How to stop obsessions?

Post Reply New Topic

hi - im self diagnosed (also using input from a group of people i know) with Aspergers and i've become rather obsessed with something id much rather not be - a person. She was somebody that i used to know and became very attached too. She was someone i'd have done anything for but after i had a problem with explosive anger in december and was apparently rude (which i didn't notice at the time) she stopped talking to me. Since then i've become obsessed with trying to fix things and to sort things out, but she won't listen to any of it. I've reached a point now where i've realised how fixated i am, and i was wondering if anyone here had any advice for stopping this kind of obsession.

you need to replace it with something else.

or you could try to force yourself to do it just say I won't do it

but you will need good stress control for this

Replace / time / finding some flaw with her that kills your feelings.

It's love!
Don't give up!

It's not, it's destructive, it needs ending. He's going to miss opportunities in life and life is short and not worth wasting on something that's obviously a waste of time.

Sorry things didn't work out, but you can't force people to like or love you. Trying to do so only turns them off even more, and can lead to criminal charges of harassment, or even stalking. If you don't want to end up with a criminal record stop bugging her. Just send her one more note/email saying you are sorry things went wrong between the two of you, that you still care for her, but you won't try to force contact any more, and that you would like her to get in touch with you if and when she gets over her mad, if she later decides she wants to try again. Then don't contact her again in any way. At this point, she needs to be the one to initiate contact. In the mean time, you need to find other ways to occupy your time and your mind. Here are some suggestions for that:

- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.

- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. Humor also generates endorphins.

- Eat healthy, and enough of it. A healthier diet will boost your immune system and is also good for your mind. Skimping on amount of food leads to depression, crankiness, and being more prone to get sick.

- Get enough rest. Being tired leads to depression, crankiness, and being more prone to get sick, too.

- Listen to and/or play music. This is mood boosting.

- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free. The in person ones are a good way to meet people.

- Volunteer. There are people worse off than we are, who would really appreciate the help. It's also a good way to meet people, and boost your self image and mood.

- Take up a hobby or join a club. These are good ways to meet people who share your interests.

- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, events at local libraries and other local organizations. Attend local sporting events, fairs, and art shows. Attend and/or participate in local theater groups. Attend events held at local houses of worship. These are all great ways to meet people and boost your self image and mood.

- If you aren't working, try employment/or self employment. Great way to meet people, boost self image, put money in your wallet, gain experience. Perhaps you should consider self employment. There are many types to choose from.

>> Lawn mowing/yard work/gardening.
>> House cleaning.
>> Errand/shopping service.
>> Wait for service people, so the home owner/renter doesn't have to take time off from work.
>> House/pet sitting.
>> House chores for the elderly/disabled.
>> Handyman.
>> Tutor.
>> Computer maintenance/repair.
>> Website design.
>> Other website based businesses.
>> Paint houses indoor/outdoor.

There are many other self employment opportunities. Your local libraries will have books with lists and descriptions of them, so look into it.

Now, go and do something, and good luck!

Real bummer when someone won't talk to you, but it's good that you recognise the need to give her some space. I would suggest find something broader but related, onto which you might shift your interest, perhaps. Immerse yourself in an alternative hobby or interest that doesn't involve particular specific people.

I don't have much advice but can totally relate to how you're feeling- I've had this problem several times and each time, the other person has ended up avoiding me and not talking to me, which, as you say, leads to an obsession with 'fixing it' and usually makes it worse. Recently, I sent a woman I'd been 'friends' with (and the same thing had happened) an email explaining in detail why I was worried she didn't like me and asking for her input on what she thought/felt, and she sent back a REALLY helpful email saying she did still want to be friends but we needed to set some rules/boundaries and that really helped, although I haven't seen or heard from her since then (I said in the email that I was leaving it up to her to get in touch if she wanted to). It's good that you've recognised it's a problem though, took me 12 years of obsessing over people to get to that point. Would love to stop them altogether though so really get where you're coming from.

questor, your advice is amazing! Really going to try to take some of that on board... I really hate the obsessions though, for ages I felt like it was just me who got them and I really, really want to get rid of them makes me feel so weird and guilty.

Nice to see im not the only one whos had this then bubbles

Questor - thanks for the advice, went out and joined a wrestling school today to do something to distract me from everything!