does it ever get better?

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My husband told me I'm getting weirder all the time. He also told me he doesn't like my son (14-year-old Aspie, also). It's hard to be an aspie, have a kid whose an aspie and have to deal with a perfectionist husband. He blew up at my kid so he (my kid) took off on his bike to get away from him at 10 at night in just t-shirt and shorts. I'm cruising around the neighborhood looking for him 'cause I don't want my son to get hypothermia. And my husband is all pissed off at me, saying it's his right as his father to scold (blow up at) his son.

You guys think NT women are hard to relate to. NT men are so emotional and volatile.

thistledown

It's his problem. You shouldn't be with anyone who will not accept you and your children for who you are. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, that is.

Hi, hope you found your son. Well, based on your post alone your husband sounds like a jerk but I'm sure there's more to it than that. It could be that your husband feels threatened by the two of you. NT's don't really understand us at all (just as we don't understand them). People tend to fear what they don't understand. He doesn't have anyone in the household he can truly relate too. Just remember how you felt (feel) being surrounded by NT's. I'm not trying to side with your husband, just trying to understand the situation.

I think one of the most frustrating aspects of this situation is that because you and your son have the "label",an NT can try and make it appear that anything that is wrong is your fault and they are the "normal" ones.If someone is illogical,overly controlling,materialistic,superficial,follows the pack,needs constant social connections....etc...it is OK,because they dont have a label and these things are "normal" in our society.

I hope you and your son can hold onto your identities and continue to realize that he has "issues".Half the battle is not letting them convince you that "you are the crazy one".

I think that you and your son should kick your husband out. He has no buisness living with the two of you, if this is the way that he's going to act.

Yes, I found my son and coaxed him back inside. I guess I just operate under the assumption (delusion) that someday life will get easier and it doesn't.

Thistledown

Oh yes, THIS story. I think i've lost count of how many times I've heard it, and every time it makes me scowl.

It hasn't gotten better, it won't get better, and it will never BE better unless your husband is either OUT of the picture or somehow manages to change. Saying he has the right to emotionally ATTACK someone outright... well, I seriously doubt you're gonna be able to change such a mentality. Divorce, restraining order, whatever it takes; a divided family is far better than an broken one.

What the hell is wrong with some people?

"Does it ever get better?"

The inability to answer this question is the only point there is to life.

Well, if it means anything, I hope life gets easier for you. I can sort of relate because my wife is an NT and definitely on the emotional/needy side. No kids though. I'm actually scared to have kids. Anyway, take care.

Yes.

I've spent my life missing things and commenting on them after everyone else has finished, and I see no reason to stop, just because I can name the reason for that!
I'm 46 and we didn't discover that I had Aspergers until last year. My wife realised I was different, but we didn't discover the name or why until then.
I've spent some time reading this forum and the ways folk contribute and it looks like we do learn to be better at this communicating thing in general. At the risk of winding up any younger folk around, those with a few more years under their belts seem to mellow, and it seems that when it comes to interacting with other people, mellow is good..
This applies to NTs as well and I would say that what will happen is that both your husband and your son will learn and grow. There is a really big thing to remember about NTs as well, and that is that to them exageration is as air to the lungs. We've had so many fights at home over the years, but it's almost stopped since we now discovered where we were both coming from. My wife (and 2 grown up step-daughters) need to learn that I take things literally and often personally that just aren't meant that way, and I've had to learn that most of the time one of them says 'I hate you' and many other things, they don't mean them at all. In fact they might not even be upset at me, I just got in the wrong place at the wrong time. It takes a little patience to work out what they do mean sometimes, but love and trust go a long way. Hang in there and I bet that by the time your son is old enough to go down the pub, your husband's happy to take him.............
- oh and if you ever get him to read this, I can reassure him that yelling at NT kids doesn't help any more than yelling at Aspie ones does. (I proved that by induction) Hey, there's something in common

Thanks MC

I really do have a hard time with the exaggerated responses (or high drama, as I call it). Like the time he said, "I'm leaving" and I thought he was leaving permanently when he actually just wanted to not be in the same house with me for a few hours. Interestingly, he has a problem with my very literal responses. He commented that the trouble with me is that when I'm mad and say mean stuff, I really mean it! Oh well, I'm hanging in there.

thistledown