Tough to watch my son get used

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and tough for me to stay out of his business .

Long story short - My son is 15 he has 1 friend - he has known him for 6 years ...I think the friendship is changing (dying?) and my son is willing to hang on "until I find another friend" even though this boy doesn't respond to emails or is always "busy" when my son invites him over...this has always happened to a certain extent and my son seems to have always done more of the "work" in the relationship but seems like it's getting worse. Add to the mix the fact that recently there was drama between me and this other boys mom and our friendship has been damaged. We both homeschool our kids and for years we hung around a lot and when the drama happened I practically begged this woman not to involve our boys and to let them remain friends. She is not honoring that and it's probably part of what's "killing" the boys friendship.

My son will repeatedly call this kid and say "why haven't you responded to my email?" We've discussed many times the concept of friendship and how it's a two way street, etc....My son says he gets it but doesn't care because he doesn't have another friend.

He's 15 but not socially...he's very naive, idealistic and sometimes unrealistic about people. He is learning and some of his insights into what is happening with this friend show real maturity.

I know what it usually means when someone continually says "I'm busy" or doesn't respond to emails/calls...I've been the recipient of those phrases and the ones who has said them.

It's just sort of heartbreaking to see my son chase after this kid and (IMHO) continually get used...We did try to ban him from calling the kid for 2 weeks.....HA! what a joke that was....at the end of the 2 weeks my son took the phone and went into my closet and called him.....I know because we have a multiple phone set and I can see when it's in use and he's our only kid.

Just another challenge for me to step back and get out of his way...Man I seem to be so bad at that - ....and hope and pray he finds another friend.

Thanks for listening to my whine

That's not a whine to me, it's a vent. And vent away, that's what this place is for.
We get it here. We also have fridges with no birthday party invites stuck to them. We also try to organise attendance at chess clubs and computer groups and anything else that takes up time while looking like it's social. Damn straight it's tough.
Wish I had an answer for you. Wish the world could see our kids like we do.

I know right? I can only imagine if people didn't look at my son with an air of condescension, pity and superiority. I know my kid has issues but compared to some of the vapid, soulless, stupid people that inhabit this planet he's a gem as far as I'm concerned. bitter much?..no...just operating on less sleep than normal...tomorrow will be better

I have to deal with this stuff with my NT kids and my AS kid too. It is difficult as a parent to see your kid hurt. Be grateful he isn't a girl. Girls can be so much meaner than boys!

It is especially difficult when they don't have other friends though. If the kid isn't being mean to him, but avoiding, it might be something that they have to work through. Who knows, maybe after a break, the kid will come back around.

I learned the three strikes and your out rule in the book A 5 is Against the Law. It talked about an AS young adult who got into trouble for calling and "harassing" a co-worker he was asking out repeatedly. She wouldn't just say no. The lady always gave excuses, which he never understood were white lies, so he kept calling and asking her out on a date. After that, he was given the 3 strikes and your out rule. If you ask someone to do something three times, then quit asking. If they were really busy and want to do something, they will ask you next, if not, then they were just blowing you off.

I introduced it to my son a few years ago. While he has friends, there was a group he wanted to hang out with instead at recess one year. They didn't like him, of course. Come to find out, everyday they would say not today, but tomorrow when he asked is he could join. Once I found this had been going on almost everyday for a couple of months, I introduced this concept to him. I have a feeling this will be one I will be bringing up more and more as he enters middle school next year.

I'm sorry your son is going through this.

The book Quirky, Yes. Hopeless, No might have a chapter or two that would explain these types of social things to your son.

I can't believe I didn't think of something like this - what a GREAT idea!

My son is so into rules and doing everything "by the book" that this might just work for him...with a lot of different things.

Thanks!

Yep, it's tough. I went through a similar situation with my 12 yo and basically his only friend. I kept encouraging him to branch out and hang out with other kids too, but he wouldn't. Although I generally like his friend, I can see that he is often mean-spirited and gets a kick out of getting my son worked up (and other kids too), which is pretty easy to do. My son refused to hang out with other people. He was a bit obsessive about this kid - wanted to have everything he has, be like him, etc... Last week my son came home crying with a story about how the kid pretended like someone stole my son's bike (another kid had borrowed it to run home real quick). He was so mad and upset. We had another talk, this was the act that sent him over the edge and he finally decided to hang out with other people. Since last week we have had many different kids over. He is still hanging out w/ that kid, but not relying on him to be his best and only friend. This went on w/ this kid for almost 2 years. NT or not, I think most kids go through this to an extent.

how great for your son! glad he has moved on and found others to hang with...we're hoping for the same here too.