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Somberlain
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25 Aug 2012, 12:23 pm

Are you good at understanding or making implicit compliments? Personally, I think I can make implicit compliments but I do not prefer to. On the other hand, I have had problems in understanding implicit compliments. My *inability* to understand implicit compliments makes things difficult. Usually, I cannot understand whether a girl is flirting with me or insulting me.

How about you?

By the way, here is a paper about functions of implicit compliments. It may help us to understand their importance:
http://www.jostrans.org/issue06/art_bruti.pdf


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English is not my native language. 1000th edit, here I come.


whirlingmind
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25 Aug 2012, 12:47 pm

I can only compliment people if it's true, I can't say things just to make people feel better for the sake of it (although I will try to think of a way that sounds OK but isn't actually lying, to get round it!).

I'd rather not say anything than make fake platitudes. If someone directly asks me, then it's more difficult and really stresses me because I don't want to lie. So if someone asked me if I liked their new jeans, and I didn't, instead of giving a fake compliment or lying, I might say: "my favourite outfit on you is.." or (providing it's true) "you look nice in lots of things" etc. Sort of trying to divert their attention away from the fact that I'm not answering their question, but giving another true compliment so they are not offended. If they pushed for the answer and the truth, I'd have to tell it like it is.

I don't feel comfortable receiving compliments either.

With implicit compliments, can you give an example? It sounds too subtle for me, explicit compliments means obviously saying e.g. "your hair looks nice". That type of compliment I say as a fact, not just to make someone feel nice.


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whirlingmind
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25 Aug 2012, 12:48 pm

Oh and about understanding implicit compliments, people confuse me anyway, I'm probably so paranoid as a result that I would think they were being sarcastic or were saying it to get something, or wouldn't know what they meant because it wasn't direct enough.


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SavageMessiah
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25 Aug 2012, 12:54 pm

Just one session of successful compliments (implicit or not) is like hitting the jackpot. Yup, it's rare...


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Nonperson
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25 Aug 2012, 1:04 pm

I'm not sure I'm 100% clear on what they are, but judging from the examples in your article, I think I give implicit compliments but when I get them I don't tend to recognize them as such. I mean, I might be pleased by them but not think that the person is complimenting me deliberately (which is the point anyway, right?)



Somberlain
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25 Aug 2012, 1:07 pm

whirlingmind wrote:
With implicit compliments, can you give an example? It sounds too subtle for me, explicit compliments means obviously saying e.g. "your hair looks nice". That type of compliment I say as a fact, not just to make someone feel nice.


From the paper:

''David: Have you always lived here?
Sabrina: Most of my life.
David: I’d swear I know every pretty girl on the
North Shore.''

I *presume* he is trying to say ''You are pretty''.


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Aspie quiz: 158/200 AS AQ: 39 EQ: 17 SQ: 76.
You scored 124 aloof, 121 rigid and 95 pragmatic.

English is not my native language. 1000th edit, here I come.


whirlingmind
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25 Aug 2012, 1:09 pm

Me too.


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Somberlain
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25 Aug 2012, 1:22 pm

Nonperson wrote:
I'm not sure I'm 100% clear on what they are, but judging from the examples in your article, I think I give implicit compliments but when I get them I don't tend to recognize them as such. I mean, I might be pleased by them but not think that the person is complimenting me deliberately (which is the point anyway, right?)


This.

I can understand the meaning in a compliment but I can't understand the intention in it. I may also perceive a neutral statement as a compliment.

Years ago, a girl said ''listen to me: lose some weight'' with a smile on her face. What does it mean?

a) You are too fat.
b) If you lose weight, you will become handsome.
c) Being fat is not good for your health.
d) I am just talking, smiling due to a different reason and I couldn't care less about your weight.

Most of the time I get people wrong and things get messy.


_________________
Aspie quiz: 158/200 AS AQ: 39 EQ: 17 SQ: 76.
You scored 124 aloof, 121 rigid and 95 pragmatic.

English is not my native language. 1000th edit, here I come.


MirrorWars
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25 Aug 2012, 1:52 pm

Somberlain wrote:
Nonperson wrote:
I'm not sure I'm 100% clear on what they are, but judging from the examples in your article, I think I give implicit compliments but when I get them I don't tend to recognize them as such. I mean, I might be pleased by them but not think that the person is complimenting me deliberately (which is the point anyway, right?)


This.

I can understand the meaning in a compliment but I can't understand the intention in it. I may also perceive a neutral statement as a compliment.

Years ago, a girl said ''listen to me: lose some weight'' with a smile on her face. What does it mean?

a) You are too fat.
b) If you lose weight, you will become handsome.
c) Being fat is not good for your health.
d) I am just talking, smiling due to a different reason and I couldn't care less about your weight.

Most of the time I get people wrong and things get messy.


That's a tricky one to understand out of context. It's impossible to know what was meant in this example.