Should I just forget it?

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Two weeks ago I started seeing this Aspie guy because my mom set us up. We had a lot in common, and went on two dates after that. After our last date on Friday, he even hugged me. I thought that was a good sign, but what do I know? I thought I had a chance with my ex too. I texted him on Saturday, and chatted for a little while. I started the conversation. Now I haven't heard anything from him in two days. I'm afraid that he'll just stop talking to me for no reason like the last guy I dated did. I was going to wait for him to talk to me, so I don't feel like a pushy stalker. Does he just not want to talk to me? Should I even bother trying to talk to him or should I just move on? I'm so confused considering I don't have a lot of dating experience. Help?

Ask him. Be upfront about how you feel and say you wish the continue the relationship and wonder if he would like the same.

Communicate The worst that can happen is that he will tell you he does not want to continue the relationship.

It could be he is not good at initiating contact, which is quite common I hear. Don't take it personally. He could be feeling even worse about the lack of communication.

Best way is to talk it out. I am upfront so I would phrase it in an upfront way.

You know, since you both have Asperger's, this should theoretically be easier than NT dating in the sense that you can be upfront, and he (in theory) will respect and appreciate it. NTs play games, and expect the other to play the game. Since you both have AS...why are you attempting the game? The game isn't natural to either of you.

So, be upfront with him. Just ask him flat out. Even say, "since we both have AS, we should just be open here."

Give the boy a chance. It's not like he knows what he's doing he's probably trying to figure out whatever it is that he's supposed to do. If he is anything like I was at that age he'd LOVE for you to tell him that you're interested. The real worst that could happen though is a little worse than him not being interested. He could think that he's "supposed" to be interested and will go along with it because he's following the "rules" then again that's pretty much the worst that can happen in any relationship.

I am NT in a relationship with an Aspie. It took my boyfriend weeks to work up the courage to ask me out even though he would chat with my alot online at work. At first it was hard to figure out if he was flirting. I eventually asked him right out, "are you flirting with me?" . Even then he didn't give me an answer-he simply replied, 'would, you like me to?'.

We worked our way to having lunch. Which initially he said was 'collegial' since we worked at the same company at the time. After lunch, he would chat with me a lot online at work..it left me completely puzzled. I eventually gave him my number and he NEVER called. I was so very confused because at work he was 'chatty' again, on line and not in person.

Finally I asked him if he would like to have dinner. He agreed. I wasn't very sure of what to expect at dinner. He seemed more at ease and relaxed. We chatted about work and life in general. Then he disclosed he is an Aspie. I knew what it was had never interacted with anyone with it (that I knew of). My knowledge of it was text book at best.

After dinner we drove back to his place (I was doing the driving). I expected to drop him off and simply leave. To my surprise he took the initiative and kissed me. Not a kiss on the cheek, but full blown kiss. I was shocked. Pleasantly surprised but shocked.

It's been a few months now. It's been a bit shaky or was in the beginning as I didn't understand why or how he could go for days without calling/emailing me unless we were at work. We broke up once or twice-then he told me to come to WP to learn more.

Anyhow...my point is, I have learned to sort of 'take the lead' in some things. I still struggle with his need for alone time and the going for days at a time without contact (we no longer work together).

We talked about it and it is getting better-he asked that I give him a chance and I am. I love him. He loves me and tells me loves me.

sorry for going on and on...take the initiative and call him. Ask him out for something simple like coffee/tea where it is non-pressure. He might need 'easing' into the relationship even if he really wants to be with you-he could be struggling with what to do and when to do it, plus struggling with needing his routine and now faced with making change and room in his routine for someone new.

Just go into it with no pressure and expectations other than to have coffee/tea/talk. If you go at initially as full blown date, he might be scared off not from not liking you-but simply because he may not know what to do really.

best of luck.

Monkeykoder, thanks and you made me blush.

I should point out...I am not an 'angel' or anything like that. Today my BF asked me why I put up with him, so I asked him why does he put up with me?

I reckon we put up with each other. I have faults and issues, so does he. We are just working thru things a bit at a time. He is teaching me patience. And he is learning how to be comfortable in a relationship.

I am sure you will find your match.

all the best

Thanks for the advice! I guess I'll try to talk to him or ask him to coffee if I don't hear from him soon. He might just be busy with college. He started at a new college this year, as did I. It takes some time to get used to. He has dated other girls before, but they supposedly pursued him. I'm not sure if he has any clue what he's doing, although it seems like he would. I'm so used to learning about NT "dating games" that I don't even know how to act around an Aspie guy. Sad much?

Hey Monkeycoder,
I learnt very painfully, that my Aspie BF has been cheating with people I know. A couple of the women told me how he has been coming on to them. URGH. Very humiliating.

I was the one who came here to learn more about him to be with him and this is the pay back. Not only that, he's had me paying for EVERYTHING. To date, he has never bought me dinner, a flower, nothing.

Anyhow, better I know now than later when I have invested more. He got me good...I actually believeed him when he claimed to be 'busy'. Nope, he was out chasing other women. Whilst accepting financial help from me.

I'd love to say I will give another aspie a try...but this guy's double personality frightened me.

Evy, yes I dumped him.

I asked him over and over why he was flirting and quite inappropriately and he said he was just being nice. So I said, are you the same way with men?

I know these women, I worked with them...I do not believe they are lying.