do you think it's harder to be a guy or a girl as an aspy?

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ive always wondered this, for a person with aspurgers or high functioning autism, would you say its harder to be a guy or a girl? whats your opinion?

As a female myself, I personally think it's harder to be a female Aspie because of society's BS social expectations for females. From what I have experienced the Aspie social deficits are much more noticable coming from a woman than a man. (Usually) NTs expect females to be stupidly enthusiastic and have a smile plastered all over their faces 24/7 while brimming with empathy. You have no idea how many customers complained about me when I worked at Subway not because I made their sandwich wrong; in fact, I was the fastest sandwich maker in the store, but because of petty things like my facial expression, odd body language for a female (my body language is masculine), the tone of my voice, or accused of being short or rude with them because I got straight to the point when they asked me a question.

If a male exhibits similar symptoms it can more easily be passed off as "shy nerd syndrome" from what I have experienced.

I actually think that the guys have it worse.

For one thing, their traits are usually more pronounced. Women tend to mask their traits better, and so they can blend in better. That's why we're under-diagnosed. This is a blessing and a curse, but we tend to be more successful socially as a result.

It seems to me that more men are struggling to find lasting, satisfying relationships than women are. There is a lot of frustration voiced by women married to aspie men, but not as much the other way around. I find it to be totally unfair to these poor guys as most of these marriages are not arranged, and their AS traits shouldn't have come as a shock to their partners - but that's another topic!

As someone who has met many people of both sexes on the spectrum, I'd say that females have an advantage. They seem to be better accepted by the people around them, and other girls are more likely to comfort them and empathize with them when they struggle. Guys, on the other hand, seem to be isolated more and not receive as much peer support.

Well since I'm a male I would say males have it worse. My symptoms of AS have caused alot of trouble because it seems like society puts expectations on people and if you don't meet the criteria, you are trampled on.

I would presume that men have it worse when it comes to relationships. This is because, it is often sought after that men ask women out (whereas I think both ways is fine).

I think it depends on where you live. Southern cultures have an awkward thing with both non-white races and women that either allows them a great deal of flexibility or requires them to behave within a strange set of passively prejudice rules, a set within which AS behavior is acceptable for women. In places with a seriously southern (american) culture, there is a very strict set of expectations for men that does not lie in line with aspergers. While there is also a strict set of expectations for women, they are much more in line with aspergers. A woman with aspergers in a seriously southern culture is likely to be thought of as demure and reserved, which are good things. On the other hand, a man with aspergers must work hard to establish the image of being the strong silent type to be accepted. That is how I got by in my last few years of high school and in the working world of Alabama, FL. There are, however, some areas where there are stricter social rules for women. In the small missouri town in which I have found myself, there is a culture of women (working very hard to fit into a stupid stock "will maybe put out" look) vying for the attention of guys with buzz cuts in t-shirts and spots shorts. The relationship dynamic here is kind of terrible and inexplicable to me, but obviously harder for women with or without AS than the culture of Alabama, FL.

Way way harder for Guys.

IT would be easy to test, 2 people from here one of each gender will make dating profile or something, ill bet you that females will always have no problem finding friend, dates whatever. But guys will. Thats just pure hard facts.

Ive read about plenty of females who are on disability pension that have boyfriends and such.

Try finding a guy where its the same. guy is supposed to be the big strong working man, the talking macho dude.

When a guy have autism it goes against everything a guy is expected to be. Where as it doesnt with females.

Nice friendly guy = bad
Quiet guy = bad
Guy without car = bad
Guy without Job = bad
Guy without friend = bad.

I mean the list goes on.

When it comes to relationships, men and women have different problems types of "worse" they tend to have. The males more often don't have any sort of relationship, and end up feeling terrible because of that, and being expected to pursue. The females more often end up abused, because they have traits that make them targets in abusive relationships.

It sounds like the aspy men and women should get together. But that wouldn't happen too often.

There are actually some pretty huge downsides to ASD/ASD relationships as well as big upsides. But it does happen not infrequently. There are just only so many people with ASDs, and people still have their preferences, and relationships still take a lot of hard work. It does happen though, and it can work quite well. ASD/NT or ASD/Non-autistic but non-NT relationships also can work and work well.

But there is a huge amount more than relationships that would go into "who has it harder". Relationships are far from all of what life is. If all of my challenges were there, I'd find life far, far, easier than it is.

I really don't think it matters who it's harder for, I hate when people compare who has it worse. Everybody suffers, is it really necessary to pick apart each aspect to determine who has the worst life. If we applied who has it worse to everything the world would just be a pathetic group of people trying to cause terrible things to happen to ourselves to one up each other and gain sympathy.

It's way easier to just agree that we all have our challenges, some have a name for them and some don't.

And I don't agree with that; it's not fact, it's your opinion. I'm a female yet I don't have friends and most people shy away from me because I come across as weird. I'm almost 20 and I've never been on a date and I rarely have anybody to spend time with hence why I'm always playing Civ5 or watching movies. I stim in public, along with having sensory issues. There are some males on the spectrum who can make friends easily, but not all. Just like there are some women on the spectrum who can easily make friends, not all.

These both make sense to me. Females might have it harder with work and socially, because they think more like males (extreme systemizing and all that). That may make it easier for them to get along with males, so hetero relationships are easier, but harder in other ways. I can imagine aspie lesbians really struggling with relationships, unless they can find other aspie lesbians. Anyway, I think it's very hard to arrive at an overall answer.

Actually, as a young boy (maybe 4-6) I told people that I'd rather I was a girl - much to their amusement. Now, I'm not transgender - I didn't feel like I was a girl. It was for purely rational reasons: I though girls just had it easier. Obviously I had no idea about AS at that time, that was my general impression. I no longer think so.

I don't really know. I'm almost never perceived as male; almost always as female. So I haven't experienced both sides of it, even though I myself am kind of androgynous, at least mentally. I know I feel most comfortable when the people around me aren't ultra-male or ultra-female, but that's probably got more to do with having things in common with others. I really don't have that much in common with an ultrafeminine woman or an ultramasculine guy.

I'm probably being pressured to conform to female gender stereotypes, but because I'm not socially astute to perceive most of it, it really doesn't bother me. What does get through is usually pretty extreme, to the point that I can't take it seriously--things like "Girls shouldn't have short hair" and "You need a good man". Those kinds of ideas just seem stupid to me. It's hard to feel much social pressure when the only thing you can detect getting pushed on you is an obviously stupid idea of what a girl should be. If I were more socially aware, maybe I'd be able to detect the subtler stuff, but that's one thing I'm sure I don't regret not being able to detect.

I say all genders got it hard, no gender has it worse, it all comes down to the individual. No gender as a whole has it worse in my opinion.

I'd say male as it's extremely hard for me to initiate anything and boys are expected to initiate relationships, but every gender would probably pick their own as they know more about being their gender.