A suggestion to parents, from a grown up

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I want to share something. I know there are some who will disagree with me.

If I could say one thing I wish my parents had done differently, I wish they had enrolled me in martial arts. I fought them, and they let me have my way.

I think that if I'd had the knowledge of how to fight, I could have defended myself against the bullies that the school system did nothing about.

I know some parents may disagree, they may say "violence never solves anything" or "Turn the other cheek."

It does not work that way in the real world. I am not advocating teaching your children to be bullies, material arts are learned so that they never need to be used.

But when I looked back, if I had had the skills, I would have stood up to the bully instead of going to the teacher, which only made it worse.

For many kids, this is great advice if the child can withstand the environment of being in a class of kids. I tried to get DS to participate in TKD but the class environment is just too difficult for him.

My DS9 has been taking karate for almost 2 years now for this reason (and for its other benefits). My DS has been bullied. So far it is mostly name-calling, but last year, a couple of smaller kids shoved my DS to the ground and hit him (he was not really hurt, may have had a bruise, but no cuts). I asked him why he did not defend himself (he is very unassertive) and he said (i) you can't do karate at school it is against the rules, and (ii) he did not want to hurt the other kids since they were so much smaller than him (DS is very tall/strong for his age). He really is concerned about following rules and not hurting people (even when they may hurt him), so I don't know if he will use his karate for self-defense. I did try and tell him that it is not against school rules to use blocks if someone is trying to hit you, but he just said he was afraid he would hurt the boys.

I don't have an ASD but I likely had ADD and I found Karate fixed a lot of my attention problems. I don't know why, but I never took it until adulthood but I found I could focus on lectures at school better. I plan on putting my daughter in Karate if just for attention problems. I also think Karate gives a child confidence, I know of one person who took Karate and he became more confident and the bullies left him alone just because he carried himself differently.

I worked with a Karate teacher who said he had a couple of autistic Students. In his opinion it was really good for them and something that they found easier fit in with and to learn and achieve than some other sports (e.g. soccer). He though this was because it was rule based, so it was clear on what behaviour was expected, and because everyone did the same exercises together (Kata) it was easier to learn. Makes sense to me. I think my son would need guiding a lot, but I hope to get him doing it when he's older.

My son started a few months ago and I expect him to benefit in many ways, even if he never uses it to defend himself. Ravenmom, thanks for the heads up. I will make sure to tell my son often that blocks can be used against kids.

There isn't much purpose to enrolling any child in something they adamantly don't want to do.

Overall, I have found martial arts to be useful if you can get your kids to want to do it. It really depends on the child. When my (more or less) NT daughter did it, I found it helped with her pent up anger issues.

But it also isn't like a child will actually use martial arts to defend against bullies, more that bullies might know which kids are good at it and avoid tangling with those kids physically. But there still is verbal bullying, and martial arts would teach a child that violence would be inappropriate in that situation.

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I agree! I spent more than two years talking my parents into letting me take martial arts and they finally relented when I entered high school. Though I never told them, my motivation was being assaulted (kissed/fondled) by a bigger boy near the end of the school year in 6th grade and then being harassed by boys on the bus in 7th/8th grade. By the time I started taking taekwondo, all of this was in the past but it did make me feel more comfortable knowing I could defend myself and it was a good outlet for all of the anger and frustration had in high school and beyond.

For kids who want to do it, martial arts are terrific! Even if they never throw a punch, it helps with their confidence, focus, and fitness. My son's MA teachers teach the kids how to deal with bullies, they teach them to use their voices first. I also take MA and its been great for me too!

I think this is great advice for (almost) all neurotypes, assuming the individual is interested. It was very beneficial for my son.

Getting a child who doesn't want to do something is not easy, but I think that sometimes, parents need to lay down the law and say your doing this rather you like it or not.

I felt the same way about the rules when I was in school. I think that the teacher and the parents need to explain that no matter what the school says, you have a right to defend yourself.

Our society, especially our public education system, really villifies self defense, that needs to stop.

My kids will always know that if they are attacked, and they beat up the bully in self defense, they'll get a reward and if the school will broadsided with a federal lawsuit if they try to suspend him.

My Aspie's been doing it for a while. It's all about using your body in the context of rules and structure, what's not to like?

IMHO, its defensive value is mainly in word getting around that "that kid is an X belt", acting as a deterrent. If it actually came to blows, I'd expect schools to follow standard NT bullying procedure and blame the victim.

My son is in a GREAT Karate school. They serve many kids on the spectrum, as well as typical kids. In my sons group there are a few kids on the spectrum mixed in the reg class. I know of one 2 boys who get private lessons instead of the class, my son gets the class and every other week private lesson to keep him on target.

He has been going for a little over 2 years and with his next belt he will be in the advanced class. I strongly believe karate is important for all kids, but especially someone like my son!! !