Online Relationships: Are you in one?

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After reading the thread on how people have met their partners I'm wondering who here is in a relationship that started through the internet. Is it easier for people with autism/aspergers to do it that way?

I think it's a very 21st century thing that lots of people, particularly the older generations, will be quick to criticise. That whole "How can you love someone you haven't met?" thing or "How do you know it's real?" thing people might ask.

So, does anyone here have a relationship that started online? How did it happen? How is it going now? Has anyone ever not quite understood why you'd have an online relationship? Is it an easier way for someone with not-so-good social skills to find love?



My story: I have a girlfriend I met on a forum. It's very serious. I live in the UK and she lives in Australia. After a certain point she knew she wanted to come here for me (which I thought was so, so romantic) and we're both very socially awkward, reserved people, so I guess this was the best, perhaps only, way we'd ever be able to become romantically close to somebody.
The weird thing about it is it's actually a completely new and backwards way to do things. Normally you meet someone and then get closer and closer, so imagine meeting someone for the first time and already being in love and in a relationship. It sounds weird and makes me nervous... just thinking of going through those little steps again... dating someone who is already my girlfriend... being blessed with having to go through that exciting, shy beginning time twice!
I really don't know how else I could possibly get this close to someone. The internet is a good way of getting to know someone and bonding without having to be chucked into those daunting social environments. It's where people can get to know your personality first and understand you.
It's something I wouldn't want to tell my family about until she's actually here, though. I want to be taken seriously. Somehow I feel it'd be a bit more difficult for older people to understand how a relationship through the internet can actually happen and be serious. I don't think people realise people are different. We all have different ways of communicating and you can't judge how two people have fallen in love. As long as it's real and it's going somewhere, then it's perfectly fine.

Has anyone else been in something similar? Were you ever insecure when you finally met that they'd suddenly not like you?

No not in one-have tried failed and still pretty frustrated and wondering if it will ever happen for me.

I am in a relationship that started on the internet. I think it is easier for any socially restricted people to start relationships that way. I don't know if I have Asperger's but I do have social anxiety and Avoidant Personality disorder and I don't think starting a relationship offline would have ever worked out for me because of how shy I am. Having begun one online, I was able to communicate better, too, as written communication is easier for me, I tend to balk at conversations in person.



Some people do criticise, when I had my first online relationship I was told by others that it wasn't real and wouldn't work out, even I didn't feel like it was real. The love I had was distant and the relationship was closer to a fantasy than reality. My current relationship is very different, I began it doubting that I could feel love but only shortly thereafter found myself completely smitten with him. This time when I talked to others about my online relationship they were happy for me, they saw how it affected me, one friend even said that normally she would have been against it but this one just seemed right. (She's 65, definitely of an older generation.)



I was lurking on WP reading posts when I came across some by a man who was single and looking for a partner he wanted to take care of. I considered him sweet and suitable for me, and I had been wondering whether to enter the world of dating. His having Asperger's, even undiagnosed, meant that he would have a perception of difference and be able to relate to me. I became interested in him and stalked his posts for two weeks. Finally in an odd moment for myself, I took a chance and PMed him telling him as much about myself as I could think of, listing my disabilities, my strangeness, my interests and my beliefs. I told him I hoped I hadn't scared him away. Apparently, I did not.

Our relationship is going well, we've been together 4 months now, plus a few days, and we still haven't scared each other away. We have even met in person, we spent 19 days together offline. I am very much in love with him and wouldn't trade him for the world. We've had our difficulties, but they are to be expected in any relationship. When we were in person I was almost entirely withdrawn, I am not used to having such little time to myself and definitely not used to asking for it. I have a lot to learn about being in a relationship since I have never been in one offline before. Also, I have multiple emotional disorders which cause me to question and doubt and think negative thoughts but I am blessed to have a boyfriend who still wants to be with me even knowing these things about me. He's said he'll stand by me, and I'm devoted to him.



Yes, I was insecure about that. I do not appear to be the same person offline that I am online, I thought he wouldn't like the real me and that he wouldn't like the way I looked, which is a different subject altogether, but it did make me feel even more uncertain of how it would turn out. I was also afraid that I would suddenly not like him. That I would reject him for some reason after we met. That definitely did not happen. Meeting in person did change our relationship, it is less idealized and more based in reality. We've seen each other the way we really are, and we accept each other.

The internet is an easy way to meet people... yes. You have more people to potentially meet online from anywhere in the world than locally. That's a lot of potential people to meet and date that you "meet" online. There are downsides, though.

With internet people, you know about them only what they tell you.

If you know them online, at least talk to them on the phone and video chat on Skype.

