Should I Target Older or Younger Women?

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I am 29 years old and have never been in a relationship or kissed a girl. In fact, I've only ever had one real life date (with another 29 year old) to which apparently she didn't share the same feelings I did (I saw strong compatibilities and I am rather fussy). My question to the WP community is this: should I target younger or older women?

I have always felt that I should target 25 +- 3 years because of my relative emotional immaturity. My maturity level would be on par (or slightly below) a woman at this age or so I reasoned. However, after months of doing online dating I was SHOCKED at how immature and superficial most at this age group were. For example, few seemed interested in anything except my height and all openly admitted a man must be taller than them. Most of them are still into the partying/bad boy phase even though some were approaching 30. My co-workers have always told me I would be better suited to a woman around 32-34 instead because they are not into the 'bad boys' or players and know what they want out of life and appreciate men like myself as stable, loyal and family oriented. As well, their intelligence would be much closer to mine as I have an intellect that's years ahead of my age group. However, it's quite obvious that almost all women at that age are experienced with men. As much as I could try to hide it, there would be no way around the fact that I am completely inexperienced with intimacy and women. I'm a quick learner but that doesn't change the fact I'm going to be VERY awkward in that situation at first to the point it would probably scare many women away before giving me a chance to 'catch up'. I should also add that getting experience is not an option. I have zero interest in a one night stand or an escort service and must know, trust and respect someone first. In other words, I don't (or should I say won't) take any pleasure in it unless the woman truly desires to do it and is enjoying it.

What is your advice? Of course I'm keeping my options open to all reasonable ages but its become apparent I need to focus in on a particular age group. What age do you think would be ideal for an Aspie like myself? It would probably best to look for friends first and not rush things but even if they've known me for a long time they will still be in for a shock if the feelings ever advanced.

The older ones. If you're so caring and intelligent, you stand a much better chance with them.

The older ones, they aren't as agile thus making them easier prey.

In seriousness, younger if you want to want to build on your experience. And older women if you want to settle down with the first person you meet and are not up for as much emotional hurt as almost all relationships come with.

I'm not sure that 'targeting' is quite the right word, that makes it sound a bit like you are planning to murder them, not date them!

I think you are quite right about broadening the age range, and it might well be worthwhile considering women who are a little older than you. Try and keep an open mind of course, as not all younger women are immature, and not all older women are mature. Personally, I think the best idea is to be as open minded as possible about as many things as possible - sometimes we are looking for one thing when what we need (and ultimately end up with) is someone or something quite different.

There may well be other women who are in a similar situation as you with regards to experience, but like you they are probably not advertising it. I hope you find the right partner for you.

Hang on a minute... not all younger women are immature!
Some are actually much more mature for their age.

As you've found, age is not an assured predictor of maturity.

I have def heard the same story before with girls and height. A lot of girls don't like to be taller than their boyfriend, especially in heels.

Thank you for the responses.

Maybe that's a cultural issue because I never made that connection. Thanks for pointing that out.

I appreciate the advice given to me here. I certainly respect the idea that this is a ridiculous generalization (like NT/AS can be) but it has been my experience that the few women who appear to be mature really turn out not to be (like that 21 year old I mention previously: she's mature with children and the general public but is very immature with men). Maybe I'm just having bad luck so while I'll never ignore younger women I have to admit it's hard to consider it worth the effort at this point.

I think the general consensus is that I need to stop thinking in terms of older/younger and just let things happen. Yes, most women I meet seem to be poor relationship material but all I need is one and I'll probably find her in the weirdest place. It's similar to how I tried to lose body fat for years and never made much progress. I said "F it!" about 6 months ago and strangely enough have lost close to 15lbs and have never felt stronger. Bottom line: like anything in life I am my own worst enemy because I constantly over-think everything I do. The girl of my dreams could have walked past me and I didn't notice her because I've already decided she's yet another immature party girl. If a girl really clicks she probably won't even notice or care that I'm inexperienced just the same I don't even notice someone's skin or eye color. If they don't want to take the time to accept me for who I am than it's pointless to even think about them because they obviously aren't relationship material.

Good point, Silky. I read the subject heading, and while I got the intention OP, it did sound a little...predatory. I'm not saying it was, only that it might be perceived that way, if that's the mindset you're actually in when you seek these women out.

That aside, older might be the way to go. More and more, older women are willing accept younger men without much experience. In the last year alone, I've been friends (or related) to five women over the age of 35 that wanted younger men, because (generally) they are often bringing less baggage with them on an emotional level. They understand this might mean less experience in other areas as well, but are willing to help in that regard to be in a long term relationship with a nice guy.

Am I saying all women under 30 (or even 25) are immature? Definitely not, as I've always been older than my age would indicate, but I've seen the trend you mentioned as someone who has worked in colleges for over ten years.

Perhaps you could find a woman who's a bit or a lot younger who's been hurt by bad-boys or has some kinds of emotional or other issues or things she's dealing with & would appreciate having a stable loyal guy. Someone like that may admire your intelligence too

That's kind of the zen of it all! When you least expect it.

Or . . . or precisely because of your weak points which aren't weak points at all but just different life experience.

I would really, in zen turnaround fashion, be open to the idea that inexperience is actually a strength, is selling point.

And then maybe something like, "I'm a responsible light drinker and I liked the campy Pinata: Survival Island." So, I will occasionally have a beer or one glass of vine, very occasionally two. That's responsible, I'm proud of it, but really is rather boring. Something quirky and offbeat, like liking a particular bad movie precisely because it is a bad movie, is much more interesting.

And we Aspies had loads of quirky and offbeat qualities.

With Internet dating, I think both women and men are looking at the left-brain 'perfect' traits. Like women looking for a Ken doll. Or Dr. Beverly Crusher on the holodeck making an Irish poet two inches taller. I think Internet dating has major limitations because of this.

So, think kayak club, provided you like kayaking. Community theater, provided you like acting and theater. Maybe getting involved this political season, yep, you guessed it, provided you like politics.

So something you enjoy anyway and then if you meet someone it's a happy bonus. That is, casually run multiple tracks without thinking about it too much, and maybe the Internet can be one of these tracks.

Two bits of advice if you don't mind.

It's okay to kiss her before you tell her you're on the spectrum. But try and tell her before the two of you actually sleep together (both the sex and the relationship will be much better!).

And, in a relationship, remember to take alone time for yourself. I personally kind of need my long walks in order to emotionally process.

An older woman might be more patient/tolerant when you have shut outs or shut downs. Younger women might want more attention, affection, etc...that some Aspie guys are able to show.