Being Made to Lie

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When I was a child I got blamed for many things I did not do. I had a reputation for being a very bad kid although I was generally very well behaved. I guess I was very strange and people assumed that if you did strange things then you had bad motives. I was often asked why/if I did things and whenever I told the truth I got yelled at for lying. So I learned to lie about everything. Most of the lies in my life have been to make myself look normal, even if they made me look bad. I never liked doing it and it bothers me that I had to lie so much about things that should have been trivial to avoid being punished and socially ostracized. I was taught to lie.

My mother pretty much ruined her relationship with me in this way. I had a lot of problems when I was younger and I was even suicidal when I was 8, but she was one of those parents who thought that my autistic behaviors came from naughty motives, so she constantly berated me about natural behaviors when I desperately needed help. I have never trusted her emotionally again, although she has improved a lot. She is one of those people who won't do anything unless it's socially acceptable. Before she knew about autism I was a freak to be fixed, but after she found out that there was a name for my condition she acted much nicer. But like I said, it has been more than a decade since I have been able to trust her.

I'm wondering how many other people have similar experiences?

Your mother is awful. She does not deserve to be let off the hook. Chances are, she would make the same mistake again. She should have known never to make assumptions about ANYONE. As for the lying thing, what she did was abuse, plain and simple. The yelling at you for being you and the transferring her fear of people to you besides was just childish. There are a lot of childish parents out there.

I have always disagreed with the theory of making children apologise when they are not sorry. I never expected my daughter to do anything like that. How can parents expect truth if they don't listen to their children.

I am grateful that my husband and I have always been accepting of our daughter (recently diagnosed with ASD aged 16 years) we would have been devastated if she had ever felt we didn't approve of her in any way. Difference is what makes our world so amazing.

It is very sad that your Mum put other people's opinions first, but she is the one missing out. She is missing out on the beautiful child she brought into the world. My Mother is missing out on my life too, I was never good enough so I have some idea of how you feel.

Don't let it stop you!!

Not to that level, but yes, I had some of the same problems. When I said things that were hurtful, my mother always assumed I meant exactly that and that I was just about bipolar, sweet one minute and a demon the next. I still default to the truth, but I learned that sometimes the truth isn't going to work for some reason, so sometimes you've got to lie to survive.

Now she knows I'm autistic and that's what was going on when I was "being horrible." I've been vindicated, and it allowed us both to forgive and become closer. Although I still wonder how on earth she never noticed I was different and took me to a therapist of some kind.

Lying to protect a better image of yourself or lying to save yourself the hassle of anything that someone else is doing> yes, coz sometimes if not most of the time, us humans give out the tendency to shield ourselves from so much from life hurt and pain, that we end up getting stuck by lying about it, then even when good fortune comes tapping on your door, you still end up in a state of disbelief and woe, so you cant believe a truth within a lie. Suspicion, is ultimately the reason that makes honest people do honest fibbing for themselves or others.
Nowadays, people use it as a tool, to make them appear more feeling and unassuming of others but deep within themselves they know they've got a lot to hide or run away from.

NTs too learn that they very often have to lie to stay out of trouble even when they've done nothing wrong. It's hard for NTs too to learn this aspect of getting along in society, and it takes an effort and investment from them too to think what the best lie is in a certain situation. They too would much rather tell the truth and be done with it. It's a price we all pay in society, not only aspies.

I went through exactly the same thing. My mom has this tendency to turn whatever problem there is into this huge deal. It's so stressful so often I just lie about a problem not to have her rant on for an hour.

And there have been so many instances throughout my entire life where people asked me why I did something, and when I explained they didn't understand, said I was imagining things or literally calling me a liar.
So I just started lying everywhere to avoid people making comment #1008763876 of how weird I am and how I should act "normal."

Me and my mother would lie to each other all the time. In fact, It got so bad that we could no longer tell who was telling the truth.