Wonderful Article About Body Language

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[Since I can't post a link, here are instructrions to reach it: go to a website called io9(dot)com and click the little purple magnifying glass to search, then type in "how to read body language to reveal the truth in almost any situation" and that should take you straight to the article. Hopefully someone more reputable will post the link as a reply.]

... of course, if someone reads this before speaking to someone AS, they'll assume we're filthy cowardly liars.

Am I the only one who basically gives off every "negative" signal listed here even if I'm just having a mundane conversation? Especially since this article focuses on recognizing body language from 'strangers'.

Anyway, I'll have more thoughts to share if anyone else seems interested.

Also, if you're wondering who the hell I am, that's probably because this is my first post (that I didn't delete after submitting); I have, however, frequented the Chat in spurts for the better part of a year.

Link: How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any Situation

Welcome to Wrong Planet brokenclock

Just skim-read the article. The advice seems helpful, especially bits like "If you have trouble meeting someone's eyes, just look at their mouth" (that's what I do). I think that context is important as well though. You can't just learn the 'right' body language and always apply it in every situation. I learnt the positive body language stuff before and it's not always helpful. The "Long periods of eye contact" bit has actually got me into trouble a few times. None of these body language guides warn you that prolonged eye contact actually means "I want a fight" or "I fancy you".

Hey-- thanks for posting the link, and it's good to be here. This website has helped me work through some tough days.



As for that negative body language, and the way people interpret it-- I'm right there with you. Ever since my diagnoses a few years ago, I've been avoiding friends and family more and more as I recognize just how odd they must think I am.

I know articles like this aren't exactly a rare commodity around here, but it's my favorite one written on the topic, maybe because it /isn't/ written by/for people on the spectrum.

I'm glad that Wrong Planet has helped you. It's helped me a lot as well, especially during my diagnosis.

I've avoided friends and family since my diagnosis too. I became a lot more self-conscious of how I behave and how other people see me. I'm trying to learn to care less about other people's opinions of me. As long as I'm not hurting anyone or being intentionally rude then I don't think that anyone has the right to judge me.

I think this article is better than most because it uses a lot of illustrations. I need to see examples of the body language to learn it.

I've never been much of a visual learning myself-- it appeals to me because it's just a normal, socially adjusted person teaching a presumably normal, socially adjusted audience how to get along with normal, socially adjusted people. There's no confusion, no condescension, no insecurity on either end- author or audience. I guess that's just how I'm comfortable learning about non-autistic minds; on their own terms. It's only fair, since I've always required- even without realizing it- that they do the same for me.

personally I don't think things like this (the article) are altogether too helpful for that reason exactly ..

what is helpful is this little excerpt from the article:



so in other words, even people who use and interpret ordinary body language "correctly" shouldn't be relying on it too much - they should be learning a person's particular mannerisms and going from there, and I think people on the spectrum are equally capable of doing that. It just might take us longer, and we're going to be really lost (and sending the wrong signals) when first getting to know someone and on a first date. people will understand us better, and we'll understand them better, over time, and after we've learned their patterns of behavior.

.. not to mention trying to use body language that doesn't come normally to us might make someone else think we're faking it or lying.

I have a pretty unwavering "be yourself" policy and it irks me when advice to people on the spectrum is to fake social skills they don't have. For some people that could be a disaster. at best it might just be too exhausting to keep up, and then you're in hot water when someone gets to know you better and realizes you're different when you don't put in the effort.


I really think the best plan for learning to navigate social situations is a combo of a few things:

- understanding most people communicate differently than you do, and learning how (via articles like this, watching how people interpret each other, etc)

- accepting that you're different and may be misinterpreted

- learning to communicate this briefly, with confidence and without ceremony

- explaining to people you're getting to know that you sometimes need them to explain certain things to you, because you might not interpret it correctly (or at all)

Well, to be fair, it stands to reason that we're employing the same regions of the brain that non-autistics use to lie; we're creatively constructing an 'act' to make people who aren't familiar with autism a little more comfortable with the adjustment. The article, at the core, was about what people do when they have to concentrate, wish to conceal their need to do so, and are probably anxious. Sounds like a regular trip to the bank to me, so now I know a few more things to focus on when I don't want to deal with the funny looks.

But really, we're splitting hairs here, the other articles are fine too. This one is just easier for me to deconstruct and analyze without worrying about what factors are lost in translation due to the communication between AS people and NA people (going to try to coin this, neurotypical just doesn't have a good connotation).

could be. interesting way of looking at it.

I've noticed some people here really are very fascinated by reading about body language and there is that article on the main wp page right now about someone teaching Alex P a lesson on flirting. Just because I can't employ these tools doesn't mean others aren't helped by them, i guess. for me authenticity is the only thing that works, and I really just do badly around certain types of people, but I do see how combining some sort of like "book knowledge" of others' behavior with being cautious to not appear weird could be a good tactic for someone else.

I consider sincerity a luxery... when I get so nervous my neck muscles start trying to make my head shake, it's nice to have behavior guidelines so I at least know what to try to do.

that neck thing happens to me too. i have really bad social anxiety.

hey, whatever helps.

I thought that was a really cool article. I mean, it's not just helpful if you're trying to learn how to fake acting NT, but it's helpful for understanding NTs.

Something I find a little disturbing about people on the spectrum is how easy it is to manipulate them. My little brother has high functioning autism. My mom tells him all kinds of ridiculous things and dum-de-dum he just believes her because she's his Very Important Person and why would she lie? Unless he has some kind of concrete proof like videotape to the contrary of whatever she's saying he just believes it.

But I think the ability to tell when people are lying is a survival technique. I feel like if I found out I was on the spectrum the first thing I'd do is find out how to spot liars. It's like how I currently spend time thinking about what I would do if someone tried to grab me while I was walking my dog. It's just basic self-preservation.

That's an insightful outlook. Realizing that my own family and friends did and do take advantage of my social disadvantages hasn't been easy.

I'm learning recognize when this is happening and point out my observation in a subtle way.