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throat
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17 Jul 2012, 12:39 pm

How am i meant to find a boyfriend when i even struggle to make hetro friends of any gender? Being gay obviously limits your chances as homo people are such a small persentage of the population anyway. I'm 24 and as far as i know ive only met one other gay person in my whole life and we didnt speak much.

.....meh



SilkySifaka
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17 Jul 2012, 2:42 pm

Have you tried online? I know a couple who met online and they have been together for 7 years now. They were both from very small towns where there was not much opportunity to meet people. Online can be ideal for people with Aspergers too as we often come over better in writing than we do in person, especially with a new person.



Waffle88
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18 Jul 2012, 9:40 pm

If you live in a large enough city, you could join some groups for gay people. If your newspaper doesn't have a list, you could try meetup dot com.



visagrunt
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19 Jul 2012, 11:30 am

It seems to me that the bigger issue is friends--not a boyfriend. That's not to say that a boyfriend isn't important, but friends are even moreso.

The best suggestion that I can make is to start doing the things that interest you with other people who are interested in the same things. In any large city, there will probably even be a group of gay men getting together to do those things. Once you start to crack the "friend" conundrum, the boyfriend conundrum should start to resolve itself.


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throat
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20 Jul 2012, 11:34 am

Waffle88 wrote:
If you live in a large enough city


Nope, I'm in a small village. I guess thats it then huh?



Smoores
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20 Jul 2012, 2:26 pm

heya, im simon, i live in a reasonably small town there is literally no social events for anyone under the age of 80 haha, anyways online is a great place to mee new people you would be surprised how genuinly friednyl peopel are, however do be careful, dont commit to meeting people before you know them a little, for instance multiple pictures confirming they are who they are is a must, otherwise just have a good time, i myself find it alot easier to communicate online, pressures such as eye contact etc are not a problem, but rember to always be safe and dont feel pressured.



Waffle88
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20 Jul 2012, 6:31 pm

throat wrote:
Waffle88 wrote:
If you live in a large enough city


Nope, I'm in a small village. I guess thats it then huh?


Uh oh, how small? Are dating sites still an option?

And as a side note, getting more gay friends can help you meet a boyfriend. They're worth it even if you don't. I know it's hard to make gay friends because there's fewer of us, but it's worth it if you can even have a few.



BorgPrince
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21 Jul 2012, 2:18 pm

You could always trying converting one of the guys in your village. :twisted:



throat
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21 Jul 2012, 7:15 pm

BorgPrince wrote:
You could always trying converting one of the guys in your village. :twisted:



........and how do i do that?



BorgPrince
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21 Jul 2012, 8:56 pm

throat wrote:
BorgPrince wrote:
You could always trying converting one of the guys in your village. :twisted:



........and how do i do that?


You can't, as far as I know. Just wishful thinking.

Though there are those who claim they know the secrets of the male psyche and how to bring his inner gay out. 8O



Mus
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25 Jul 2012, 11:45 am

You cannot convert anyone to homosexuality any more than you can convert them to left-handedness...



SanityTheorist
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30 Jul 2012, 5:28 pm

I have heard gay bars are good way of meeting people for dating purposes...I would recommend forming a friendship with them first and seeing how much compatibility there is first for obvious reasons. And no sex until then haha.


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salem44dream
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10 Aug 2012, 10:02 pm

Gay bars have always been a really difficult environment for me, I think I must go into "deer caught in the headlights" mode as soon as I walk in, because I can't interact with anyone at all.

Don't give up, though, because you're in a small village! People are right when they say online has opened up new opportunities not just for NT gays that live in rural areas, but for gay aspies as well. It's possible that you might get to know someone that way, even for a friendship, that doesn't live an impossible distance away.

That's what I'm planning on doing next. Even though I live in a large urban area, I have trouble not only with gay bars, but even things like gay volleyball and gay running clubs. I just don't know how to interact with gay NTs in the "right" way. But I'm going to try meetup.com to see if there are specifically gay social groups that are for aspies.



SanityTheorist
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10 Aug 2012, 10:11 pm

salem44dream, since you've been to gay bars before and I haven't, how accurate are the stereotypes?


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salem44dream
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11 Aug 2012, 8:20 pm

SanityTheorist wrote:
salem44dream, since you've been to gay bars before and I haven't, how accurate are the stereotypes?


I think I'm the wrong person to answer that -- the times I've been to gay bars I think I saw things through my own "filters." Such as constantly thinking, "No one's interested in me," alternating with, "That guy looking at me thinks I'm weird." Only twice have I actually approached guys and asked them out, and those dates went badly. I can only say the "stereotype" of guys just being there for sex seemed true for me in those two cases, which isn't saying much.

For me the stereotype of a gay bar is a place where everyone is looking at everyone else so critically that I feel like they want me to leave because I have no fashion sense, am awkward at conversation and can't make much eye contact, etc. I'm beginning to think that stereotype isn't accurate either, rather it's the way I'm filtering the experience.