Barriers 2 college/life due 2 Confusion

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Kalinda
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13 Aug 2012, 4:19 pm

I am trying to stop the subconscious feeling that learning is a barrier. I think by not looking at college as a barrier or stressor, that I will be able to overcome my fear of not finishing.

I'm so conflicted. I'm doing a lot better, but still conflicting with trying to grasp what my needs are and setting things aside, to evaluate things. What is my true underlying problem?

Is it bipolar? Is it a psychotic disorder? Is it Aspergers? Is it attention deficit?

I can't diagnose myself, but I have this constant feeling that something is not adding up here. How can I be taking both a stimulant and anti-psychotic at the same time, if it was ever schizophrenia? Why are they telling me schizo-affective is nothing like schizophrenia? Are they themselves uninformed that the general consenus is that it's a combination?

Should I be upset that I have "alcohol abuse" written on my profile, when I have never been a heavy drinker, nor have had long periods of getting drunk or even drinking more than three beers? I am a 23 year old college student, and I got drunk a couple times on college night at the bar, which is there for that purpose. I have no problem limiting my intake, but they never even talked to me about alcohol at all, just wrote that stupid phrase and later when I brought up I stopped alcohol completely, as in decided to abstain- and later wanted to know all my labels, found that out.

I'm having this backward regressive wary feeling, like you're all full of s**t feeling. Like, if this is the way things work, then what is the point of even telling them I got drunk a couple times, and being honest with my therapist...yet recently I gave my therapist a glamorous 5 star review online for being helpful in all the areas she has helped me, I still have problems with the system of labeling itself. I don't know why it bothers me. It's just so much flaw finding, nitpicking, sometimes I feel even creatively causing my own problems.

On the flip side does drawing attention to your personal issues through a diagnosis help to overcome them? Um, aren't these labels permanent? I'm so effing confused. If I don't drink alcohol, which I haven't in awhile, and it says "struggles with alcohol abuse" on my file, what is that going to say to someone doing a background check if I wanted to adopt and sees the Bipolar? This is not fair.

This confusion is a major part of the barrier between me and success. I can't trust anyone one hundred percent to know what my problems are, but shouldn't I be diagnosing myself too? Shouldn't I be able to add input or something? Why is this so effing hard, to contradict something someone believes that isn't accurate because it's so subjectively defined..........

I'm an idiot. My brother said he would be "f*****g pissed" hahaha and he goes to WVU #1 party college, drinks......etc. and no one can f**k with him cuz' he's not like me. Not psycho like his sister. In fact, his college admissions essay was about how hard it was to cope with seeing his sister with schizophrenia, and my college essay? How hard it is to HAVE schizophrenia yeah right. Like that would help me any. "schizophrenia" can go to hell for all I care, the schizophrenia diagnosis itself can die....

schizo-affective....huh....big effing difference.


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Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." Martin Luther King, Jr.


Last edited by Kalinda on 13 Aug 2012, 4:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Kalinda
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13 Aug 2012, 4:25 pm

I haven't cried for no reason ever before, wtf is bipolar? I get a little over excited...but I don't get down, depressed, or actually broading or mulling over or sad...but I am too well to be schizophrenic. So .....adhd, yeah...ok....well, what? I have confused thoughts before, I have had delusions before, maybe schizo-affective is doing me a favor. I think I simply struggled with delusions for some unknown reason at an early age.

But when I'm manic I don't crash aftewards, this is what is confusing me the most. They say schizo-affective is better and has a better prognosis to me constantly. But I keep saying, I don't get depressed! I don't crash! And then they say, well you're just doing really well on your meds, what I don't think they see is I've never been that way or even off meds.

I have had low points but never depression....and ......I feel trapped if that counts...


_________________
Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." Martin Luther King, Jr.


AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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13 Aug 2012, 5:46 pm

Hi, yes, you're right, that is pretty lousy with the part about them putting "struggles with alcohol abuse." Once it's put in more formal language, it sounds worse than it is. Now, it is your medical record and is generally private, but there are exceptions like maybe adoption. If you want to contest this, perhaps the way to do so is calmly in a one page (or less) letter. If you contest it with anger, which in a sense you have every right to do, that will be viewed as "denial," etc, etc.

