Did I do the right thing?

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So I agreed to go to a wedding today, but I was having one of those days where I just cant be around large groups of people.this is not me being selfish,I really don't think I can deal with it.I tried to explain this to my mom when she came to pick me up and she got the most ridiculous amount of attitude with me when I told her this.I finally just slammed the door in her face when she started yelling.The window beside my door was open and she started throwing dirt through it all over my living room! I told her to leave before I called the police.She started yelling and screaming some more and I pulled out my phone and started dialing the police.I started dialing and she quickly ran away and drove off in her truck.I really don't get this.I was freaking reasonable and calm and she just freaks out.

Wow and yes.

You definitely did the right thing. That's just crazy behavior on your mother's part.

Your mother was out of line.

I have done similar things with my outrageous anger (well I haven't thrown dirt all over someone's living room, but I have tried destroying my brothers xbox because he was just being an absolute douche), but I would expect consequences of my behaviour.

I could understand her being mad or even yelling a little but the throwing dirt thing through the window is just ridiculous. I don't even know why people do stuff like that. Is it to lash out in anger or to intimidate the person into doing what they want? I don't know but it makes me want to get away from them and definitely not do what they want.

I agree 100%.I can't remember the last time I lashed out in anger at anyone.I think it was in 2005.I usually run away from these type of situations but I couldn't really do that when its at my house.At this point i'm going to tell her she's not allowed at my house anymore.

She threw dirt into your house? I was going along just fine when you said she was yelling. There are plausible reasons why one might yell in that set of circumstances. But to throw dirt into your living room? You've got to be kidding me. There is no set of reasons (that I can think of) that would excuse this sort of behavior.

So, yes, if she was destroying your property, I would think calling the police was in order.

My only "unless" is if she has some kind of known mental disorder and you could have foreseen that you would set her off and there would have been a better way to handle the situation based on your past experience.

Otherwise...that's just nuts.

Not that I know of she doesn't, she's always been kind of hot headed and easily angered by little things though, although shes not usually that much of a phycopath.

I do hate badmouthing other people's relatives/friends because it's not like me, but is your mum NT or Aspie or something else, because...ahem....I thought NTs had empathy and so could understand how one is feeling.....have I got this right.....?

Actually, not all NTs have empathy. I'd say it's a 50/50 shot when you come right down to it. And for many, they only have empathy when they are not in an state of heightened emotion. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that the ability to empathize goes right out the door as soon as one is angry enough to throw dirt.

Last edited by InThisTogether on 22 Jul 2012, 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She's NT but I have wondered if she is an aspie at times.

It was not until my daughter was diagnosed with ASD that it ever occurred to me that my father is likely AS. It certainly explains a lot of his behavior while I was growing up.

I understand why you were upset, but slamming the door in your mother's face (or anyone's face) is rude...and calling the police was definitely unnecessary.

Police are needed for actual crimes...stopping a holdup, catching a violent criminal/rapist, whatever. Calling them because your mom is throwing mud through the window is selfish and a waste of their time and resources (just close the window!).

(I'm not trying to be mean...just giving my opinion)

Well I always believe that most NTs just have empathy when they want, kind of like ''selective empathy''. And I'm an Aspie but I have just that too. Sometimes I can't always be bothered to empathise, although at the same time I am aware that I am being a bit mean or unempathetic at the time, but everybody's got to be selfish sometimes - not everyone's intentions are always related to how they want one to feel every time. So I think ''lack of empathy'' in Autistics and
''empathy = NT trait'' can be a little overestimated sometimes. I think it is a myth.

1. If you can't handle events like weddings, don't agree to go any more. It just makes people very angry when you back out after agreeing to something. So your mother was justified to be somewhat angry. Also, when you agree to go to such an event, they plan for and pay for meals, and seating for everyone. In essence, you are costing them money that then is wasted if you back out. So either don't agree to go any more, or only cancel for dire emergency type reasons.

2. You should have closed the window to stop the dirt coming in. Although she had some justification for being angry, she was out of line to throw dirt through the window.

3. Only call 911 if someone is doing real damage, or real harm--committing a crime. The dirt thing was a messy nusence and not a serious crime. Don't deprive someone in real danger, of the presence of police, who instead would be responding to "Dirt thrown through window." Doing that could cost lives.

4. If your Mom, or for that matter anyone else is in the habit of such extreme behavior, minimize contact. Don't have them over to the house any more, and don't open the door if they show up uninvited. Just call them once a week or two to see how they are doing, and/or send them an occasional email.

I have relatives who care about me, but stress me out of my mind with "constructive" criticism and other stuff, so I minimize contact with them. I also have a sister-in-law who caused me some major problems a few years ago. I occasionally have to see her at family get-togethers at my parents summer house. I give a polite, civil greeting, and then move on to hang out with other guests, or check out the food, or check out the windows. The view is great, and there are usually birds out there, and sometimes deer, too.

There is no law that says you have to hang out with someone if you don't want to. The exception is if one of you has money or health problems that cause you to have to live together. I now live alone, and never want to live with anyone ever again!

It's up to you to set the rules for what you will put up with, and what you won't--to draw the line. You have the power to limit how much garbage you take from other people. YOU get to choose who you will open the door to. YOU get to choose who you will visit. YOU get to choose who you will call or take calls from, and when. YOU get to choose who you will email, or receive emails from. Dittos for Facebook and all other social sites. YOU also get to choose who you mail letters to, and whose mail you open and read. It's up to YOU to make the right choices on these things. It's really neat, too--think of all that freedom to choose your contact parameters. Now, go and make the right choices for you!

What is the right thing? is there even a right thing?.

Sometimes things happen and you do something, everything sounds a bit crazy and messy for the right thing.

But yeah some bad words, some dirt hey, ill take that any day above when you see people get into fighting and or worse. so yeah might not be right, but its not that bad either.

I know how it is when i was young my mom could also have these kind of meltdowns.

But yeah thats why i dont really wanna go to stuff like that, i dont wanna risk being so tired and pressured in my head that i would end up doing something crazy. But crazy stuff usually happens when i get overloaded.

Im sure everything will be fine again in a couple of days, personally i wouldn call police. One thing is certain family gets alot of slack. we all do stupid things. Thats just how life is. Best we can do is learn from it. I think you both learned something.

Personally there is much point in thinking to much about what already happened, you can change it anyways, best way is just to deal with it and go from there now.

If i was you, i would just say no next time, i would rather have said no to something that i might have been able to go to. And instead avoid these kind of messy situations.

If normal people wanna know how hard it is to go to places with a lot of people i usually tell them to try and run naked downtown. thats hard i have it by having to go outside or big gathering of people, not to mention i gain nothing from it, than being so mentally tired ill sleep the next 2 days, before my head is recovered.