Sensory - better/worse days?

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Hello to all,

I have a lot of sensitivities - light, sound, touch,smell. I am horrible with food. But, some days are worse than others - some way worse. Is this typical? If so, are you able to figure out why it is worse and is there anything that can be done?

I find - even a rare visit to the Farmers Market can wipe me out for a few days. I have had strangers make comments like: "It's not that bad!", so I guess I look as bad as I feel.

When I talk to my husband, I often have to close my eyes - especially if he is sitting where light comes in a window and plays on his face. I can't look at him. It is painful to talk to other people because I don't have the option of closing my eyes or looking somewhere else.

I have often worried about food poisoning because food tastes off. I know this is awful, but I opened a can of chicken (yuck - waste not, want not) and I was sure I would end up with botulism. It tasted so horrible - I may as well have eaten the tin can. I made myself throw up - over and over. I was the only one who thought it tasted off. My *hole dad knows I am freaked out by food and teases me. I'm a middle aged woman, he is an old man - and he still gets a sick kick or something out of this.

I can feel beaten up by sounds - like a car motor running - but some days I am far more sensitive. A coffee cup being set down - is like someone hammers me in the back of the head and my ear drums burst - THOCK!! ! Sometimes I wish I lived alone. A cafeteria kills me.

I love music, but speakers in cars or public places feel like they are interrupting my heart rhythm. I feel it go right through my chest and it is horrible. Sometimes it is even like being itchy inside.

My bosses where I clean are quite used to me crabbing about chemical smells and have accommodated me by leaving ventilation fans on later at night. I have been right every time that someone used a chemical - but I seem to be the only one who finds it bothersome or even noticeable. I should hire myself out as a 'custom's dog'. haha

Sometimes the depth is beautiful - like seeing the blue sky drip through branches. A color intense day - with the right colors - can be so amazing. A very few colors give me very bad feelings. Some are nice but too much if I am in them too long.

Strangely, my teeth are hard to freeze at the dentist and I can take a fair bit of dental pain.

With painful/unpleasant sensations, I find I shut down - I feel frozen/stuck. I just wait for the day to end. I find I get this way if my husband is home all day and is rustling around in my space. I just sit and hope he goes on an outing. He is a very nice man and he is in his house, but I need him to go away sometimes.

Does anyone else freeze? It makes me feel like a wasted day and therefore a wasted life. I know that is not the real conclusion - it is just how I feel at the time. Sometimes a bath helps a bit. I am terribly afraid of medication, but would medication even help? If there is such a thing that can help with this? I guess it is a double edge sword - I don't want to 'lose me' - I would just like to ratchet down losing time and energy.

Thank You, Logicalmom

I could've written your post! My meltdowns are more often due to sensory issues than social stuff. Today it's 100% humidity, damp, cool, my house is so friggin' humid I'm trying to cash my check to go to the store for some DampRid because I simply can't take it. I was wearing pants today that were threatening to fall off (I could literally walk out of them) and when I got home I tore them off and shredded them after stabbing them with a kitchen knife

Yeah, it's that bad. If it gets to the point of overload I have severe derealization to numb it out. I hear ya (no pun intended but funny anyway) on the car stereos. I was driving in downtown (something I hate, I live in the city) and a very, very loud band was playing and the bass was thrumping (new word) through my body and I felt really nauseous.

Some days are really bad and some days are okay. I don't go one single day without a sensory issue though.

Thank you, kirayng:

Oh, yes - weather. My husband gets upset because I cannot stand a change in weather - cloudy days will knock me out - yet, sunny days are too bright so I keep the blinds and curtains closed - yet, I feel better. Maybe it is more to do with air pressure. It doesn't make sense to him and I have told him that it 'is how it is' - but it bothers me that - not that he doesn't get it - but that he doesn't accept what I say as true. He questions me.

Funny, my hubby was also upset with me a couple of weeks ago because I ripped the legs off my pants while I was wearing them. They were worn out from work and there was a very threadbare spot on my thigh - I dug my finger in the fabric and I could feel how weak it was, so I ripped. Then I did the other side. I did not think it was a big deal - they were my pants and I wore them for a very long time. I'm a 'watch breaker' too - I cannot wear a watch because I fiddle until it breaks - and that usually happens very fast. I am going to rag a lot on my husband here - but he is annoyed with me - I can't - simply can not - leave them alone. I don't break them for fun and I can't help it. He doesn't get outright mad at me, it just really bothers me that he is annoyed. I wouldn't be annoyed with him.

Interesting - is derealization common? I have been told this is 'trauma' - but what constitutes 'trauma'? I have described this overload as putting your toes in a bathtub that is too hot and withdrawing them - sometimes that is how the day feels. If you dipped your hand in something painful or awful, you'd zip it out - or want to zip it out, right? I think it is coping. I had a therapist who attributed this to my abusive first marriage, but I have been like this my whole life. I have - in ink - but from the 70's - a report card that says I have a 'sensitive' mind. Waaayyyy back. I have a pretty telling history if you line my report cards up, actually - but, I guess they did not know. And, as I said - my dad teases me about my 'pickiness' ... my mom gets annoyed with me. Story of my life. I am glad I am not alone, yet I am very sorry for your discomfort.

I am not sure how to respond to a private mail yet - but thank you to the advice I received regarding the noise cancelling headphones - I looked them up right away. Everything you said was good - thank you.

Logicalmom

p.s. - I like 'thrumping'!

Try noise-cancelling headphones. I understand they work well for everything except jet engines and rock concerts.

Dear The Librarian: Please know it was not an intrusion - I am sorry - I should have tried replying privately - it looked like it would end up as a post anyways. I just wanted to acknowledge your kindness in some way and hoped you would see it - it looked to me like a reply would end up as a post as the mail looks just like the place we post - and I did not want to say your name in case you didn't want it posted - hope that makes sense. I want to emphasize that I was - an am - in no way upset. Please forgive me. I honestly want to say thank you and I sincerely appreciate your kindness - as well as your excellent feedback. Both the understanding you showed and the idea that might be helpful were appreciated. If I reply to a PM - will it end up as a post? - should it look in my inbox like a post? I am going to try right now to see if it happens. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you or unappreciative if I did not acknowledge you. I am sorry - you are quite welcome to message me. Whatever is comfortable. I found you respectful and kind.

Logicalmom

See - I tried - I thought I had PM'd - okay, time to go look for instructions.

LM

I think it's traumatic to the nervous system, the psychology profession has a term for what we do: sensory defensiveness. Brushing off light touches, ripping off offending clothing, scratching areas that are sensitive, etc.


Gosh I wish this rainy spell would end soon.... 10 more days >