Or, consider broaching this topic with your therapist, since it sounds like she's good in other ways, either in person or in writing, whichever feels more promising, and just tell her, hey, this is going to hurt me if I later try and adopt and with similar things.

==========

Okay, I have a source which says some of the same medications work for both bipolar and schizophrenia causing at least some doctors to think there's considerable overlap between the two conditions.

Quote:
Part 2: How do you tell bipolar disorder, schizophrenia apart?, CNN Health, Dr. Charles Raison Psychiatrist,
Emory University Medical School, February 9, 2010

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/expert.q ... index.html

“ . . . Although as I mentioned last week, lithium works for bipolar disorder but not for schizophrenia, in the last decade a small army of medications has been introduced onto the market that work well for both conditions, strongly suggesting a shared neurobiology.

"Finally, long term follow-up studies have shown that schizophrenia doesn't always lead to an unremitting downward spiral, and, unfortunately, bipolar disorder is not a condition characterized by no long-term damage. . . ”

I take it the person can benefit from some help and support along the way whichever they have, or if there is a lot of overlap between the two.

I myself sometimes struggle with bouts of depression. I haven't yet tried antidepressants but they're kind of my ace in the hole. What I have read is that the biochem of the human brain is complex and tends to be somewhat different for different people, and thus medication needs trial and error. The upshot being that I would want to have a doctor willing to tinker with the medication.

And this might be the same for schizophrenia or bipolar or schizo-affective or ADHD, but I just don't know.

PS Love the MLK quote. :D Yes indeed, a creative dedicated minority has almost always made the world a better place.



Kalinda
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14 Aug 2012, 9:07 am

These are really great ideas. I was thinking about that too, writing a letter to put the thoughts in order better. So maybe today or tomorrow morning I will write it, I have an appointment on Thursday with my psychiatrist. Or maybe I'll just ask her about it.


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Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." Martin Luther King, Jr.


Kalinda
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14 Aug 2012, 9:16 am

Just looked up the DSM-IV-TR Criteria and I in no way meet it. Just looked up DSM5! I in no WAY meet the criteria for alcohol abuse. See how these labels are a mind f**k? I got drunk a couple times, no more than once or twice in a three week period and knowingly in charge of my limits. I also cut back on drinking and mentioned I didn't like alcohol, and so I stopped going to the bar a block from my house, which I usually don't drink at anyways. I just socialize. I've never been arrested. I have never been in violation, other than when a girl offered me a drink on a no drinking campus, and she didn't even get in trouble.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 159 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." Martin Luther King, Jr.


AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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15 Aug 2012, 8:49 pm

Hi, best wishes for your appointment tomorrow Thursday. I generally do recommend under-selling and be ready to graciously back off. Your therapist might be excellent in other regards and just have a "thing" against alcohol, as she probably has seen a lot of the downside. But, being drunk a couple of times, by any reasonable diagnostic criteria, does not constitute a "problem."

Okay, I generally agree with you that way too emphasis is placed on labels. I self-diagnose myself as being on the Asperger's side of Autism Spectrum. And what this gives to me is a conceptual whole that explains some things about myself, and not necessarily something true across the board on every single point. One big thing it gives me is that next relationship, I need time and space for myself. It doesn't mean I'm not open to loving her or open to the relationship continuing to evolve and develop. It just means I need time for myself to kind of center myself and most of all to continue to grow as a human being. So, this is a very big thing knowing about AS gives me. But neither me nor anyone else necessarily has every single symptom listed.

For example, some people on the spectrum have greater or lesser sensory issues, some people on the spectrum have a need for greater or lesser stimming, and all of this should be accepted (although I hear from others that sensory issues can be big quality of life issues, and we should help people develop methods and at times 'tricks' for dealing with these issues if we can)