Avoiding another person

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On Saturdays, I go to worship services. I have also invited most of my friends to attend including one person, who I considered a casual friend a while back, who comes from time to time. However, I had discovered that he can make some really nasty cutting remarks to your face and behind your back. I recently went to hang out with him four months ago in discovering that all he did was cut me down and make me feel bad about myself. So I chose to remove him from my Facebook page, stop taking his calls, and quit inviting him to events due to being around him was a toxic circumstance. In fact, most of my other friends would attend my parties while he was there and mention to me later that they were uncomfortable around him. In addition, some of them also associated in the past and also stopped calling.

I thought he had gotten the message that I don't wish to associate with him anymore and he did not call me or invite me to anything. He also had not gone to my congregation in the last two months. However, I was proved wrong today.

I was paying attention in service when I felt someone whisper and gently tap me on the shoulder this afternoon while certain readings and sermons were going on. I turned around to see the person who I cut from my life, sitting behind me and tried to talk to about not really liking another person in the congregation. I quickly corrected him by saying, "I am listening." He then proceeded to sit next to me, and he again tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to him and he had passed me a note which stated that the other person who he did not like humiliated him in front of the minister earlier when he first arrived. I responded with a "No comment," whisper and then I proceeded to moved to another spot away from him.

During lunch, after service, he sat down across from me but I took all my lunch and again moved to another section of the room. He looked at me and asked what was going on while I was getting up. I replied in a very short tone, "Nothing," and moved on.

He left me alone for the remainder of his attendance today during lunch but as he was leaving, he said goodbye to me and tried to ask me about my week. I looked at him and said in a short tone, "Okay" I really feel like he is not getting the message that I am not interested in him on any levels. This is on either dating or friendship level because I feel like he is emotionally abusive and narcissistic.

So the question boils down to this, how do I let him know that I am not interested?

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 05 Aug 2012, 10:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

"I'm not interested"

3 simple words.

Thanks for the advice.


I again had removed him from my Facebook page months ago. This was because when we hung out together, he did some things that I did not approve of.

- He told me that I was high maintenance and ungrateful when I suggested that he go see one movie while I see another. He decided to go see the other one with me because he thought it was rude for the two of us to see different movies. He was upset that he did not get to see the other movie that he had been wanting to see.
-He cut my other friends down behind their backs by saying that everything was wrong with them. E-G: He said that my other friends were not very bright which is not true.
-He wanted the two of us to play a joke some other people in a parking lot by having us hold hands (I think he did like me) but I looked at him and said it was a bad idea. I did not want to give the other people the wrong message and I openly said that I was not right for him. He then pitched a fit with me by whining and saying, "That hurts my feelings. You do this all the time with your other friends. I know you are going to talk behind my back aren't you?"

He seems to never look at himself in wondering why others get mad at him or kick him out of something

He also seems to be worried about his reputation and self worth.

I felt so icky after that night so I removed him from Facebook in addition to the other stuff

As for moving to a different spot yesterday, things did not dawn on me that this guy is all drama until that point. I was planning on giving him one more opportunity by letting him sit quietly next to me in service and then eat lunch in the fellowship hall where we could talk. I also knew that I could move if he continued to make me comfortable. However, when I saw the note like that, it was the straw that broke the camel's back which caused me to move.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 09 Aug 2012, 10:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

If it continues to be a problem, talk to the pastor and tell him he's harassing you.

I have thought about talking to the minister if it continues. However, I wrote to the guy on Facebook this morning and mentioned that I did not think it was likely going to work out for us to be associating anymore by basically mentioning that I am not interested and blocking him online.

^ I was going to suggest something along that lines. If even after that he still persists, tell the minister.

Maybe you should tell him the truth, that you noticed him talking bad about you and that you after this felt bad whenever he was around. and all that other stuff, too.
He will be angry but eventually leave you alone.

But if he is narcissistic then you might get some bad response such as that he tries to make you bad in front of others.

Hmm difficult decision

Still, telling the truth is generally better than just saying f**k off.
Maybe he just doesnt know why you reacted so. Maybe he will understand better then.

