Your Hell

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Basically what it says, what is your idea of hell?

It can be something real or made up, something you've experienced or had nightmares about, religious or not, whatever you can think of.

Personally, mine would involve a podium and lots of people staring, just staring.

To me, hell is complete separation from a support system.

Tim

My Hell happened, Last December.

This December, I plan to create a little Heaven, for myself.

That was than, this is now.

I'd be afraid to discuss that, because if I did: that's probably what they'd actually give me; so I prefer to keep my mind blank with regard to that, on the off chance that they let us choose our own hells.

A lot of humans and no animals, that's hell for me.

My hell I've only come to realize just recently: When all Autistics and Aspies are forced to be cured on the whim of CAN and Autism Speaks, proclaiming it as a disease, and as a result me losing my story. That's my hell, stuff the obsessions.

not getting married.

Being in a room full of people waiting for me to give a talk and not having any notes.

If we're talking about the worse thing imaginable for us, then I say oblivion. No thought, no experience, nothing. Which is why death holds so much terror for me.

However, if we're talking hell that can actually be experienced....

Being stabbed with sharp objects (hypodermics, knives, etc) for eternity.

Being in a place where I'm forced to socialize, or suffer the concequences.

Living 6 in a 5 room apartment, one of the 6 is a violent drunk, on the hottest night of the year, in the middle of the night with sweat streaming off me as i lie in bed terrified not daring to move, with drunken teenager drivers convening loudly underneath my bedrom window, and a party going on in the apt downstairs which includes somebody keeping the beat by banging on the pipes with a wrench.

I think heaven and hell are states of consciousness available to us right here, right now. Why wait 'til after you're dead when you can have "heaven on earth?"

Working in an office 8 hour a day.

I've had nightmares about this. They centered on the idea that my hell would consist of the worst thing I had ever considered, much as Enigmatic has said. Unfortunately, though, I then dreamt of something as an example which was worse than anything I'd ever considered in real life. Worse... I remembered the concept when I woke up.

I actually started dreaming that I was such a bad person that I somehow contributed to the cyclical nature of life by being the ultimate exception to God's rule, and that my punishment was somehow essential and therefore inevitable. Although I largely concluded that I was being paranoid it remained in my mind.

What really shook me up was that I generally had these nightmares when I was hypoglycaemic in my sleep and on several occasions possibly very close to death. Some people had visions of corridors and white light and I had nightmares of eternal damnation. It was very disturbing. Sometimes I actually thought that I had died and there was no escape - it was happening. When I tried to wake up I would gain a temporary reprieve and then lapse back into the dream, like a macabre encore. Eventually shocking myself back into the real world through sheer terror, I'd then discover that I had a blood sugar level of under 2.0mmol/L, a heart rate of circa 45 bpm and a strange metallic taste upon my tongue.

At the time I didn't know I had AS, and I was feeling very guilty about making my girlfriend feel miserable when I didn't mean to. I thought that I was horrible and deserved to suffer. Now I understand that I wasn't fully in control of what I was doing, and my self-esteem has improved a little bit, although it remains fragile. I don't have those nightmares any more, but I can remember exactly how they felt.

It does still bother me that there might be an element of truth in there somewhere.

Paranoid? Delusional? Very probably....

The worst thing would be non-existence. I don't believe that will happen, but I wish I knew with absolute certainty; it is a source of great anxiety. No conscious experience could be worse than that, but the worst one I can imagine is my loved ones not recognizing me anymore, or me not recognizing them. That's my idea of a personal hell.

I don't think hell is eternal concious torment, though. I think it's all a lot more complicated than we can really understand, it's just that we need some sort of tangible, concrete picture of it to grasp it.

Sociable Hermit - not paranoid or delusional - just a very healthy dream system that notices something dire on the physical level and does whatever extreme thing it has to do to wake you up!