Imagining myself from other person's view

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Dizzee
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18 Sep 2012, 5:48 am

Causes a big pain in my chest, anybody else felt that before?


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Sharkgirl
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18 Sep 2012, 6:19 am

Hi,

I am really interested in Theory of mind stuff.
Can you tell me how you imagine yourself - is it in terms of looks, is it to do with apprearing awkward, or is it more to do with who you are as a person personality, strengths, weaknesses etc.

I am also really interested in physical sensations of thoughts and emotions.
The pain in the chest seems to me like it may be embarrassment, or a feeling of cringing when you think of others comtemplating you.
Is that correct for you or can you explain it in more detail so that I can understand.


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Dizzee
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18 Sep 2012, 6:55 am

Well maybe it is a feeling of embarrassment, but in a really bad way, kinda feels like a shock.


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Sharkgirl
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18 Sep 2012, 7:05 am

Is the embarrassment so bad that you wish the ground would swallow you in that second?

I have had this feeling before and sometimes have it quite often. It seems like it comes all of a sudden out of the blue.

Also what is the embarrassment about - what are the super quick thoughts that race through your head before you feel this way.
How are other people thinking about you?


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Dizzee
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18 Sep 2012, 7:16 am

The problem is that I'm affraid of my outer self, It's like I'm living inside my head all the time and it's pointless to change anything.


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Logicalmom
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18 Sep 2012, 7:19 am

Makes sense to me.



Sharkgirl
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18 Sep 2012, 7:27 am

Whatever is going on in your inner world will show on the outside too. Maybe not exactly what you want to look like to others in terms of your mannerisms, the way you carry yourself non-verbal stuff.
You probably seem quite absorbed in your own head and not paying attention to the outside and definately not keeping up any kind of facade.
I find that it is so intense being on the spectrum with everything going on that what ever is reflected on the outside is really hard to control.
NT's usually have an easier time it seems of actively controlling the impression they leave of themselves. I find that I tend to give a good first impression especially when I try really hard but its impossible to keep up and slowly fades into obscurity.
I try to look professional at work and maintain a certain standard - i do this by mimicing the other around me alot. So my outer self at work is different depending on who is around me - if a new person starts at work with a very dominent personality I tend to take on those characteristics myself.
I have spent a great deal of time in my life trying to come up with the perfect way of being in the world that reflects my inner world and also can be accepted by others. It just keeps coming back to striking a balance being true to myself but also trying to get along with others especially those that I admire.
You cant please everyone - so just try to please yourself and hopefully others will admire you for that.
We all make mistakes - i know that I tend to replay social mistakes in my head over and over and get the horrible chest feeling you described. it sux.


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Dizzee
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18 Sep 2012, 7:34 am

But I don't see any place that I could even try to fit in. People around me are too judgemental or that's how I only see things. Anyways I think I've got too much pride in myself to try do things for the sake of others.


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katwithhat
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18 Sep 2012, 7:47 am

This is one of the things that I honestly don't understand. I have NO IDEA what it means. What does it mean to "imagine myself from another person's view" or "put yourself in someone else's shoes"??????? Is it just me? I hate those kind of questions (not the OP) because it makes no sense to me. urgh.


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Mdyar
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18 Sep 2012, 8:00 am

katwithhat wrote:
This is one of the things that I honestly don't understand. I have NO IDEA what it means. What does it mean to "imagine myself from another person's view" or "put yourself in someone else's shoes"??????? Is it just me? I hate those kind of questions (not the OP) because it makes no sense to me. urgh.


It is momentarily feeling their experience of you or feeing their general experience. It is as if you are them in this brief (social) cognition flash.



katwithhat
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18 Sep 2012, 8:12 am

Mdyar wrote:
It is momentarily feeling their experience of you or feeing their general experience. It is as if you are them in this brief (social) cognition flash.


Is this something that's easy for some people? I grasp the concept and what it means, but how is it done? I think I may have just answered my own question there. I'm taking it too literally maybe.


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18 Sep 2012, 9:11 am

I always think that I look awkward to other people, and that I give off a vibe what annoys people just by looking at me. But I do have low self-esteem and extreme self-consciousness and paranoia, so my thoughts of how others view me are probably nowhere near as bad as I think. They probably just view me as another ordinary person.

What I worry about is, I'm good at detecting other people's personalities without even knowing them, so I think that if I can do that then NTs must. I can just tell what sort of a person somebody is just by their body language and even their hairstyle. When somebody's wearing glasses (especially a young person, not so much an older person, since glasses are common in older people), I get the impression that they are meek, intelligent, and wouldn't say boo to a goose (in other words, extremely kind). But most people I can't even describe how I know what their personality is, it's just vibes and my instinct reading their vibes.

This is what worries me in how other people view me. I must give off vibes that lets the whole world know that I'm a dimwit and also a socially awkward moron, no matter how fancy I have my hair and how fabulous I dress and how extroverted I act. Aw, God! :oops:


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Mdyar
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18 Sep 2012, 9:32 am

katwithhat wrote:
Mdyar wrote:
It is momentarily feeling their experience of you or feeing their general experience. It is as if you are them in this brief (social) cognition flash.


Is this something that's easy for some people? I grasp the concept and what it means, but how is it done? I think I may have just answered my own question there. I'm taking it too literally maybe.


Well, it is second nature to some ( most). I'm sure it's "done" or learned naturally through daily communicating or interacting with people. When people give a report of their experience to you and you understand that (or feel it) it resonates with an imagination as if you were there.



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18 Sep 2012, 9:43 am

Quote:
Imagining myself from other person's view


i can not understand other points of view than my own point of view.
i have also limited imagination (thinking of impossible situations) and that adds to the problem. i am completely divorced with who i talk to generally because i speak "at" people rather than "to" them (as my psych helped me realize). realizing what i do does not help me change my behavior because i behave as i am comfortable to behave, and how another person may witness it is not exceptionally consequential to me.

it does remain a fact that i never connect with who i am talking to, but i feel satisfied anyway if i get to say all the things that i want to say (regardless of their appreciation of it).


but still....there is something left undone and i do not know what it is.



Last edited by b9 on 18 Sep 2012, 9:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mdyar
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18 Sep 2012, 9:45 am

Joe90 wrote:
I always think that I look awkward to other people, and that I give off a vibe what annoys people just by looking at me. But I do have low self-esteem and extreme self-consciousness and paranoia, so my thoughts of how others view me are probably nowhere near as bad as I think. They probably just view me as another ordinary person.

This is what worries me in how other people view me. I must give off vibes that lets the whole world know that I'm a dimwit and also a socially awkward moron, no matter how fancy I have my hair and how fabulous I dress and how extroverted I act. Aw, God! :oops:


Joe, saying this with fair confidence the trick here is " taking the bull by the horns," as leading or directing them in communication. But without knowledge, for example, one cannot lead. That's the start or beginning of it. The lack in confidence would subside with practice. This is what your coach is trying to do if memory serves me?