Anybody knows here how to deal with narcissistic people, such that you dont get punished?

Or let someone else tell him

I did call him out in the letter that I wrote to him this morning. I said that I felt like he seemed to enjoy making other people feel bad and then blame them for his doings and bad mouth them behind their backs and to their faces.

This guy also has also gotten into major trouble and has been kicked out major events because of his actions and behaviors.

I.E- Another friend and I happened to be at a sci fi convention and were planning on going somewhere for lunch with this guy. As we were meeting him, both of us saw him being escorted by the con's security. So my other friend and I went to lunch/dinner on our own but he told us that could not talk now because he had to talk to the security. So we decided to wait for him to call and then meet us after talking to the security. One hour later which was after lunch, I got a call on my cell by the guy who explained to me that he was in the walk of fame and was trying to take pictures of one of the celebs. This celeb evidently got freaked out by his toy gun which was part of his costume. I So they freaked out and called security on him. This acquaintance of mine then talked to security where he was then kicked out and was no longer allowed back at the con anymore year after year. However, not once did he take the blame for his actions. His response was that the celeb was being a paranoid jerk. In paraphrase he stated, "I am not really interested in ever going to see them again." His story did not add up either.

From my understanding and guess from what happened, you are not allowed to take a picture of the celebs with your own camera unless you pay for them to be professionally done which is expensive. He seemed to break that rule and then my other guess was that he probably smarted off the security team which led them to kick him out of the convention.

Knowing him, he will smart off at anyone who gets mad at him and he will act like he does not care.

He had also even popped balloons that were outside of a nightclub they were part of the club's property. One of the managers got annoyed and asked why he was popping their balloons. Again in paraphrase, "What's the big deal, I am enjoying myself here," with a big smile on his face laughing like some nosy know it all was picking on him. The manager asked him to stop as it was not a nice thing to do.

So this is how he handles correction and rejection from other people.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 09 Aug 2012, 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well now he knows. Very correct of you to tell him. And it seems that he's not a narcissist, just a psychopath or something other like that (A narcissist would probably never do things that are to everybody obvious stupid things).
Hope that he will think about it, but probably not. But I don't think he will take revanche like a narcissist would do.

Well done.

I also attempted to write to him after the balloon popping situation and he said, "Don't tell me what do to woman."

Again, my friends and I found that he was obnoxious.

You gotta cut this guy out. If you keep talking about him, I might start wondering if you have jerk attraction.

Okay. I am still at the point of wanting to talk about him and what happened yesterday. Other than that though, he has been gone.

Well if you feel that somebody is nice to you or even interested, than that hurts. And causes lot of thinking what is wrong with that guy, why can't he be normal
or just wanting to understand.

Your story is not very clear, because you seemed to have removed him several times from your facebook account?



He seems to have really a perverted view and is probably inside quite desperate, because he doesn't get the point that people don't generally like it if you talk bad about others.
I personally hate this when people do bad jokes about others.

Then for me there is quite easily also the urge to want to help people. (In this case out of this trap that he's in.) And see the positive in others.

Doesn't though look like that you can do anything here.
And, also if you still let him contact you he himself will suffer because he will fail to understand,
why this "not to talk bad about others" is important to you.

Did I get that about right?

Your story is not very clear, because you seemed to have removed him several times from your facebook account?

I had removed him from FB twice now.

1. The first time was over feeling like he was too immature and made you feel uneasy around him

2. The second time I thought it was me overreacting the first time and wanting to give him a second chance as a friend.

The second time gave me an opportunity to see that he was not a good friend period and I don't think I want to go back.

You mean you removed him second time when you realised that he is a bad friend.



And now what did you still want to say about him?

Hold your hand up like a traffic cop saying "Stop" and say "Dude, talk to the hand cause the face don't care".

Smile sweetly at him and shake your head like you're a bit sad and say "Bless your heart" and walk away.

When he asks what you're doing say "I got business, mind yours"

When he says "See you later" say "Not if I see you first"

Or you could just say "Leave me alone. I don't like talking to you. Buh bye"