, but I've had the odd fascination with other women who were very different to me and once had a very erotic dream about a girl I was working with. It didn't mean that I wanted to go to bed with her, or that I was being unfaithful to my boyfriend. There is absolutely no reason for your boyfriend to know everything that goes on in your head, we are all entitled to our own inner lives.

I don't know you or your boyfriend, but I must admit that jealousy and possessiveness rings a few alarm bells with me. I hope he gets over it.

That's definitely not a good sign and seems like these crushes are unhealthy and could jeopardize your relationship with your boyfriend. I think you should make it clear to your boyfriend if you have stronger feelings for someone else otherwise you are cheating yourself and you are cheating him.

i don't understand my feelings, i just don't KNOW what i am feeling. Am confused. That's all i can name. And well yeah, interested in that girl, But i don't know why, why now, why her.. I don't normally have crushes, ever. I'm not really into other people than my family, boyfriend and best friend. Well. She has started to talk to me... Kinda a lot. And that doesn't help my already confused feelings. I get so freaking shy it gets hard to even answer.. And also i don't even WANT to. But still somehow i do want to know more. And at the same time i just want her to go away... But she's so nice to me. Urgh.. It's so WEIRD. I just DON'T KNOW. Anything.. I'm not cheating... And i will not. Never. I just feel so guilty.. Like I'm bad, and naughty, waiting for someone to get very angry...

Well, everyone can feel a bit jealous at times. I fully admit that if I found out that my boyfriend had a crush on another woman, I'd be a bit jealous. But there's no reason for anger or making one feel like a horrible, bad person for having a crush! That crosses a line, definitely. Do you feel like you will be forced to tell him about this crush, that your guilt will overwhelm you unless you tell him?

If you are not cheating and will never cheat, why are you so worried? Does your boyfriend say things to you to make you feel this way? You should not stress yourself out so badly because of some little crush.

I'm a little concerned for you. Maybe your boyfriend is a great man otherwise but I have been with someone who is very manipulative and controlling and kept me feeling very guilty about simple things no one else would ever think twice about. It almost broke my mind after a while and I'm still struggling to function in a different way after enduring so many years of that type of treatment. Your post set off those alarm bells for me, and I truly hope that you are not going through a similar situation as I did. ((hugs))

well i just can't help it.. He always says "you're MINE" and something like no one else is allowed to touch me and also if I talk about someone he says "I'm gonna kick his/her ass, no one touches my girl" even if they don't even touch me. But it's just because he likes me. It's not that bad. I just really want to forget this girl, everything about her. I don't knowww... I feel a need to be honest and Tell him But am scared

Are you really considering being with this boyfriend of yours when quite clearly he is controlling?
Just seems to me that he is quite the type to lash out at whoever if he's not getting his way.
I doubt it's a crush, more of an interest.