unwillingness to change lifestyle for a mate

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I thought you actually meant a *little* tummy, as in small. Wow. Fail me. I don't see why that really bothered her, lol.

All I'm saying is her being 50 years old and not attractive herself doesn't really mean anything. I'm sure even Brad Pitt has been shot down by women he wasn't even that attracted to. We've all been there It's an ego hit

This thread has made me realize my relationship with my BF will absolutely not work

Last edited by digital_eve on 05 Aug 2012, 6:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

yeah, i am moving long distance and my boyfriend and i have identified that exact issue. he and i agreed that establishing a new social network will be my priority soon after arrival. i want to make sure our relationship stays as healthy as possible, so i need to ensure i am not 100% dependent on him.

o lordy, that makes me sad.

Well I wouldn't want to give up my fetish lifestyle so if he doesn't like it, he can leave. I seeked out guys who were into it. I also wouldn't want to live in a pigsty if the man was messy and never picked up after himself. I cannot imagine if he told me to stop cleaning and be lazy. I am also not willing to give up my interests. I also would not chose a guy over my kids. I am also not willing to give up my online friends. My ex tried to make me stop chatting with them who were guys and not autistic. To me that is being a control freak. I also would not want a long distance relationship if I know I would never meet them due to money. Also what if I moved there and it didn't work out? Where would I go if I have no family there? That's all I can think of.

Thanks for the support. But I am glad this thread was made. It made me ask some hard hitting and important questions. Questions that require the 'yes' as an answer'. In this case answers came back a resounding now.

Care to share?

If they want the freedom to self-actualize they simply need to have someone who's on the same page and is willing to live as a partner in life in that aspect more so than it being a formal heavily-obligated kind of thing where both needs considerable amounts of each other's time and energy.

What would you like me to share MyFutureSelf?

I asked myself a few questions...not the complete list.

Is he there when I have a great day? No
Is he there when I have a bad day? No
Is he reliable? No
Does he give as much as he receives in the relationship? No
If I were lying face down in ditch somewhere and needed him-would he be the first person I'd call? No (because I know he wouldn't answer the phone/text?
Are his actions consistent with his words? No
Do I feel emotionally close to him? No-not anymore
Do I want to continue to fight for this relationship? No-I am tired and so far I've not gotten anything back to sustain me to keep up the fight.
Should the relationship be this hard even with AS? No
Has he been willing to change (even in small amounts?) No
Is he using his AS as an excuse for poor behaviour? Yes.
Has he compared me to his mother? Yes (mortified) Who can compete with that..and one shouldn't have to

There are loads more questions.
This is the first and likely last relationship I will have with an Aspie.

My brother is an Aspie-I see how he is with my sister-in-law. Married over 25 years. 2 beautiful kids and a loving tight knit family.

Well that certainly clears things up. I'm sorry to hear about your upcoming but inevitable breakup.

Very well said. I think people who are set in their ways would do a lot better being with someone who has similar ways or with someone who's OK having a lot of space within the relationship; like 2 Aspies who like having a lot of alone time might could be a great match for each other because they could each do their own thing alot; some may think of them more as 2 people who are sharing a place to live rather than the 2 being relationship partners thou but what counts is that it works for both people in the relationship.

I think being set in ways & not wanting to change for a partner is related to independence a lot of times. I posted about this on a few forums including POF & I was told how I'm too needy, dependent & other things to be a good relationship partner for anyone. I think they would of been bad relationship partners for lots of people thou because they would be too busy with their jobs or their family or their friends or going out or whatever to have time left to spend with their partner. I don't get the point in bothering to have a relationship if both are each doing their own thing & their partner isn't worth changing or compromising anything for but I know each person & couple is different.

Thanks.

It's done. He knows it's done. It's too much emotional torture hoping and waiting. Better to finish it an grieve, heal and move on.

It's a rainy day here..how apt.

On the upside, I did learn quite about about AS and myself. I opened myself to some new possibilities and experiences-and that is always good in my opinion.

Here's wishing everyone better luck and success in their relationship.

I'd like to stick around-if you lot will have me.

If any AS guys need tips/advice with their NT partners or potential partners, happy to offer 'non-professional' advice.

Just remember that not ALL aspies are emotionally distant - we're as varied as any other human. But most of us will still be socially awkward.

Sorry things didn't work out for you...

Thanks BlueMax. I didn't mind the socially awkward thing. Sometimes it's endearing. The emotional coldness did my head in.

QFT