I don't have a diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure I'm an aspie. About six months ago I jokingly told a friend that women make me feel autistic after another failed attempt at initiating a relationship. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't joking. In the last year, five beautiful girls (four of them are models) have made it clear they were interested in me and I've managed to screw it up with all of them.
Making eye contact used to make me uncomfortable, so I didn't do it. When I was 17 my best friend's dad told me that people wouldn't respect or trust me if I didn't look at them when I talked, so I forced myself to do it. Now it isn't uncomfortable, but I sometimes don't do it right (people think I'm staring). Also, if a boss is giving me complex verbal instructions, I don't make eye contact because it distracts me from focusing on what the person is telling me. This has caused one boss to get angry and generally respect me less.
I almost never notice flirting unless it's extremely obvious. I can't count the number of times a friend has told me that I was being flirted with and I had no idea.
As a kid I always talked to/hung around the adults at gatherings. I wasn't comfortable with most other kids.
I used to really dislike being touched by most people and certain textures made me nauseous (i.e. sunscreen). I'm mostly over that, but when women touch me while flirting, if I don't see it coming (for example, walk up behind me and touch my back), it's still very uncomfortable and I immediately pull away. Appearing to be repulsed by a woman's touch kind of puts a damper on flirting.
I have no idea how other people percieve me unless they tell me or are generally very obvious about liking/disliking me.
My natural facial expression is completely neutral. I don't smile unless I have something specific to be smiling about (a joke, thinking about a girl I like, etc.). As a result, people usually think I'm angry or upset even when I'm not.
I don't generally like small talk and I don't attempt to engage in it unless I particularly like the person. I think this causes a lot of people to think I'm mean or unfriendly.
Every single friend I have is someone who forced me to interact with them for some reason (i.e. curiosity about the quiet, mysterious guy) or someone who I had to interact with because of work or school. I don't think I really know how to develop a relationship with someone.
I'm 27 and I've only dated two girls for a combined total of two years of my life. Those relationships occurred seven years apart (when I was 19 and 26). I've never been on a single date outside those two relationships. I don't think I'm capable of dating the way most people do and I'm not interested in being in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone.
I develop intense interests in topics, like cosmology, neurology, philosophy of mind, food and cooking (I'm a chef), history and ancient civilizations, graphic novels/comics. Luckily most of my interests are just geeky/academic and nothing too unusual, like washing machines.
Social interaction can be really draining. I can handle bars, but I hate most clubs. Recently I went to a gay bar for the first time with some friends and had to actively suppress panic (this rarely happens to me). Not because of the gay people, but because it's everything I hate about clubs taken to the extreme.
I'm clumsy. I walk into things a lot. When I was a kid my mom worried that someone was abusing me. I just had bruises all over from walking into tables, chairs, walls, etc.
People used to constantly comment that I was either too loud or too quiet when speaking. That hasn't happened much recently, but I still get comments that I mumble.
I get bouts of depression, I think usually caused by social isolation or rejection. I've also gotten really depressed over perceived rejection only to find out I completely misunderstood what happened.
I'm pretty sure I have alexythmia.
I'm very detail oriented to the point that my boss has told me I'm anal. For example, if something is supposed to be small diced or brunoised and someone just minces it I tend to get really annoyed
I get more work done than any of my coworkers because I tend to get hyperfocused. I can socialize fairly normally, but not while working. Socializing takes too much effort and concentration and I choose to focus on my job instead. Another reason why people who don't see me outside work tend to think I'm unfriendly.
Anyway, those are the primary reasons I think I'm an aspie. Feel fee to give me your feedback.
12 Jul 2012, 2:57 am
