Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear You,

I'm on my way to help you because that's my duty, but I'm really scared. I can feel now that I'll be mute so let's acknowledge that ahead of time rather than treating me like an enigma. I'm doing the best I can so please don't make it more awkward than it has to be by implying you're dissatisfied. Please don't ask so many questions, please don't make references to Dad, and please don't stress-bomb me with your anxious observations all day long. I can't process or bear so much negativity especially in verbal form. I will be functional to help you, but then I'm going home to be alone.

Isabella

i knew you hadn't changed. you never had me fooled for a second.

don't be surprised if you never hear from me again. and don't sit there wondering why i'm not contacting you.

You talk a great talk, but your words are only words, and nothing more.

Show me that you can do those things you brag about, and I'll believe you.

Until then, I'll be laughing at you behind your back.

Where are you? What happened?

You knew your child was suffering.
Why didn't you try to stop her?
Denial? Indifference? Loathing?
Depression wasn't her fault,
It wasn't the devil's fault,
And it wasn't your fault, either.
Yet, you knew she was troubled.
All those men ... all those drugs...
All those needless risks she took.
We found out from the Media.
Now we know what she faced,
Every single day. And you
Acted like nothing was wrong.
Where were you when she
Really needed you?
Church? The bar?
Another party?
Where?
Why?
Why?
Why?

It's really sad that you will soon depart this world , if I could change it in anyway I would.
I am really hoping that as this sad day approaches you make your peace with your closet family.
No need to make peace with me but at the very least think about your sister and the damage you have done.
You clearly don't realise the amount of s**t you have caused in our lives or maybe you do and don't care.
I am fully expecting you to release a manifesto of the conspiracies you think were going on but I think you
are maybe starting to realise how much of a number anxiety can do to you.
It's O.K. to think crazy s**t and accuse people of it if you are ill but when you realise it's in your head it's time
to put things right. It's never too late to try and fix things.

Dear You,

So ... lemme get this straight ...

You married a man who turned out to be a junkie, and you went ahead and had three kids with him anyway. He can't hold down a job for more than a few days.

The oldest won't speak to either one of you because of how strict you were with him when he was a child. You haven't even seen your grandchild in months.

The middle, being messed-up emotionally, married a man who furnished their home with stolen goods and got caught. Now he's unemployed and facing a prison term.

The youngest excels at art, is a famous web cartoonist, and yet cannot make eye contact nor carry on a verbal conversation (hmm ... I wonder what might cause that ...).

And now you want to go back to your home country to live with your mother and leave everyone else behind for people in this country to deal with.

Lady, you're a real piece o'work, you know that? I would wish you a heart-felt "Bon Voyage" if only you would take your family with you, but with half of them not speaking to you, and the other half on the run from the cops, I guess that just ain't gonna happen.

Go.

Please, just ... go.

From, Me

To life, the universe and everything.

Stop ganging up on me. Seriously, I’m 35. If you haven’t been able to convince me to kill myself in the thirty years before my diagnosis, what makes you think you can after it?

No chance, and tell your mates depression and anxiety that I’m coming for them too.

Yours insincerely, me.

dear tyger:


not a day goes by that i don't feel like complete s**t for leaving you.

but i know for a fact that i'd just burn myself day after day if i went back.

i wish we could have made up, face to face, but what does it matter now.


i do love you. more than you can ever imagine. but you're no good to me. and i have to look out for myself because- who else will?

it's not over. we WILL cross paths again. but in the meantime, i wish you well.

it's not your fault you're like this.

Dear dad,
One of these days, I hope you decide to take care.
One of these days, I wish you wouldn't be so selfishly stubborn.
One of these days, I want to be not considered like you.
One of these days, I will find the courage to be who I am without regarding you.
I wish our relationship was kind and actually felt real.
I hope one of these days will start today or soon.
-me

Dear You,
I heard 'Wild Horses' today and the earth kinda stopped spinning. I don't know what to say or how to say it, but I'm flooded with memories so intense that I can taste the air.

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you've decided to show me the same
No sweeping exit or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild horses - we'll ride them someday

Somewhere out there always,
Isabella

Dear younger me,
What you did was never wrong. I love you. You are not a toy to be played with. I see that you are so much more. Feel free to grow. Don't be afraid. You are allowed to love too.
From me.

Dear you

It occurred to me today that I've developed a sick obsession for you, same as I developed sick obsessions for all those other people
Who have now disappeared
And now you're gone
I feel lost

R

Dear Everyone,


When I overcame anxiety and the intolerance that came with it, autism made so much sense instead of other way around. Aspergers more complicated than some social issue on verbal areas, body language and tone.
And yet I became less autistic-like along with it.

... (May or may not continue after)


Yours Truly...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

My dear and awesome you,
This time of year reminds me of you and our missives. I miss you so much! How are you? Where are you now?
I hope you know that you're my person and you always will be.

I know you are having an extended shutdown, so if I have to keep doing this for you I will:

;;;; . l . s. ////;;; . lll .. , @

Please write, even a dot.

Love Is from far away