Otherwise, hot girl on some site could be a 50 year old hairy man... and a man could really be some bored woman somewhere. Someone online might seem smart online, and seem like an idiot offline. Or vice versa. Their online personality might be charming, but they might have anger problems in person. You never know unless you're met them. Maybe they're a "fun" personal online, while offline they're some slob weeping. That's the problem with the internet-- you just don't know.

In person, you know their personalities and behaviors over the long-term. Some people you like online, but don't "click" with offline-- or vice versa. Phone calls and video chatting at least helps you really know their personalities more than texting/typing. The next step is of course meeting.

A true friend is someone you call at 2 a.m., and someone who can drag your drunk self home from a bar. Internet people can't prove themselves like that without meeting. I wouldn't call a long-distance date who I had never met my wife/husband. People have to have some combination of chemistry, intelligence, and personality.

Relationships are solidified in person over the long-term. They can start online, but meeting at some point is a must.

Hope you can meet the girl soon.

(Thread moved from Autism discussion to L&D)

My longest relationship was with someone I met on a forum, but we weren't dating until we met in person. I do not think I could say I was in a relationship with someone I had not met in person. More often than not I have "gotten to know" someone a bit online, then met them and they are not what I expected. I wouldn't trust that someone I chatted to for 10 years online would be what I expected if I met them.

So I think meeting someone online is great, it's my preferred method of meeting people, but I would need to met them in person as well before I knew if I was actually attracted to them.

That is definitely true, you can't really tell who someone is by just talking on the internet because so many other factors come in to play as such as physical chemistry, body language and tonality. They might not be important factors for two people on the spectrum but communication and understanding are still as just as important.

I'm currently in a relationship with someone I met online, we're both Aspies and we met here. I don't think there's any other way we could have possibly met, even when you ignore the fact that she's in the UK and I'm in the US.

I think that the Internet has been a tremendous asset for people like us in this regard...

I'm not in one. Have been in the past. As a teen I found it great cos I frankly had no confidence at all. But these days I would find it very "frustrating"
The Internet has been a big helping hand for many to find love and that is wonderful. If the right girl comes along online I would definitely consider an online relationship again.

Tried long-distance relationships. They were useless because all I wanted was casual sex.

Until you meet someone in person, for all you know they are obese unemployed 52 year olds living in their mother's basement who don't shower, and they are just really good at talking.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_(film)

I've been in 2 and both ended but for different reasons.

First one: I lived in the UK and he lived in Perth, Australia (from a forum). This relationship lasted about 2 and a half years, including the long distance time, which was over a year with 3 long trips in the middle. Anyway, I was really worried that he wouldn't like me because I'm a little different in real life. I'm able to talk more online and I open up more with written communication. It turned out we weren't really that compatible, but I was stupid and I could have seen that from the start. He was too social for me (even though he acted like a nerd online) and I kept feeling too pressured to live up to it. Eventually it ended because something happened to me which I won't discuss here and which I never told him about, but it made me close off from him even more than usual and he wanted someone who could go out all the time (we never lived together). But something good came of it: I discovered Perth, Australia and now I never want to live anywhere else. =)

The second one (online game) was never willing to go any further and was pessimistic about long distance relationships.

I would never do long distance again mainly because I'm completely unwilling to move from Perth, however I know a couple who are getting married and they live in separate countries so I know it works. I will do online ones because it's easier to open up and get to know each other, but only if they live in the same city as me. I definitely think this style works best for me, because in real life I always scare them away with my lonerness.

I have a really good friend in another country and I met her twice. And yes, she and another online friend dragged my super drunk self back at 2am after I'd had 1 and a half drinks, made sure I took out my contact lenses and brushed my teeth (I threw up outside), etc.

Anyway, I definitely do think they can work though, just like with any other relationship... I know people can fall in love over the internet, however weird that might sound. Good luck with your first meeting, I hope it goes amazingly.

Try adultfriendfinder, craigslist, or something similar. Works for me.

It is complicated (partly because of the distance). But yes,
Someone through this site too.

yes, i met my boyfriend here on WP. we have been talking for over a year, and have been officially "an item" for almost a year.

we met in person for a one week stay, and really there weren't any surprises. there are some things that can't be known until you meet in person (i.e. scent, the way their skin feels, how they will react to other people in social situations, etc), but if you have a wide variety of lengthy interactions online, there isn't much that is left to the imagination - especially if you have mutual friends and such.

i will be moving to his country at the end of september. i already possessed a 5 year work visa so it works quite well.

(i've also met up with men i've met on dating and hookup sites, and i haven't been surprised by how they were in real life as compared to online)